Truce

Bee and I agreed to come to a truce today.

After having fights and arguments almost on a daily basis for the past few weeks, we realised that it's basically heading nowhere but further destruction of our relationship.

And I've come to the conclusion that our problems will never completely and truly be solved.

At least, not in the foreseeable future.

Truthfully, knowing me, I'm not the type of person who can simply just put it behind me and move on, like most people would advise you to do with relationship issues.

I just can't. As long as they still exist.

It's not that I don't want to. If I could, I most definitely will and am more than happy to, believe you me.

But I can't. I lack that capacity and ability.

It's just not in me.

Letting go has always been one of the most difficult things for me.

But I guess the least that I could do is to try, as hard as it is, to understand and acknowledge that it is not something that he can change or control. Not overnight anyway.

At the end of the day, the most important thing is, we love each other and we want our marriage to work.

And keep fighting daily like this is obviously not an option.

So when he offered the third "peace treaty" (the first two fell through), I accepted.

(Or maybe I'm just sick and tired of the fighting.)

My wounds are still sore. I still have overflowing pent up anger, resentment and bitterness. And trust me when I say that they are not just gonna "heal with time" or go away slowly and eventually.

Not like this.

But for now, it's all I could do to look away and pretend that they are not there.

It's not the best solution, but it's the only solution I can think of and handle at the moment.

So yes, it's cease-fire for now. I hope.

IF he holds up his end of the deal.

Peace out.