Tax Return

So I finally stopped procrastinating and met with my accountant today to do my tax return for last financial year.

As expected, I have to pay back a whooping sum of money out of my very own pocket on top of what's already been taken out of my wages. *Rolls eyes*

Can't say I'm too pleased about that, but I guess it's something that we all have to live with. Oh well, what are you gonna do huh? *Shrugs*

To add insult to injury, I found out that I'm not eligible for the tax bonus payment from Rudd.

The one time, the ONE time, that Oz government is giving back something for the hefty amount of tax I have to pay every year, I'm not eligible!

What, now we're being punished for working too hard and making too much money?! Pfftt!

Well, I guess it's unfair for me to take it out on Ruddy boy because, let's face it, it's really not his fault. It's just my luck.

My bloody no-luck with money!

Now that I haven't worked and practically didn't make a dime for this financial year, I highly doubt there will be another giveaway this time round.

Seriously! It's just my LUCK.

And I'm getting really tired of it.

What Will Be, Will Be

Que Sera Sera
Doris Day

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me

Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sera Sera
What will be, will be

When I grew up and fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said

Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sera Sera
What will be, will be

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly

Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sera Sera
What will be, will be
Que Sera Sera

A beautiful night in Melbourne with clear sky and light breezes.

With scented candles burning and Doris Day playing in the background, I curled up in bed with freshly washed hair, contemplating whether or not to open the bottle of red I had just bought earlier on today while waiting for my boy to call.

A night like this reminded me so much of my days in school, or those days when I first arrived in Australia.

That's nearly 10 years ago.

How did we grow up so fast?

I Belong to You

You Belong to Me
Jason Wade

See the pyramids around the Nile
Watch the sun rise
From the tropic isle
Just remember darling
All the while
You belong to me

See the market place
In old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember
When a dream appears
You belong to me

And I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too

Fly the ocean
In a silver plane
See the jungle
When it's wet with rain
Just remember till
You're home again
You belong to me

Oh I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too

Fly the ocean
In a silver plane
See the jungle
When it's wet with rain
Just remember till
You're home again
You belong to me

I made Bee a promise today.

I promised to be strong.

It's not easy, given the state of mind I'm in, but I will try.

I'm sure I'll still break down and cry tomorrow. But this time, I'll try to remember that even when life throws us curve balls, I'm still lucky because I'm loved by you, and we're still a team.

If we don't catch the ball first time round, maybe it's the best any of us could do to try to take a swing at it.

And if that failed too, we'll watch for the next pitch. Together.

I'm not as strong as that sounded. Tears are welling up in my eyes as I'm typing this, and my hands are shaking. I'm just so alone without you.

But I will try. For you.

I'm not a strong person, but I will try.

Till I get to come home to you again. Wherever we decide that might be.

I love you, sweetie. And I'm so sorry for how difficult and hurtful I've been.

Happy birthday, baby!

Depression

I'm in a dark dark place.

A place so dark that there isn't a faintest trace of light.

A place so dark that you feel like the whole world had deserted you.

A place so dark that you're afraid to hope.

A place so dark that it seems pointless to scream for help.

A place so dark that no one could reach me. And I can't reach out.

I've lost count of the times I break down and cry in a day. I looked in the mirror, and I couldn't recall when was the last time I was truly happy.

There's so much pain and anger in me that I don't know what to do with myself. Then there's so much fear and loneliness that I almost feel paralysed.

I wake up every morning, only wanting to go back to sleep.

Nothing seems to be getting better, I only feel like I've sunk deeper than the day before.

And my only relief comes in a little white tablet called Stilnox.

I feel so alone.

So. So. Alone.

Of Post-It Notes and Tape Dispenser

Today is the first day since I arrived back in Melbourne that I woke up feeling slightly more positive.

I'm still terribly homesick and having difficulties adjusting to being on my own, but at least today, I'm starting to appreciate that it's a beautiful sunny autumn day out there.

The sunlight is warm and the air is crisp, it's the perfect day to sit in the sun for an afternoon cuppa, or for a slow stroll at the park.

I love Melbourne, I do. I just wish that I didn't have to be here all by myself and my Bee could be with me too.

*Sighs*

Anyhoo, to cheer myself up, I went downstairs and bought stationeries. Call me weird, but labels, glue sticks, and freshly sharpened pencils make me happy.

And I'm telling ya, for a stationery freak to live above a huge Officeworks is like a diabetic having to live next to Krispy Kreme. Imagine walking past your favourite candy store everyday! :|

Though I have to admit that I've been away for long enough to make me think twice about paying AU$20 for a stack of Post-it's, but I have an even bigger soft spot for colourful papers and stickers so I caved anyway. *Shrugs*

Maybe someday I'll show you my stationery collection, but then you'd probably just start thinking that I'm a bigger freak than what I've already told you about. Haha.

I hope everyone else is having a great day. And do leave a comment to tell me what made you happy today. :)

Signing out.

Happy Easter!

It's been a week since I left Malaysia.

I'm sorry that I haven't been blogging much after my Bangkok trip. I was busy shopping before I left KL for Oz, and been busy settling into my new place since I got back to Melbourne.

The place is still a mess, the unpacking process is slow and painful. I don't even have my own internet connection yet, I'm currently piggybacking on my neighbour's wireless, so sshhh.....

I want to quickly thank those who's left comments or emailed me. Thank heaps for your concerns and sweet messages! I'm fine, will update more when I can, I promise. And of course, lots of backdated entries (which is so typical of me, haha.) when I have time to sort through them.

Till then, I hope everyone is having a great Easter weekend!

Later. :)