Friday, May 08, 2009

Prentending



I've had appointments scheduled for everyday this week.

Errands to run. Bills to pay. People to see.

Despite my struggle to get out of bed every morning, I kept every single one of those appointments.

I suppressed whatever it is that I was really feeling on the inside, got dressed, put on my makeup, and most importantly, a smile.

People like to see a smiling face.

When they ask how you are, they expect you to tell them that you're doing fine. Better yet, great.

So that's what I'm going to give them. A smile on my face.

Bubbly, even.

I may have to constantly take deep breaths and remind myself not to let the tears fall, but I feel compelled to keep pretending.

And that's what I do all day long. Pretending to be happy. Pretending to be strong. Pretending to be fine.

It's exhausting.

But maybe if I do it for long enough, I might actually start to believe it myself.

That I'm doing just fine.