Mistaken

My second day at work.

And the magic is gone.

Already? I heard you asked.

Yes, dear. Already.

Merely half way through the second day, I started to realise just how mistaken my feelings were, about me being ready to go back to work full time.

Don't get me wrong, and I really can't stress this enough - I do love my job and I love what I do.

Well, on most days anyways. :|

And if possible, I'd say "yes" in a heartbeat to do what I did last year all over again.

Rebuilding a business from the ground up, staying back for paperwork with unpaid overtime till 5am and then start work again at 8am with less than 3 hours of sleep, got rushed to emergency room for explainable high fever, shivering chills, stuttering speech plus slight disorientation (Bee totally freaked out! So did all of my staff.) but insisting on returning to work immediately upon discharge, single-handedly restructuring the whole business and human resource, changing the whole work culture and turning the business around in less than 6 months, building a new clientele who are not only loyal but love me to bits, and the list can go on forever.

But the most important thing is, at the end of the day, came out victoriously and honourable, with my head held high and proud. The satisfaction and validation of one's capability.

Not to mention being gifted with a few new good friends along the way, which was a precious bonus.

Yes, if I could, I really wouldn't have second thought about accepting the offer for the permanent position.

Just, not now.

I'm a notorious extreme perfectionist. It's either do it right (in my lingo - perfect and give it my 200%), or not do it at all.

And I honestly don't think I have the ability to do that now given my current health condition.

Take today for example. I was already struggling to keep my energy up before the day even began, and then I literally collapsed onto the couch when I got home, not having the strength to move another muscle on my body for the rest of the night.

So yes, as unwilling as I am, I have to admit that I need to give myself some "off time", to simply rest properly, recuperate, rejuvenate, and refuel.

And hopefully, to recover.