Meltdown

I had a mini meltdown at dinner tonight.

It's been such a bad week at work that each day feels worse than the day before, if that's even possible.

So much dramas, so much unresolved issues, so much unexpected crisis, and so little efficiency or help from the staff.

To top it all, TM , my most annoying staff, is back!

All week long, she's been driving me NUTS with her constant whinging and non-stop nagging. Seriously, that bitch doesn't give it a rest and she's irritating the crap outta me!

I have this extreme urge of slapping her and yelling, "For goodness' sake, woman, shut the fuck up and learn to do something useful around here for a change!"

But of course, being the politically-correct, prim and proper "professional" that I am, I can't.

So all the stress and anger has just been bottling up inside of me till I could no longer keep it in.

Tonight, as I held Bee's hand to say grace before our dinner, all of a sudden, I started sobbing uncontrollably.

(And no, it's NOT that time of the month.)

Out of anger, out of injustice, out of hurt, out of annoyance, out of frustration, and most of all, out of helplessness.

All the pent up emotions without an outlet, all the things I wanted to say but couldn't, I just broke down and cried.

That was when I realised that I cannot keep doing this anymore.

I know everyone probably hates their jobs anyway, but your job shouldn't make you constantly want to smack your own head open or scratch someone's face off, no?

It shouldn't have to be this hard.

It shouldn't.

Overnight

Rudd proud of his achievements
12:35 AEST Thu Jun 24 2010

An emotional Kevin Rudd says he's proud of his achievements as prime minister, including getting rid of Work Choices and weathering the global economic crisis.

Mr Rudd, clearly struggling for words during a press conference at Parliament House, said he had given the job his "absolute best."

"I have given my absolute all," Mr Rudd said, speaking about two hours after he stood down as Labor leader to make way for deputy Julia Gillard.

"I was elected by the Australian people as the prime minister ... to bring back a fair go for all Australians," he said.

"I have given my absolute best to do that.

Mr Rudd struggled to speak as he talked about his government's efforts on cancer.

"I'm proud of the fact that we are building 20 regional cancer centres right across our country," he said.

"You know, if you go out there and people are suffering from cancer it does alter your priorities."

Mr Rudd then paused as he tried to regain his composure.

Mr Rudd was flanked by his wife Therese and his three children, Marcus, Jessica and Nicholas.

He said he was proud of having kept Australia out of recession, an effort which had saved half a million Australians from losing their jobs.

Mr Rudd was emotional as he spoke of his government's work in lifting organ donation rates.

He was forced to stop speaking a number of times as he struggled to get words out, his voice wavering.

"As somebody who borrowed someone else's aortic valve, I feel a particular responsibility for that," he said.

"There's nothing like having a bit of somebody else in you.

"It focuses the mind, and in my case also focuses the heart."

Mr Rudd let out a deep sigh as he reflected on the importance of health.

Mr Rudd said he remained proud of the government's three unsuccessful efforts to get the emissions trading scheme through parliament.

"If I had one point of future policy it must be our ambition to pass a carbon pollution reduction scheme within this parliament, the one that follows I mean," he said.

"So that we can make a difference, a real difference to climate change."

Mr Rudd ran through a list of other issues he was proud to have taken part in, including increasing the aged single pension, apologising to the stolen generations, and efforts on climate change.

"What I'm less proud of is the fact that I have now blubbered," he said with a chuckle, prompting Therese to put a comforting arm around his shoulder.

After listing a raft of things of which he was proud, Mr Rudd said it had been a very busy two-and-half years.

"We have thrown our absolute all at this," he said.

"I believe that when we look back at this, these reforms will endure into the future and make Australia I believe a fairer and better place than it would otherwise have been."

Mr Rudd thanked the Australian people for giving him their trust.

"It is a high honour to be elected prime minister of Australia."

He also thanked Labor party members, saying he had been a member for the past 25 years, and would likely be one for the next 25 years.

He had kind words for Labor's federal parliamentary team.

"Good women and men each one of them, each one of them," he said, adding they were committed to bringing about a fairer and better Australia.

Mr Rudd thanked his staff, most notably his chief of staff Alister Jordan who he described as "an extraordinary young man".

There was also a word of thanks for God.

"This is probably not the occasion for high statements of theology," he said.

"But to the great God and creator of us all, I thank him, or her, as well."

Mr Rudd said he would recontest the next election in his Brisbane seat of Griffith.

He also left open the prospect of taking a frontbench position in the new Gillard government.

"As for serving this government in the future, I will of course serve it in any manner in which I can be of assistance," he said.

Mr Rudd thanked his family, who stood by his side in the prime minister's courtyard.

"They are wonderful human beings," he said.

Mr Rudd said he would continue fighting to defeat the opposition at the election, likely later this year.

"I will be dedicating my every effort to ensure the re-election of this Australian Labor government," he said.

"It is a good government with a good program and it deserves re-election."

Mr Rudd then praised the new leader, Julia Gillard.

"They are a good team lead by a good prime minister," he said.

Mr Rudd thanked his ministry and his cabinet.

"I could not have had a better team," he said.

"These are head and shoulders above those who oppose them in parliament.

"I've been blessed and aided by the fact that they given every ounce of their intelligence, every ounce of their energy, every ounce of their ability to delivering the reforms and many others beside."

He also thanked the constituents of Griffith, who he has represented as MP since 1998.

"I thank the good people of Griffith, my electorate, for putting up with me as their local member - recently somewhat missing in action," he said.

"They are good people. It is a great community. I love it and I love them dearly."

Courtesy of National Nine News

It's amazing (and scary) how things can change overnight in politics.

I'm completely, and utterly, shocked.

Mr Rudd was right. He was elected by the Australian people to be the prime minister, and I personally believe that no one other than the people has the right to take away his rights to run the full term.

Even though he only had kind words for the Labor party, I don't.

Shame on you, Labor, shame on you!

The Australian people did not elect Julia Gillard, and I doubt they will in the looming election.

The only person who left the stage gracefully in this whole event is Kevin Rudd, regardless of what he's done or failed to do in the past 2-and-a-half year.

Not Julia Gillard.

And definitely not Labor.

Fishy

Gillard could topple Rudd as PM
23:39 AEST Wed Jun 23 2010

Julia Gillard could become Australia's first female Prime Minister after Kevin Rudd was forced to call a leadership ballot as support for his leadership fell away.

A defiant Mr Rudd told reporters he would fight to stay prime minister at a special caucus meeting on Thursday morning.

"I was elected to do a job," he said.

"I intend to continue doing that job."

He believes he has the numbers to prevail.

"I believe I am quite capable of winning this ballot tomorrow," Mr Rudd, who is scheduled to attend the G20 leaders meeting in Toronto on the weekend, said.

His deputy Ms Gillard confirmed she would contest the ballot.

"I will be a candidate in tomorrow's ballot," she told reporters.

"I haven't got any other statement at this time."

No other contenders had emerged late Wednesday.

Ms Gillard would appear to have the factional numbers to win the leadership ballot.

The drama began around 7pm after ABC news reported the numbers were being counted for Ms Gillard, though at that stage there was no suggestion she wanted the job.

It had begun to unfold Wednesday morning when NSW powerbroker Mark Arbib, Victorians Bill Shorten and Dave Feeney, and South Australian Don Farrell visited Ms Gillard to tell her they had lost confidence in the prime minister.

Through the evening support for Mr Rudd began to slip away and his position began to look untenable when the powerful Australian Workers' Union threw its weight behind the deputy prime minister.

AWU national secretary Paul Howes told AAP he and Queensland powerbroker Bill Ludwig had moved their support to Ms Gillard after making an assessment that a change in leadership was in the best interest of their membership.

Mr Rudd suggested factional warlords were behind the attempted coup.

"It has become apparent to me in the course of the last period of time ... that a number of factional leaders in the Labor party no longer support my leadership," he said.

"That is why it is imperative this matter be resolved."

Late on Wednesday, Environment Protection Minister Peter Garrett, who was in Morocco for an International Whaling Commission meeting, and Trade Minister Simon Crean were the only ministers who had publicly come out in support of Mr Rudd.

Coalition backbenchers were enjoying the spectacle of trouble in Labor ranks, with Mary Jo Fisher gatecrashing Mr Rudd's press conference, and Bill Heffernan and Stuart Robert attempting to before being convinced to leave.

But change at the top could spell trouble for Tony Abbott and his team, with opinion polls showing Ms Gillard the preferred against the Liberal leader.

The spill will take place on the last day of parliament before the eight week winter recess.

While Mr Rudd has been struggling in the polls, he had been starting to assert himself against Mr Abbott during the cut and thrust of parliament.

And, the latest Newspoll had Labor in an election-winning position, though its primary vote has slipped to 35 per cent.

Mr Rudd told reporters he believed it was important for the stability of the government for the matter to be resolved.

"It's far better for these things are done quickly rather than being strung out over a period of time," he said.

He vowed that if he remained leader, Labor wouldn't lurch to the right on asylum seekers and would set its own timetable on climate change.

The NSW right, led by Senator Arbib, is believed to have played a key role in the decision to shelve an emissions trading scheme, which marked the start of Mr Rudd's slide in the polls.

He flagged a possible earlier timetable if he won.

Mr Rudd conceded Labor had hit "heavy weather" in recent times.

"A few people have become a bit squeamish about that," he said.

That one event sparked a remarkable change in fortune, that was exacerbated by the government's bitter battle with miners over the resources super profits tax.

The change in fortunes for Mr Rudd has happened with alarming speed.

After a lengthy honeymoon with the electorate, the public mood started to turn following a run of problems and backflips, including the botched home insulation scheme and a suspension in processing of Afghan and Sri Lankan asylum seekers.

But it was the ETS that dragged Mr Rudd's popularity down.

Without a power base in caucus, once Mr Rudd began to lose public support, his backing within the parliamentary party began to ebb away.

Courtesy of National Nine News

I still can't believe this is happening.

I mean, I welcome the idea of Australia having its first female Prime Minister, but not this way.

Not like this.

Not by some power game played by the power players in the country.

I may not know much about politics, I may not have liked everything Mr Rudd has done over the past 2.5 years, I may not even be a voter, but I don't like this.

This game smells dirty, and fishy.

Just my 2 cents' worth.

Caucus

Rudd to put leadership to caucus vote
23:18 AEST Wed Jun 23 2010

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd says he will put his leadership to the vote in caucus on Thursday.

Deputy Prime Minister Julia Gillard had requested a leadership ballot, he said.

"I will be writing to the caucus to convene a special meeting at 9am tomorrow morning," Mr Rudd told reporters at a press conference in Canberra.

Mr Rudd said he was elected by the people of Australia as prime minister of Australia.

"I was elected to do a job," he said.

"I intend to continue doing that job."

Mr Rudd said he'd lost support from key members of the party during the last few weeks.

"It has become apparent to me in the course of the last period of time ... that a number of factional leaders in the Labor party no longer support my leadership," he said.

"That is why it is imperative this matter be resolved."

"I believe I am quite capable of winning this ballot tomorrow," Mr Rudd said.

The prime minister said it was important for the stability of the government and the party that the matter be resolved.

"It's far better for these things are done quickly rather than being strung out over a period of time," Mr Rudd said.

Mr Rudd said if he was returned as Labor leader and prime minister, he would send a clear message to the right faction.

"This party and this government will not be lurching to the right on the issue of asylum seekers," he said.

He also promised to move on the issue of climate change.

He conceded Labor had hit "heavy weather" in recent times.

"A few people have become a bit squeamish about that," he said.

But Mr Rudd said he was not squeamish and was committed to continuing his reform agenda.

Mr Rudd said he was committed to tax reform, referring to the proposed super profits tax on the mining sector.

"However, this obviously has created some challenges and tensions within our party, and as I mentioned before having lost the support of certain factional leaders."

Mr Rudd said he was elected by the people of Australia to do a job, not by the factional leaders of the Labor party.

"Though they may be seeking to do a job on me."

Mr Rudd avoided the question when asked if he'd expect Ms Gillard to stand down as deputy leader if she lost Thursday's ballot.

"I am simply calling for a ballot of the leadership of the Australian Labor Party," he said.

"I believe that's the right and responsible course to undertake.

"My fundamental interests are to preserve the good name and standing of this Australian Labor Party and to act in the national interest."

He urged party colleagues to think, and vote, in the national interest.

"There are national interests at stake here, which go beyond the personal interests of me as an individual.

"Those national interests should be equally in our thinking at a time like this.

"My party's interest is important as well and these two matters should be resolved as a matter of urgency."

Mr Rudd then ended the press conference, saying he had "other matters of urgency" to attend to.

Shortly after Mr Rudd's news conference, deputy Prime Minister Julia Gillard confirmed that she would be a candidate in Labor's leadership ballot on Thursday.

But she would not make any further comment on Wednesday night.

"I will be a candidate in tomorrow's ballot," Ms Gillard told reporters in Canberra.

Ms Gillard then walked back into her office, lacking her sometimes cheshire smile.

Courtesy of National Nine News

On an ordinary Wednesday night, as I was casually browsing through the news on my laptop in bed before I drift away to dreamland, this little piece of news caught my eyes and woke me up stone cold sober.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. I'm completely and utterly at shock!

I like Kevin Rudd.

Though, personally, I don't agree with some of his policies, but I like him.

I hope he wins tomorrow.

Queen's Birthday

Marks the last day of the long weekend.

I had a 4-day weekend and it just flew right past me! What's with that?!

I barely got anything done, and I barely feel rested at all despite doing nothing, but the weekend is gone!

Bee and I initially had a day trip to Macedon Ranges planned for today, though we woke up late, got lazy and decided to just stay in to allow ourselves be lazy.

And lazy we were.

I ate, did our laundry, caught up with some of my favourite TV shows, had many snooze breaks and practically did nothing else. But why am I still so tired?!

Weekends are just never long enough, man, even when they are long weekend. :/

I'm so not ready to go back to work tomorrow. *Sighs*

That aside, it's Bee-and-I's monthiversary today.

We met 77 months ago, and we've had our fair share of good days and bad days in between, but baby, you're still the apple of my eye!

Happy monthiversary, bub-bee, I love you!

Backdated

I have so many unfinished backdated blog entries it's NOT funny!

Most with only a line or two, and some more detailed than others.

But all un-fi-nished! *Imagines saying that with a ghetto accent*

Some (okay, most) of them actually dated 2-3 years back!!

I know, time flies without us noticing huh?

When I read back at the random lines that I had jotted down, I can't even remember what happened or what I was trying to say.

Since young, I've never been one to have successfully kept a diary or journal, and I guess something just doesn't change huh?

Despite my best effort to try to document things/events (memorable or unmemorable) in my life, I still failed miserably.

I'm currently trying to clear up my archives, ie. trying to finish the pieces that I still have a faint idea about, and deleting those that I don't.

Currently doing more deleting than writing though. :p

So in the next few weeks, and maybe months, this blog might not make much sense. Then again, did it ever?

The sequence of posts/events might be all jumbled up and all over the place, but hey, at least I'm trying huh? *Angelic smile*

At the end of the day, words are just words, and a blog is just a blog.

And I don't know why I felt the need to write/mumble an entire entry just to explain this.

For the benefit of my loyal readers, I guess.

All TWO of you! Haha.

I'm such a slacker when it comes to blogging, but thank you for loving me anyway!

*Kisses for everybody*

P/s: I'm not drunk tonight. I repeat, NOT drunk.

Relieved

It's the first Saturday in a long time that Bee and I do not have to go house hunting.

No more rushing from one open inspection to another like two desperate maniacs, no more liking-what we-cannot-afford and hating-what-we-can-afford, no more feeling defeated like two pathetic losers at the end of each day for going on another round of wild goose chase.

Because we bought a house!

A house that we both love.

And only a few hundred thousand more than our initial budget. :| *Note the sarcasm*

But we are glad.

The search is finally over!

It almost feels like finally finding Mr. Right after years of dating and he proposed too!

Not quite married yet. But engaged, and very much in love.

So we are happy. Overjoyed, actually.

At the same time, relieved. So relieved like you wouldn't believe it!

Today we were supposed to go to a few other auctions that we promised to attend, just to see how things go. Two of which were our back-up plans in case our house (oh I can finally call it that!) didn't come through.

But the weather was too cold and we got lazy.

So we stayed in, cooked, rested, and enjoyed a quiet day of doing absolutely nothing because we feel like deserving of a day off after the long 6 months of searching.

Relaxed, and relieved.

Deposit

Today was the last day of our 3-day cooling off period.

Though I'm pretty sure that Bee has nothing to "cool off" about.

If anything, he's falling more and more in love with the house everyday.

And I guess I'm really starting to warm up to the house as well.

Whatever that was stopping me before, is not an issue anymore. Whatever that I couldn't see before, I do now.

It wasn't exactly lust at first sight, I gotta say, but it's definitely love now. And I have a feeling that it's the kind that would last.

Most importantly, it's the house in which we can both see us building a home together.

Our home. Our life together. Our own family.

So we met with the real estate agent and wrote a cheque for the 10% deposit, which was also, to date, the biggest amount on a single cheque either of us have ever written.

The deal is sealed.

Inspection

It was our pre-purchase building inspection today.

I had to be stuck at work all day, so Bee went to the house with the building surveyor/consultant/what-have-you and our real estate agent.

The whole process took slightly longer than an hour, which is 3 times longer than the 3 consultants who did the inspection for Bee's uncle's house when he was selling it.

We decided to use a private consultant recommended by the real estate agent instead of the big-shot corporate company because the latter charges twice as much for half the work! Let's hope that we won't regret our frugality further down the road huh? *Fingers crossed*

The verbal report we received was pretty positive, albeit not perfect.

There are a few minor things about the house that have to be fixed. The water pressure of the ensuite in the master bedroom, the outdoor corrugated roof panels leading up to the cabana house, some (hopefully) small plumbing problems, and a few other things that I can't even remember now.

Oh well, positive or not, Bee is in love with the house and I doubt any report is gonna change that.

Although the private building consultant didn't have the gimmicky gadgets to do a proper testing for termites and asbestos, which I was a little concerned about, but as far as he can tell, there is no trace of either and nothing for us to worry about.

We'll be receiving the formal written report from the building consultant tomorrow, and then our real estate agent will take it to the vendor to discuss about it.

But overall, I believe what we have here is a positive inspection report, and we are glad.

Contract

Bee and I bought our real estate agent dinner after work tonight and signed the contract over soft shell crabs and lobsters.

It felt as though we were celebrating a victory, even though we paid much more for the house than we initially had to. How odd!

And we feel so grateful towards the agent, which most people think we shouldn't because at the end of the day, he's getting a big fat commission out of it.

Some friends are even skeptical about the genuineness of his intention.

But Bee and I believe that happy people are people who look at the good things in people and the brighter side of things instead of focusing on the bad.

As naive as that might have sounded, we want to be one of those happy people.

And God, I sure hope that we're making the right decision! Because Bee really loves the house, and I'm starting to fall in love too.

So we took a deep breath, signed on the dotted line, and settlement is in 68 days!

House

The incident took a dramatic twist today.

A full 180° turn actually.

The vendor accepted our new offer.

And we got the house!

Our very first home together.