Coulda Woulda Shoulda

I'm meeting Ly tomorrow.

She is re-sitting for the Board exam next Tuesday too, and she wants to meet for revision together.

Honestly, the meeting stresses me out. Ever since I said yes, it's been bugging me.

I feel like I need to be alone at the moment. I really don't feel like seeing anyone or talking to anyone about the exam. It sounds weird, but it actually puts a great amount of pressure on me to speak to other people who're taking the same exam.

Some people like to meet up with their coursemates or friends to study in group for exams. I'm never one of those people.

I feel more comfortable suffocating myself in my own shell, study or not.

But I said yes anyway, because I have this weird inability of saying no to people.

And because I didn't know how to say no, now we have to meet, and it's stressing me out. Big time!

I know it's gonna make me feel real bad about slacking off when I find out that she's covered all the topics I didn't. It has nothing to do with competitiveness. It's just that I'll be reminded of how much I could have or should have done. And it feels really shitty when you know that you're capable of so much more than what you did.

It's sort of like a reality check. Some may say that it's a good thing, but it doesn't work for me.

I'm physically and emotionally drained now.

I just want it to stop.