Monday, February 20, 2006

Leaving On A Jet Plane

My bags are not packed, but I'm ready to go.

I finally booked my Melbourne-Kuala Lumpur flight on next Tuesday, 28 February, at 12.45am.

I have to take international flights at nigh. I get really restless and agitated to fly long hours during daytime.

So I'll be arriving at KLIA at 5.45am on 28 February. Oh I'm so excited! I get to be around my Bee again after not seeing him for 5 months.

But in the mean while, I have lots and lots of things that needs to be done and lots of lots of things to pack. I get a headache just from thinking about it.

My place is so messy now that it isn't even funny anymore. Moving is such hassle!

I probably won't be blogging for the next few days. The mover is coming to shift my things to the storage place I've rented on Wednesday, and then I'm officially vacating this apartment on Thursday.

I'm feeling a bit nostalgic leaving the place that has shielded me for over 12 months, though I hated it at times.

Also, I'm experiencing separation anxiety from parting with my belongings.

Maybe this is one of the reasons why I kept putting off my trip back home. I'm too used to living by myself, and I feel comfortable having everything I need around me. I feel insecure leaving them a familiar environment where I know exactly how everything works and functions.

It might not make much sense to some. I don't quite understand it myself too. Afterall, I'm not going to a strange place, but the country that I grew up in.

Oh well, let's not dwell on the negative feelings and focus on the positive ones. I'm going home!! What can be better than that huh?

Well, I guess I'll be talking to you guys next in Malaysia.

Till then, take good care and stay cute, fellas. :)

Thursday, February 16, 2006

The Shopaholic

Wen and I watched a Hong Kong movie, The Shopaholic, at Kings Cinema in China town today.

She thought it was lame, I thought lame is what you would expect of any HK movies these days. My attention wasn't on the story line though, I was too busy drooling over the bags shown in the movie. If you're a bag person too, you'll know what I'm talking about.

Because of some unforeseen circumstances, Bee and I won't be going to Shanghai with the rest of his family. So we're planning a shopping trip to Hong Kong, just the 2 of us.

He promised to get me the Louis Vuitton wallet that I want. (I'm writing this down so he can't back out later.)

The story behind the wallet is, he felt bad for standing me up.

The day of my Board exam, he promised to call me right after my exam, which was at 1pm my time.

He overslept and only woke up at 5.30pm my time, by then I was already on the flight back to Melbourne.

The poor guy felt really really guilty. It's the first time that he didn't do something he promised. Sure he's been late on several occasions here and there when he promised me that he will be on time, but never something to this magnitude. He felt as though he wasn't there for me when I needed him.

He wanted to make it up to me, so I "cleverly" manipulated the situation and asked for the LV Blueberry Epi Leather wallet. *Evil laughters*

I've narrowed down my choices of the wallet to the Trésor Wallet, the French Purse, and the Porte-Trésor International.

Trésor Wallet in Blueberry

Trésor Wallet in Black

Trésor Wallet in Mandarin

French Purse in Blueberry

French Purse in Red

Porte-Trésor International in Blueberry

Porte-Trésor International in Red

Porte-Trésor International in Mandarin

I can't decide. Help, people?

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

As of Today

I'm officially registered in both Victoria and Apple Isle.

I have yet to receive my registration card. They have to wait till the next Board meeting before they could do so. But I've been issued the interim registration certificate for now, so I'm allowed to practise legally.

I've turned down the job offer though. I figured I'm better off focusing on running errands since I'm definitely moving out next Wednesday. I could really use that extra bit of cash though because I'm so seriously broke at the moment.

Getting registered in both states and the PDL insurance cost me nearly AUD1k. And I'm anticipating more bills in the next few weeks. x_x

Gonna have to call the movers and the storage place tomorrow. And change my address with different organisations, go to the post office to redirect my mail, book my flight, and many other things that I don't really wanna think about it at the moment.

Why do holidays start with so much work?

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day

Mine was dull.

I had Italian dinner with Wen and her flatmate, before caught the new movie - Casanova.

The movie was meant to be a joke, and turned out, it really was. It was so boring that all 3 of us nearly fell asleep in the cinema.

Everyone's surprised that I didn't get any roses this year, because Bee is well known for sending me flowers even for the most insignificant occasions.

I am to be blamed for ruining his infamous reputation, actually.

I told the sweet guy that I don't want any flowers this year. With me moving out and all, those flowers will just be an extra item to pack.

We didn't even get each other presents this year. But he promised me that we'll have our own Valentine's Day when I'm back in KL.

It better be a good one, that's all I'm saying. :D

Monday, February 13, 2006

My First Job Offer(s)

My ex boss' husband rang me up this morning while I was still sleeping to ask about my exam.

(I have a feeling that he already knew about my results and that's why he rang.)

I told him that I passed.

He then asked whether I'm looking for a job. I was too sleepy to decipher the hidden message, but I kinda sensed that he wants me to work for him.

Since I don't really want to work for them anymore (the wife, especially), I simply said that I'm going home for a long holiday and I'm not planning on working at the moment.

This afternoon, I got another phone call.

The ex colleague's boyfriend, whom I helped out with on Saturday, offered me to work full time for him. He wants me to start right after I get registered, which is hopefully the beginning of next week.

Since he knew that I want to go home for a break, he only asked me to work for a week for now. No long term commitment just yet, on both sides.

I said yes on the phone, because of my inability to say no to people, especially since I've become rather close with his girlfriend.

But I don't really feel like working.

I have to move out by next Wednesday. If I start a full time job next week, I won't have time to pack, get the movers to come in, arrange for a storage place, and do the other two hundred things that I need to do. I might even have to reschedule everything and maybe extend my lease for another week.

Ugh! Decisions decisions decisions.

To work, or not to work.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Quiet Day In

I've been going out everyday since I finished my exam.

I'm not the kind of person who just has to go out.

Wen, for one, is the type that can't sit at home. She gets real bored and feels the need to do something, anything at all. I envy her energy, but I can never be that person.

I value my private time at home very much. I need lots of quiet alone time to spend with myself, usually not doing much at all. I get edgy and uncomfortable if I don't get my dose of ME time every now and then.

So today, I told everyone that I wasn't feeling well and needed to stay in.

I switched off my phone, and spent the whole day watching House on DVDs, munching on junk food and taking naps.

Now I'm recharged and ready to go again. :D

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Back to Work

Well, not really.

An ex colleague's boyfriend asked if I could fill in for a day, so I went.

The first day back to work is alway awful. My body had gotten used to sleeping in till noon and lazing around for most of the day. It was like an old engine that hasn't been used for quite a while and needed to be oiled.

Luckily it was a Saturday and we weren't too busy. He mainly wanted me to focus on their nursing homes, so I got to sit at the back and take my own sweet time.

As easy as it was, it's a boring and tedious job though. I started to lose concentration and nearly dozed off after 4 hours.

Before I left, they jokingly asked if I would accept a job offer from them. I didn't know what to say, so I chuckled uneasily.

"Oh, that pretty much answered our question." They laughed.

The location of the place isn't too bad, it's very convenient to get to. I'm just not sure whether I wanna deal with nursing homes so early in my career.

I guess Wen and I are rather picky when it comes to our new job.

Maybe we shouldn't be, but we do have a reason to though. It's miserable to be stuck doing a job that you don't enjoy at all. I should know.

But maybe it's "working" itself that we don't like? Maybe we should just get married and become two tai-tai's whose lives are all about high teas and luncheons.


Oh well. I'll worry about it later. First thing first, I need a holiday.

Bee's family and relatives are going to Shanghai and a few other places in China. They asked whether I wanna tag along.

Hmm. Should I?

Friday, February 10, 2006

Life Is Good

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulder.

No more late night studying, no more last minute cramming, no more sleepless night worrying about exams, no more crying on the phone, no more locking myself at home.

But I'm still in recovery from the most recent episode.

I still get bad dreams about exams, I still wake up in cold sweat thinking that I have to study, I still go through the dosages and complications in my head before I fall asleep, I still memorise everything that pops up in front of my eyes, I still feel guilty when I'm out shopping instead of staying at home munching books.

Those habits are gonna take a while to die off, I think.

I'm finally done with exams! Well, at least for quite a while.

It's time to parrrrttyyyyyyyy!!

I haven't been doing much of it though. Am taking things slow at the moment because my tired old soul can't handle such drastic changes.

So I'm just hanging out with friends, having long lunches and coffee session, shopping, and enjoying the cosy lifestyle of being an unemployed bum.

I could really get used to this.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

The Final Verdict

I passed.

I passed!!!!!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

After D Day

I spent the day shopping at Chapel Street with Wen and Al' girlfriend, Karen, today.

It started off feeling like a bad idea because I woke up with a terrible headache. It hurt so bad and didn't go away even after 2 pain killer tablets.

I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep it off, but Wen called me 5 times to force me to get up.

We had brunch at this weird looking cafe. The only thing that lured me in was that they serve all day breakfast. I had bad cravings for bacon, eggs and mushrooms. (Yes, again.)

After brunch and plenty of girl talk to break the ice, we went hunting for shoes. Karen needed a pair of heels for a wedding she's going to.

My headache was so bad that I couldn't concentrate and didn't feel like buying anything. Which was a blessing in disguise really, considering that I'm currently broke.

However, I did end up buying a black and white polka dot dress for AUD159.95. It's a cute, kinda retro, halter neck dress. I've never liked halter neck anything, but the dress looked good on me and fits like a glove. I have no idea where to wear it to though.

Oh, I forgot to mention that we won't get to watch Lion King this week because Al forgot to make the booking. By the time Wen and Karen went to buy the tickets today, they're sold out. Bugger!

Later in the evening, we met up with Al and had Japanese tempayaki in China Town. The food was tasteless and I got humiliated because I couldn't catch the eggs. The bloody chef thought his stunts were funny. They really weren't! *Rolls eyes*

Counting down the hours to the verdict.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

De Ja Vu

This morning, I called Bee at 6.30am my time.

I needed a sane voice to calm me down. I couldn't study and I couldn't sleep, and I had 30 minutes to kill before I had to go to the airport. I was like an ant on hot pan.

While on the phone, I tried on different outfits. Vanity was the last thing on my mind. I just wanted something that I could breath and feel comfortable in. I was NOT feeling good.

I ended up wearing my black Sass & Bide Misfit skinny jeans, the same pair that I wore to my first Board exam. I guess I was too tired to give a damn.

And this cute little baby doll, low V neck top in black and white, with a white ribbon on it. Oh, and my grey cropped jacket, which I wore last time too. It's obvious that I threw all superstition outta the window at times like this.

I wasn't dressed for the occasion, but they're not gonna fail me for dressing inappropriately.

I called the cab at 7.00am. By the time I got downstairs at 7.03am, the driver was already waiting. That's one of the perks of staying in the city, there'll always be cabs within 1 block radius of your building.

The drive to the airport was numbing, I nearly fell asleep. It was a cold day, the sky was grey, great day to sleep in.

I checked in immediately when I got to the airport, bought myself a bottle of mineral water, and sat down in the waiting lounge.

The flight was delayed again, just like last time. It felt like de ja vu all over.

The flight felt longer than it usually is. My stomach was hurting, I took a few antacids and it still didn't help. I was irritated and impatient, I couldn't sit still. I felt like I was gonna throw up anytime.

We finally touched down at Apple Isle. It was chilly when we got outta the plane. The wind was crazy and the sky looked like it was gonna rain anytime. I sure was glad that I brought along my wool pashmina.

I sat in the airport for quite a while, staring into nothing.

We had to arrive 15 minutes earlier than the scheduled time. I had calculated time for the journey so that I'll get there just on time. I didn't wanna go to the Board office too early, that place stresses me out.

Another cab ride, and I arrived at the same office that I sat for the same exam 3 months ago.

The receptionist asked me to sit and wait because the previous candidate had not finished yet. Sitting there waiting, I was having palpitations, shortness of breath and cold extremities. It wasn't a good feeling, I assure you.

Wan came out from the exam room at 10.55am, we talked for a bit, and then it was my turn.

This time, my examiners were Mr. P and Mrs. W.

The whole process went pretty smoothly, although I did have a mind block halfway through.

I just went totally blank, and couldn't recall anything. The examiners were very understanding, they gave me a few minutes to recollect myself and some tips to jump start my brain cells. It worked, thank God!

My exam started at 11am. An hour into the exam, they ran out of questions to ask me.

We managed to drag it on for another half an hour with some random topics and scenarios here and there. At 12.30pm, they decided that they were happy to call it a day. We made small talk for another 10 minutes or so, and I walked out of the Board room 20 minutes earlier.

It's either they had made up their mind to pass me, or they were pretty sure they're gonna fail me. I said a little prayer that it was the former.

I had lunch with Wan at Mummys Cafe. Wan wanted the chicken burger and I ordered the big breakky. Bacon, eggs, sausage, hash brown, mushrooms, and toast. My appetite was surprisingly good.

After lunch, we went to visit Qi. Her exam was scheduled at 4pm, so we thought we would cheer her up a bit before that.

It's always good catching up with old friends, reminded me of those carefree days back in uni.

After Qi went to her exam, it was time for me to go to the airport too. This whole day had gone by really fast, (though it didn't feel fast at all in the morning).

On the flight back to Melbourne, I sat next to these two Taiwanese middle-aged men. The whole time, they were talking and swearing in Taiwanese (something similar to Hokkien).

I mean, seriously, there were foul words in every single sentences. In fact, the foul words made up most of their sentences. What's with that? You can't form a proper sentence without involving someone else's or your mum's vagina? Geez.

I've always been very offended by people swearing in dialects (I'm perfectly fine with foul words in English though), so you can understand my agony. I had the urge to slap them to shut them up, and I was THIS close to doing it.

I met up with Wen and Al for dinner at Lygon after I got back to the city. I was still feeling nauseous and dehydrated, but the Chinotto with lemon made me feel a whole lot better.

Came home, talked to Bee, fell asleep.

This whole day just felt like a series of de ja vu.

I'm glad it's over.

The Day

Has come.

I took a sleeping pill and went to bed last night. I've never slept that early before any of my exams.

I didn't sleep too well. I kept waking up.

Now I'm sitting here blogging because I've been puking my guts out for the past hour. My hands and feet are cold.

It's not nervousness. I'm sick. Okay, and nervous too.

My head is killing me and I'm so sleepy. I wanna go back to bed, but I have to get dressed and call a cab.

I'm so sick of this whole thing!!

But this is IT.

Lord, have mercy on me.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Boot Day Camp 14

I'm in deep shit.

I keep ending up here, time and again.

You would think that I should be used to it by now. But I'm not.

I'm having eczema flare out. I've never even had eczema.

I'm having very bad breakouts. But that's the least of my concern at the moment.

I've been having gastric pain and upset tummy for more than a week. That's my body complaining about the amount of stress I'm putting it through.

I'm tired. I feel like throwing up. I'm sick of this whole thing.

I've said all that already. Are you bored yet?

I need a long holiday. So I've decided to go back to Malaysia at the end of the month, regardless of the result.

3 months, maybe. 6 months, even.

I want to go home. I need to go home.

I don't know what I'm talking about, so shoo, go away.

24 hours from now, I'm gonna freak out big time because I have less than 11 hours before my Board exam.

25 hours from now, I'll be throwing up in the bathroom.

26 hours from now, I'll hate myself because I've been slacking off for as long as I can remember.

27 hours from now, I'm gonna be tossing and turning in bed because I can't sleep, nor can I study.

28 hours from now, I'll be crying.

29 hours from now, my hands will start trembling and I won't be able to stop it.

30 hours from now, I'll feel as though I can't breath.

31 hours from now, I'll drag my tired body outta bed and start getting dressed.

32 hours from now, I'll be on the way to the airport.

33 hours from now, I'll be on the flight to sit for my second Board exam.

34 hours from now, I'll be sitting in the cab, which is gonna take me to the exam.

35 hours from now, I'll be sitting in the Board room, getting grilled.

36 hours from now, I'm still in the Board room.

37 hours from now, it's all over.

38 hours, till I can finally breath again.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Typical Conversation Between the Bees

Girlfriend Bee: Do you love me?

Boyfriend Bee: Of course I do, silly girl.

Girlfriend Bee: But why?

Boyfriend Bee: Because you're my bee.

Girlfriend Bee: But I'm lazy and I don't study, and I slack off and I complain last minute, and I have bad temper, and... *Goes on and on*

Boyfriend Bee: That's okay, you're still my princess and I still love you.

Girlfriend Bee: Liar! You don't love me at all!

Boyfriend Bee: I love you, princess. How can you say I don't love you?
(Thinking to himself, I wouldn't be entertaining this stupid conversation if I didn't love you, would I?)

Girlfriend Bee: Really? You really love me?

Boyfriend Bee: Of course! 110%! Cross my heart!

Girlfriend Bee: Okay. I love you too. *Smiles*

15 minutes later.......

Girlfriend Bee: Do you love me?

Boyfriend Bee: .................

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Boot Day Camp 12

I woke up yesterday morning, feeling extremely nauseous.

My eyes were about to pop outta my head, and my muscles hurt like I had just ran a marathon.

All I wanted to do was to go back to sleep, but I had to get up.

I fixed myself breakfast and forced it down my throat. Not because I wanted to eat, but because I had to.

It's sad when you only eat to get through the day.

(Actually, it's sad to do anything not because you "want to", but because you "have to".)

I felt like my stomach had been turned upside down, but I couldn't take any anti-emetics because they make me drowsy.

I took a tram to meet Ly at the State Library.

It was good seeing her, we last met in April 2005. It was not so good to discuss about the exam, it only made me realise that I'm totally screwed.

Our revision lasted from 11am to 6pm, with no break for lunch.

At about 3pm, my stomach started hurting madly. I knew that it was gastric pain but I kept it to myself because I didn't wanna break her momentum.

When we parted at 6pm, my whole upper body was hurting, but I couldn't give a damn.

Wen came to pick me up, and we went grocery shopping. I needed some sour lollies to suppress my nauseousness.

I was unusually hyper, given my circumstances. I guess I had gone into my offensive-stress mode. Instead of being all quiet and depressed, I was talking and laughing non-stop, cracking jokes like a stand up comedian.

In Safeway, my body decided that it wasn't gonna be ignored just like that. I had to bend down at one point because my stomach was hurting too badly.

I gave in, bought some antacid chewable tablets, and took one.

It didn't help, at all.

Wen offered to cook me dinner. So we went back to her place, and I curled up on the couch, holding my dear stomach.

I started to understand that your body is not like your boyfriend, it won't take your negligence and bad temper lying down. Instead, it's gonna hit you right back where it hurts the most.

After the tuna pasta, I felt worse. At one point, I couldn't move my arm without feeling the pain. I was lying flat on the couch, waiting for the pain to subside so Wen could send me home.

An hour later, I still didn't feel any better. I had taken 4 antacid tablets by then.

Wen asked if I wanted to go to a doctor.

I asked her if I went to a doctor, does that mean that I don't have to sit for the exam anymore?

She said, "No darling, you still have to sit for the exam."

I said, "I'll just go home then."

The moment I walked into the door of my apartment, I went straight to the bathroom and puked my guts out. It felt a bit like the time I got pissed drunk and ended up hugging the toilet bowl for 12 hours.

My stomach settled a bit after that. I was too tired to put any food into it again, so I talked to Bee on the phone and then fell asleep while still contemplating whether not I should study.

I woke up this morning, and it's the same thing all over again.


Friday, February 03, 2006

Do You Know How It Feels Like?

To wake up everyday, thinking that it might be a better day.

Only to realise that it is not.

I still love my life.

It just sucks big time now.

Boot Camp Day 11

I am lonely.

It feels like you're in a crowded room full with people, and you're screaming at the top of your lungs, but nobody hears you.

I'm not screaming. Because I know that nobody can hear me.

The loneliness is palpable.

It's not something easy for me. I've been through this time after time, but it didn't get any easier.

I'm sure you don't know what I'm talking about. And I don't expect you to.

It's not the worst thing in the world, it's just very difficult for me.

You may see me talking and laughing as usual, you may see me walking on the street to 7-11, but you don't know where I am. It's a place that if you've never been, so you don't even know that it exists.

I can't go out, and you can't come in either.

The truth is, I don't know whether I want to let anyone in, even if you could.

But that's alright. This is how it's always been, and it's alright.

We'll still eat, drink and be merry when this is all over.

Till then.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Coulda Woulda Shoulda

I'm meeting Ly tomorrow.

She is re-sitting for the Board exam next Tuesday too, and she wants to meet for revision together.

Honestly, the meeting stresses me out. Ever since I said yes, it's been bugging me.

I feel like I need to be alone at the moment. I really don't feel like seeing anyone or talking to anyone about the exam. It sounds weird, but it actually puts a great amount of pressure on me to speak to other people who're taking the same exam.

Some people like to meet up with their coursemates or friends to study in group for exams. I'm never one of those people.

I feel more comfortable suffocating myself in my own shell, study or not.

But I said yes anyway, because I have this weird inability of saying no to people.

And because I didn't know how to say no, now we have to meet, and it's stressing me out. Big time!

I know it's gonna make me feel real bad about slacking off when I find out that she's covered all the topics I didn't. It has nothing to do with competitiveness. It's just that I'll be reminded of how much I could have or should have done. And it feels really shitty when you know that you're capable of so much more than what you did.

It's sort of like a reality check. Some may say that it's a good thing, but it doesn't work for me.

I'm physically and emotionally drained now.

I just want it to stop.

Boot Camp Day 10

I still don't want to talk.

And I don't want anyone to say anything right to me. The right advices, the right thing to do, the right move to make.

I hear that all day long. This is the last space I need more of it.

Maybe I don't want to listen to the right advices, to do the right thing, or to make the right move. Maybe I just want to do what is right for my heart now. Maybe I just want to quit.

I'm tired. I want it to stop.

Why doesn't anyone understand that?

Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. Maybe I don't want to go through it again. Maybe this is not what I need to do in my life. Maybe I'm just not strong enough. Maybe I just hate it.

Or maybe, I'm just a spoilt brat who needs to rant.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Going to the Theatre

We've just booked the tickets to see Lion King at the Regent Theatre, which is like half a block from my apartment.

Wen's cousin, Al, is coming from Canberra next Tuesday for a business trip. The 3 of us have been talking about watching the musical before it even starting showing Melbourne.

Al is bringing his new girlfriend with him and they're going back to Canberra next Saturday. The initial plan was to watch it on Friday, but the tickets were sold out, so I guess we'll have to watch it on Thursday night.

My Board exam is on next Tuesday, 7 February 2006, at 11am. The result will then be released through phone after 3pm on Thursday, 9 February 2006. This time, we're supposed to ring the Board to find out our results.

I was a bit reluctant about going to the theatre on the same day I'll be getting my result. God forbid, if I don't pass, I might not be in the best mood to entertain. Or to be entertained, for that matter.

But maybe it's a good thing. Everything happens for a reason, so maybe the musical can provide some much needed distraction if I'm in a foul mood next Thursday.

So it's done. We're going to watch the infamous broadway musical next week, and I get to wear my new Pilgrim cocktail dress.

At least now I have something to look forward to.

(But why doesn't it make me feel any better?)

Boot Camp Day 9

I'm extremely sick of this whole thing. I am.

I just wanna go home.

Everyone's telling me to just hang in there for a little while more and it's gonna be over.

What they don't understand is, I don't wanna hang in there "a little while more"!

I don't want another minute of it. I'm just so so SO sick of it.

I want out. NOW!

I don't even want to talk about it. So don't.