Thursday, February 10, 2011

Leisure


Today, I decided to embrace my lazy nature, instead of constantly feeling guilty about it.

After all, there is a very fine line between lazy and leisure.

And in my case, lazy is leisure.

So I slept in till noon, had a large piece of lemon cheesecake with earl grey tea as breakfast, and spent the rest of the day laying on my leather chaise with a blanket and my laptop.

Blogged a little, watched a few movies, took short naps, and well, just be lazy.

I was happy. Relaxed, and happy.

And I'm beginning to think that maybe I don't even want to go back to work at all.

Maybe, just maybe, I should quit my job earlier than planned. Like, next week.

I don't know whether I will get bored after a while, or if I will miss working (definitely not my current job though) down the road, but at the moment, I seriously think that this is a lifestyle that I'm more comfortable and happy with.

However, the thought is not without a tinge of nervousness and guilt though.

Now let's put aside the bad economy and how tough the job market currently is, and let's just ignore my massive credit card bills due to my shopaholic self.

You see, I came from a background where almost every woman in my family and extended families has her own career.

My mum runs her own business, which she built from scratch after she left a job she was second in charge after nearly 20 years. She works 7 days a week, and runs a household of five (excluding maids) at the same time.

Between juggling work and family, she still managed to take over and supervise the building of our new house when my dad got sick in year 2000, after which she single handedly did the interior designing, decorating, and garden landscaping all by herself.

And if not for my over-controlling and jealousy dad, I have no doubts she would have a social calender busier than queen of England.

She has more interests and hobbies than I can count with both hands, and she's always on the go. Always something to do, always something to see, always something to learn, always something to start, and of course, always something to buy.

For an example, this is the text message she sent me when I told her that I'm too lazy to do anything lately:

"我的人生座右铭是坐言起行,理想没去实践就是幻想,梦想要实际行动才是理想,贫富两和尚的故事就是例子,年轻就是本钱,凡事别拖,马上行动,成功等着你!共勉之."

So yes, how a motivated and driven mother like her ended up having a lazy daughter like me is beyond me.

Especially since I'm supposed to be the genius and trophy child of both of my maternal and paternal families.

Maybe it's quarter-life crisis. It began after the age of 25, I think.

Maybe it's because of our privileged upbringing, which my parents were not fortunate enough to have when they were young.

Or maybe it's because as my my mum once jokingly said, I'm destined to be a lady of leisure.

Honestly, I don't know what I'm meant to or supposed to be.

(Do we ever?)

I wish I do, but I don't.

So, as with everything else in life, it's a matter of choice.

And today, I chose to be lazy.