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Another rainy day in Swan City.

I love staying in when it's raining. It feels so homey, and safe.

No matter how heavy the rain is out there, no matter how strong the wind is, you're shielded.

That's the thing about being at home. You always feel loved and protected.

I dread thinking about going back to Melbourne alone, I dread thinking about bracing the rain and wind on my own, I dread thinking about doing everything by myself.

I sat by the window with my laptop and a cup of tea, watching and listening to the rain. The sound of rain drops dancing on leaves brought me back to those days when I knew of no real worries in life, when a good book from the school library could keep me excited for a whole afternoon.

Then I fell asleep. In the dreams, I grew up.

I started traveling, I started living a life away from the little town, I started to drift further and further away from home. I had forgotten how easy and comfortable it is to just be at home, to be with the family who loves me unconditionally.

And I forgot how to be happy.

I woke up to the sound of mum calling me to have lunch.

And just like that, I was home again.

Maze

It's been raining almost every night in Swan City.

Staying up alone on late nights with heavy rain brought back those nostalgic and melancholy feelings.

Nights like these reminded me of those high school days that I'd stay up late to write articles for a local newspaper.

Those were the days. Time felt stagnant, yet there were so much to look forward to. We were growing up so slowly, but there were just so much possibilities.

"When I grow up, I want to be *fill in the blank*"

Remember that?

These days, I often feel like I'm living in a maze.

Now, time passes by way too quickly that I can hardly grab on to anything, but the progress is stagnant.

Everything feels like a transition period, yet nothing is permanent. Things progress so slowly that sometimes you're unsure if they are moving at all; it takes so long to reach the destination that you start doubting if it even exists.

It gets so frustrating and scary when you constantly feel like you're walking in circles, but not really going anywhere. You don't seem to be moving forward to where you want to go, yet at the same time, you can no longer go back to where you came from.

And because you can't see the way out, every now and then, you start doubting if you'll even get there.

New Year, New Beginnings

Nearly a month into year 2009, I still haven't set my new year resolutions yet.

The truth is, I've stopped believing in making new year resolutions since the age of 21 because, well, they never come true anyway.

Or rather, I've simply realised that things in life don't always turn out the way you want them to, no matter how badly you want it or how hard you work for it.

It all sounds a little too bleak, I know. I do apologise.

To be honest, I don't have a very positive outlook for year 2009. I can't explain why, I don't even know why. I just have this gut feeling that it's gonna be a challenging year ahead.

Or am I just being my usual pessimistic self? :|

However, with the rare coincidence of Australia Day coinciding with Chinese New Year this year, I've decided to go ahead and set my new year resolutions anyway and see how it all turns out.

So, my new year resolutions for 2009 are:

• Don't worry, be happy.
• Trust and love Bee more.
• Decide on a field to specialise in.
• Get my driver's license.
• Learn to care more about people around me (and show it).
  
• Be more persistent in everything I do.
• Spend wisely and put at least AU$ ***,*** into savings.
• Own my first property in Melbourne.
• Maintain a healthy diet and skin care regimen.
• Figure out what I really want in life.

Here's hoping for a better, brighter and smoother year 2009!

Happy Lunar New Year and Happy Australia Day

This year, Australia Day falls on the same day with the first day of Lunar New Year.

To fellow Australians, Happy Australia Day! It's time to fire up the barbie, sizzle some snags and relax with some grog.

To those who celebrate Chinese New Year, Happy Year of Ox and Gong Xi Fa Cai! Let's overdose on frizzy drinks, mandarin oranges and all sort of CNY goodies.

May the new year ahead brings you and your family abundance of joy, prosperity, good health, happiness and lots of love!

Flu and Thoughts

I'm currently nursing a full course of flu.

First came the sore throat and swollen glands, followed by fatigue and headache, and now the non-stop sneezing and runny nose.

It seems like my immune system has gone haywire that it feels compelled to make me sick whenever I'm in a new environment. :|

Since I'm spending most of my time curled up in bed, I've had the time to do a little housekeeping on this secret diary of mine.

Remember my paranoia? Well, I've decided not to lock my blog for now, but removed some of the more personal posts that could be linked back to me to ease my mind.

I apologise if this causes any inconveniences, though I seriously doubt anyone misses those old entries. If you do, blame it on Blogger who still doesn't allow us to password protect individual posts. :D

But fret not, bellas, I shall make it up to you by finally get around to finishing those pent-up entries and posting more often.

For now, please excuse me while I go sneeze 20 more times. Ciao!

Home Soundly

Mum and I are back from Cat City, and home soundly.

Both of her MRI and blood test results came back normal, which was a HUGE relief.

(Thank You, God. Really, thank You!)

Dad usually takes mum shopping after each of her checkups, to celebrate, or to "reward" her as mum calls it. Since dad didn't come along with us this time, I decided to fill in the spot.

After leaving the hospital, mum and I checked into our hotel to get some rest. Neither of us slept well the night before and we nearly dozed off in the lobby while waiting for the hotel staff to get our room keys ready.

Feeling slightly recharged after a beauty nap, we immediately headed over to The Spring for our retail therapy session. I dug my wallet clean for mum, and bought nothing myself.

Okay, I lied. I did cave and bought a lotion plus a few things from the lingerie department, so I didn't really stick to my vow to take a break from shopping altogether. But if you knew me, you would've known that it took a great amount of self control to refrain the shopaholic in me. I even put down and walked away from this really cute Wonder Woman baby tee by Junk Food. :|

But it was a fun afternoon. It was a really fun afternoon, actually.

It's been a while since I squeezed into the same fitting room with mum and exchanged outfits with her to try on. It's been a while since we secretly gossiped about rude sales people and giggled like two annoying high school girls. It's been a while since I talked her into getting a colour she normally wouldn't, or trying out a new cosmetic item. It's been a while since we forgot about time and everything else and shopped till our feet stopped us.

It's been a while since I saw her smile like that.

And I can only hope, with all my heart, that I can still take her shopping when she's an old and wrinkly grandma.

That I can still see her smile when I'm old and wrinkly myself.

Off to Cat City

I'm still sleeping and waking up at odd hours, no thanks to my irregular sleep pattern in KL.

But tonight, I'm sleepless for a different reason.

I'm flying off to Cat City early in the morning with mum for her quarter-yearly checkup.

Every 3 months, she has to have a blood test and MRI done. Every 3 months, I'm reminded of the fear of losing her.

Waiting for the checkup results, is like waiting for a verdict between life and death. It's cruel, and at the same time, terrifying.

I don't know how afraid she is to have to go through such ordeal every 3 months, because she never lets us see her worries. I don't know how to make her feel better, except to pretend to be strong so she doesn't see my worries too.

I don't even know how to gauge how much my heart aches, each and every time.

Back in Swan City

Holla from the Foochow town! :D

Just landed a couple of hours ago, and I already had my fix of the infamous kampua noodles. *Slurps*

As happy as I am to be back in the embrace of my family, I'm missing Bee terribly. It's SO hard to be away from the boy again after being around him everyday for the past 8 months. I don't even wanna start thinking about how I'm gonna leave and go back to Melbourne all by myself. *Sighs*

On the brighter side, it might be a good thing for my (already) dwindling bank account to have a much needed break from the never-ending crazy sales in KL. I've been shopping so much for the past few weeks that it's really not funny anymore.

I did a rough mental calculation the other day. I'm gonna have to pay back a hefty AU$15-20k to Australian government when I finally get around to doing my tax return for year 2007/2008. And that's on top of the tax that's already been automatically deducted from my wages each pay cycle!

I'm feeling like a pauper already. *Double sighs*

If there's one thing that I seriously loathe about living in Oz, it's gotta be their evil blood-sucking tax system! We often feel like we're being punished for working hard and earning more. :(

Okie dokes, that's enough ranting for one day. Let's leave the rest till I go back to Melbourne and face the dragon accountant.

For now, I'm just gonna put my legs up and enjoy being a spoilt brat at home.

Toodles!

How Do I Love Thee

Let me count the ways.

I love you as a daughter loves her father. The one I look up to for guidance and inspiration in life; the one to love and spoil me unconditionally.

I love you as a mother loves her little boy. The one I want to take into my arms and baby forever; the one I hope to protect and shield from all things evil in the world.

I love you as a woman loves her lover. The one whose kisses make me weak in the knees; the one whose smiles make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

I love you as a girl loves her best friend. The first person I think of telling whenever something happens to me; the one I always turn to for advice and comfort.

I love you as a wife loves her husband. The partner to hold my hand and walk the path of life together; the one to hold me in his arms and fall asleep with every night; the one to wake up next to every morning and make my everyday count; the one to start a family of our own with; and the one to grow old and wrinkly together.

Happy 5th anniversary, baby.

Hello, Year 2009

It's official. Year 2008 has come and gone.

I still can't believe that another year just snapped by like that. Time sure flies huh?

Did anyone else notice that after the age of 21, time just speeds up and flies by like it has no importance?

Remember how we used to wait forever for the semester to end so we can move up to primary 5? Or how we couldn't wait till we're 17 so we can get our driving licenses?

Back then, time seemed to be stagnant. Everyday passed by so slowly that we thought we have all the time in the world to ourselves. It almost felt like we would never grow up, or become old.

But now, it's as if time has gone onto the fast track and refused to slow down for anything. A blink, and it's gone. It slipped through our fingers so quietly and so quickly before we could hold on to anything.

Looking back, 2008 has been good to me. There were some minor hiccups along the way, yes, but it's been pretty good in general. Which makes it even harder to have to say goodbye.

Bee and I had a really quiet New Year's Eve. Both of us fell asleep before 10.30pm, and only woke up at midnight by the sound of fireworks.

With sleepy eyes, we stayed in bed and watched the fireworks from our bedroom on the second floor. We kissed, and wished each other Happy New Year.

No champagne. No countdown. No confetti. Only each other's company.

And that's how we ushered in year 2009.