Already I'm So Lonesome

Leaving On A Jet Plane
Chantal Kreviazuk

I... I...

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn,
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There're so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now they don't mean a thing

Every place I go I'll think of you
Every song I sing I'll sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, let me kiss you
Then close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say

Oh kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go

I'm leaving on a jet plane
leaving on a jet plane
leaving on a jet plane
leaving on a jet plane
I... leaving on a jet plane
I... leaving on a jet plane
I... leaving on a jet plane
I... leaving on a jet plane

Shopaholic Madness

The unspeakable.

I went to Sungai Wang today to pick up a pair of prescription glasses.

Before that, Bee and I stopped by KLCC for lunch and to run some errands for my dad.

In the spirit of not-shopping, I insisted that we leave KLCC immediately after lunch. I have next-to-zero resistance towards temptation, so it was all I could do to avoid looking it in the eyes.

So we rushed into California Pizza Kitchen, grabbed a quick bite, and rushed out to the car park again. No looking at window displays, no talking to sales people, only accelerated walking speed while chanting to myself, "Shopping is evil! Shopping is evil!"

Gosh, I feel like an addict running away from getting a fix. -_-

But It worked! I didn't buy anything at KLCC. *Self pats on back*

HOWEVER, in the span 30 minutes while waiting for my glasses, I still managed to spend all the cash we had. Yeap, we. I never use credit cards in Sungai Wang, so after spending all my Ringgit, I moved on to Bee's wallet.

Bee is a very obliging and generous boyfriend. All he asked was for me to leave him enough cash to pay for parking fees at Sungai Wang and JW Marriott (where we had our dinner).

I did. We had just enough. Haha!

Now I have another pile of stuff which I don't need and probably won't use. And I have to think of a way to lug them back to Melbourne without attracting extra charges on excess baggage. *Sighs*

I'm sorry, babee. I know I went a little overboard today. Thank you for always being so kind and patient with me.

For that, I promise to love you for a very long time to come. Haha. Muacks!

Shopaholic Remorse

I knew that I had a bad feeling about this.

I did a rough estimation in my mind, I think I've spent RM2k on makeup and skincare alone in the span of 2 days. This is not good.

Actually, this is very very BAD considering that I'm currently broke with a capital B.

(Bee said in the background, "And you complained that you are too broke to afford a laptop.")

Right.

The shopping bags are still tucked away somewhere in the house. Out of sight, out of mind.

I vaguely recall buying these:

• Select SPF 15 foundation, blush, foundation brush and brush cleanser from MAC.
• Lotion, lipstick, pressed powder, eyeliner pencil and mascara from Clinique.
• Lipstick and eyeshadow from Lancôme.
• Moisturiser, lotion, lip gloss, gel cleanser and makeup base from Kanebo.
• Pore Minimising Cooling Essence, eyelash curler and concealer from Shiseido.
• XXL Volume + Length microfiber mascara from Maybeline.
• Some hair cream from the saloon.
• Lots of junk from Sasa.

And I still haven't ticked off most items on my to-buy list! Ugh, I'm so regretting it now.

Why oh why do I always act on impulse?! When will I learn that people do not have a right to spend when they're broke?

I better get myself a job real quick when I get back to Melbourne, that's all I'm saying. :|

Shopping Crisis

I thought I got a pretty good deal for my new perm and colour. But apparently, I was the only one

I'm not a smart consumer, that much I can tell you. I never know what is the right price and what is not.

And I suck at bargain hunting. That saddens me.

I do like expensive things, I must admit. But I also like to spend wisely. Nobody likes to pay more than what they should.

In the spirit of shopping wisely, I'm rebuilding my makeup collection.

Compared to my hopeless obsession with fashion (especially bags and shoes), I'm not much of a makeup junkie. But I'm a born hoarder, so I still ended up with an impressive pile of products that I hardly use.

One of my biggest problems is my inability to say no to sales people. As a result, I always get talked into buying things that I don't need.

So now, I'm gonna put together a range of products that I will actually use. I'm starting from scratch, and I'm downsizing. Who needs 200 different eyeshadow colours when you're always reaching for the same ones anyway?

Cosmetics in Malaysia are much cheaper compared to Australia, so I plan to do all the shopping in the next 2 days. But I'm pressed for time, and I don't even have time to do research on makeupalley!

I feel like I'm shopping blindly again. Hmm, I don't have a good feeling about this.

Curls

I permed my hair. Now I have big curls with a hazelnut base colour and blonde highlights.

I'm quite happy with how it turned out, but I'm not at the same time. Does it make sense?

I guess I have mixed emotions about it. Or maybe I'm just not quite used to it since I've always had straight hair.

For those who're interested, it costs RM650, for a magic perm (whatever that means), colour and highlights.

I think it's fairly reasonable; Bee thinks it's just too easy to grab money out of girls' pockets. Or the boyfriends', for that matter. Haha!

Service-wise, I'm very happy with it. The staffs were helpful and attentive, and my stylist seems to know his stuff well. So I'm going back to the saloon again tomorrow to get a touch up and blow dry for this dinner we're attending.

I do like my new curls........I think? *Looks at reflection in the mirror*

Pampered

Few days ago, Bee bought me a gift pack from The Body Shop.

I remember mentioning to him a while ago that I wanted to try out the Papaya Body Butter. So before I came back to KL, the sweet boy secretly paid a visit to The Body Shop and got it for me. (Actually, it was more like a detour after he tried finding me a present from Swarovski.)

I'm not particularly fond of The Body Shop, but I've heard some really good things about this body butter. And it smells good enough to eat!

However, for some reason, it wasn't in the gift pack Bee bought. The hopeless guy actually got talked into buying something else. Haha!

And his gift pack contains:

• Spa Wisdom on a Hydrating Puree. A cooling and soothing body gel to hydrate the skin, and lighter in texture compared to the body butter.

• Papaya Body Scrub. It smells exactly like the Papaya Body Butter.

• Relaxing Lavender Body Mist. With relaxing lavender essential oil to help you to unwind, it says on the bottle. It can be either sprayed directly onto the body for calming and relaxation; or onto the linen to aid sleeping. I wonder if he's hinting that I'm too uptight lately. Haha.

And he gave me another feel-good present last night, which I can't tell. *Winks*

I do feel pampered. I do.

Our 33-month Anniversary

Or our 33rd monthiversary.

This year hasn't exactly been a walk in the park for us, Bee. But I'm so proud of how far we've come.

I'm even more excited about how much further we have to go, because I know that I couldn't love anyone more than I love you. You're my best friend, and my pillar of strength in the most difficult situations.

Thank you for the way you love and cherish me, and I hope I can be the same for you.

I promise to hold your hand, and never let go of it. Because you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Happy 33-month anniversary, baby.

You're The Best Thing
(That Ever Happened To Me)
Tommy Page

I never thought I'd ever need someone
As much as I need you
You brighten my day in every way, you make
My life feel so brand new
And every time I think about the way
You make me feel inside
I get a great feeling, the kinda great feeling
You get when you're full of pride
And it all happened at one moment in time
When I realized the greatest gift was mine and

Chorus:
You, you're the best thing that ever happened to me
It's definitely you
I want you to forever stay with me, don't go away
You've made it real easy to see that
You're the best thing that ever happened to me

In my life there are many things that
Bring me up and bring me down
And if I looked all over the world
I don't think I could ever have found
Someone who makes my life worth living
Makes the rainy day seem bright
This is the strongest feeling I've felt
'Cause in my heart, I know it is right
And if you ever left me now
Don't know how I'd go on
I'd do anything that I can somehow
To keep this going on strong

Friday the 13th

I wanted to get a haircut today, but decided against it. The whole Friday the 13th thingy scares me a little, and yes I'm superstitious.

I'm considering getting my hair permed, but I have this gut feeling that it's not gonna come out right.

I'm looking for a new hairdresser in KL. Been saloon hopping but have yet to find someone who I'm happy with.

I watched Da Vinci Code on DVD with Bee in the afternoon. The movie mentioned that the Knights Templar were arrested in France on 13 October 1307, which was a Friday too. That's exactly 699 years ago from today! And the number 6 is usually associated with devil.

Does anyone else find this whole thing a little eerie too?

On a lighter note, we went to visit Zilla tonight. She's gotten so much bigger than the last time I saw her! But she's still the prettiest German Shepherd puppy I've ever seen.

Bee and I didn't get to play with her because we arrived at Bridget's place rather late after dinner. We might pay her another visit before I leave for Melbourne, she should be even bigger by then.

And I still remember how little she used to be.

12 Things about Me Today

1. I am in KL now.
2. I wept as I hugged my mum in the airport this morning.
3. I told Bee that I need to make full use of my time in KL to do my shopping and run my errands.
4. Yet we slept through the day because neither of us got much sleep last night.
5. It's a pure bliss to fall asleep in Bee's arms and wake up to his kisses.
6. We had Subway for lunch and dim sum for dinner. Back to our weird schedule again.
7. We spent hours just cuddling in bed. It's one of the best feelings in the world.
8. I miss my mum, my dad and my brothers. I'm terribly homesick.
9. We watched The Devil Wears Prada. Not a bad movie, but I wasn't paying much attention to the storyline. I was too busy analysing the fashion and accessories.
10. I love Bee for sitting through the movie with me. He hates dramas and chick flicks with a passion.
11. Sometimes I really think that I don't mind coming back to Malaysia to work in government hospitals and getting paid peanuts because Bee just makes me so happy.
12. Sometimes I wonder what is it that I'm doing with my life.
    

Leaving Home

I'm flying off to KL early tomorrow morning.

I haven't packed my luggage yet. I'm too sad to.

I've been vomiting for 2 days now. It happens whenever I'm upset. I don't have a stomach flu, I hope.

It really doesn't help that I'm expecting a very important email and it's still not here yet. I'm stressed and depressed. Ugh!

I haven't been able to conduct a decent conversation with any of my family members tonight because I'm just feeling really really sad. I hate leaving. I hate saying goodbye's.

I guess the only consolation is that I get to see Bee tomorrow. Before I have to fly off to Melbourne again, that is.

Oh, let's not forget that we just had another heavy conversation/argument tonight. *Pulls hair out*

I. Am. Not. A. Happy. Girl. Tonight.

Zilla

This is Zilla, the puppy I mentioned here.

She's a pure bred German Shepherd. Bee and I got her back in August, when she was only 8 weeks old.

I fell in love with her instantly the moment I saw her. Look at that face? How can you not love that face?

This pretty little thing looks just like the mini version of a full grown German Shepherd. And her eyes, oh they simply melt my heart!

The day we took her home, Bee and I were like two excited kids who just got their new toy.

We immediately rushed out to Pet Safari in Ikano Power Center to get everything she possibly needs. We pictured ourselves bringing her out in the car for evening walks. We discussed about the tricks we're gonna teach her. We spent hours trying to come up with a name for her.

As the night fell, problems arose.

Zilla, like a typical German Shepherd puppy, is bad tempered and needs constant attention. She cried whenever we're not in her sight. And boy was she persistent! She wouldn't stop till one of us went to check on her. As soon as we walked away, she'd wake the whole street up again.

I never knew that a tiny little puppy can have such loud voice. We kept her in our front yard, and we could hear her all the way from our bedroom on the second floor! With the door closed and a pillow over our ears, that was.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that Bee and I didn't get a wink of eyes for 2 days and 2 nights.

We had to order takeaways all the time because whenever we went out, Zilla made sure she brought the walls down until we got back. And of course, the neighbour started complaining.

Well, we could've kept Zilla in our bedroom at night so she doesn't feel abandoned. Problem was, she wasn't toilet trained so she poo'ed and pee'ed whenever and wherever she liked. And the worst part? She liked to roll herself in her own waste and then all over the furnitures whenever she wasn't getting enough attention. That sneaky little thing!

Now Bee and I are both cleanliness freaks, so you can imagine the kind of stress we were under. I had literally lost count of how many times we bathed Zilla and ourselves in a day.

On the third day, we couldn't take it anymore. Keeping a puppy wasn't as easy as I thought it would be, we should've known better.

After yet another sleepless night, Bee and I decided to give Zilla away to a better home. We needed our sleep and the puppy deserves an owner who can provide proper care for her.

I sat in the backseat of the car with Zilla on the way to Bridget's place. Yeap, we gave her to Bridget, who's a vet and loves dogs.

My heart felt so guilty whenever Zilla looked at me with those innocent puppy eyes. I felt as though we had betrayed her unconditional trust and affection for us with our irresponsibility.

I consoled myself by thinking that it was in the best interest of everyone. Bridget has 2 other dogs which could keep Zilla company so she'd have friends to play with instead of being left alone at home all day long. And Bee and I, well, we were in desperate need of some sleep and get out lives back to our normal routine.

Moral of the story, keeping a pet is a huge responsibility. (Duh!)

It's been recommended for couples to try keeping a puppy before they consider having a baby. I guess our little experiment clearly shows that Bee and I are NOT ready for either of them. We're two selfish people who need a carefree lifestyle and lots of personal space.

It was the closest the both of us had come to owning a pet. We still go and visit Zilla every once in a while, and I think it's best if we kept it that way for now.

At least everyone in our neighbourhood is getting a good night sleep these days.

Difference Between Australian and Malaysian Bloggers

Most Australian bloggers blog on weekends, off work.

Most Malaysian bloggers blog on weekdays, at work.

And we wonder why we are still a third world country.

Intriguing.

Choices

Why can't all choices be simple?
Why can't they all be,
Window or aisle?
Coffee, or tea?
Not career, or romance?
~ Donna Jensen (View From the Top, 2003)

I am a window seat person. My dad makes sure that he requests for a window seat whenever he books my ticket for me.

I'm never a big fan of coffee, I only drink it when I have to. It's always tea for me. 2 sugars, no milk.

I believe I'm a person with clear preferences, and I base my choices on them.

But a life that I love, or people whom I love? Where do I even begin?

Why can't I have both?

Why can't I wake up to a job that excites me and pays well, at the same time come home to someone I love at the end of the day?

Why can't I stay in a country that I won't be constantly pissed off, and have my family around me at the same time?

Why does it have to be one or the other?

Why do I have to choose?

Material Girl

My parents offered me a cheque, of whatever amount that I need before I get a new job in Melbourne.

I turned it down.

For a girl who's never felt bad about spending parents' money, this is a first for me. I guess with my mum being sick and all, I've grown up a little.

Just a little.

I don't want her to keep worrying about me, I want her to think that I can stand on my own feet and take care of myself. I have to be strong now, I can't be the little girl who calls home crying whenever she needs something.

Being (or trying to be) independent is a good thing. But saying no to the cheque also means saying no to a lot of good things for quite a while.

Shopping, to start with. My wish list is getting longer with each passing day.

I'm so broke at the moment that it isn't funny anymore. My parents had to pay for my airfare back to Melbourne because I couldn't afford it.

Being responsible by choice + Being shopaholic by nature = A pauper in making.

Nostalgia

We went to pick up my tickets today.

It's confirmed, I'm leaving.

It was all I could do to not let my parents see the tears in my eyes.

I'm sure they feel sad enough about me leaving, I can't add to their worries. I want them to think that I'm happy with my choices.

Today is the first time I'm spending mid-autumn festival at home in 7 years, but there's no full moon in sight tonight.

Where would I be next year, I wonder.

Leaving

Again.

I booked my ticket today. I'm leaving for KL on 12 October, then to Melbourne on 20 October.

Tears welled up in my eyes the moment I confirmed the dates. Homesickness has sneaked up on me a little too early and too strongly this time.

My heart's never felt so heavy about leaving for Australia. I guess I now know that nothing is gonna wait around for me forever. Things won't always be the same for me to come back someday.

It's an indescribable feeling. It's breaking my heart.

I am at a loss for words.

*Deep sighs*

A Hair Too Old

Mum's been asking me for a few times now, when am I gonna get a hairdo?

No my hair is not scary, she's just surprised that I haven't been to a hair stylist in over 6 months.

Whenever I came back for summer holidays, I was always running in and out of the hair saloon. Colouring, trimming, treatments, perming, straightening, perming then straightening (don't ask), highlighting, etc. etc..

Mum once said that it's a good thing that she only has one daughter, or else she can't imagine the amount of money that she'll have to spend. Haha!

But this time round, I haven't had anything done to my hair.

I went to get a few trims when I was in KL, but I requested to keep the length and the volume of my hair. Some stylists shook their heads afterwards and said they couldn't tell the difference between "before" and "after". Ha!

I guess I'm getting a little less adventurous with experimenting new things. I dare not put crazy colours and highlights on my hair anymore, or try out a hairstyle that might look gorgeous on the runway but a complete disaster in real life.

These days, I would much rather stick to what works and refuse to explore new possibilities. Shortly put, I am old.

I'm also no longer excited about getting the hottest hair colour of the season, or the hairstyle that's been seen on who and who.

Maybe I got too lazy and comfortable after the long holidays. Maybe now I have real things to worry about in life and hair has dropped out of my priority list. Maybe I've simply outgrown that phase.

I can't remember the last time I max-ed out my credit card to buy something I can't afford. Or the last time I got pissed drunk and passed out. Or the last time I went straight to brunch after a night of club hopping. Or the last time I took a magazine to my hair stylist and told him I wanna look exactly like the model. Or the last time I went on a road trip with only a 5 minutes notice beforehand.

Yeap, adults are such a boring bunch. I am one of them now.

Torn

Between two places.

Between the country that I grew up in, and the country that I function better in.

Between people whom I love, and a lifestyle that I love.

Between my loved ones, and my career.

Between living a life that I'll be loved, and a life that I love.

I'm torn.

It feels like I'm standing at the crossroads, clearly knowing that no matter which path I take or which direction I turn, there's bound to be regrets.

I don't know how too choose. I can't choose.

Why do I have to choose?

The Monster Called PMS

I'm going through my worst PMS to date.

I never used to have PMS, not until I turned 23 anyway.

Before that, I've always thought that PMS is just an excuse for girls to be moody and throw tantrums. *I'm sensing some very angry stares* Back in high school, I even lectured Bridget to take responsibility for her own emotions and not blame it on hormones. Well, look who's talking now? -_-

Someone in my class did her final year thesis on treatments for PMS. Apparently, in some really bad cases, women have to go on antidepressants just to battle the monster. It's really not just in our heads, but a medical condition.

So if you're thinking we're just a bunch of crazy biatches finding excuses for our bad temper, you can't be further from the truth. You should be in our shoes and see if you like it.

I once told Bee that sometimes I feel like we're all just walking test tubes. What we do and what we feel are all controlled by chemical reactions in our body. It's scary what chemical imbalances and hormonal changes can do to us.

We get teary for no reason at all. We can't control the anger that's eating our senses away. At times we feel so lonely that we just wanna break down and cry. No matter what you do, we don't feel loved at all. And we're extra sensitive towards what you say to us.

The worst part is, we can't help it!

This time round, it got even worse for me. I felt so depressed that nothing could excite me at all. I just wanted to lie in bed all day long and not do anything. I hid in my room and cried. I felt like nothing is ever gonna go right in my life.

I didn't feel like talking to anyone, so I shut everyone out, including Bee. Now that's a first. In the past, no matter how bad I felt about things, I had never asked Bee not to call me. But this time round, all the negativity was just too overwhelming, to the point that I wanted to give up on everything.

I hate to say this, but being a girl really sux sometimes!

(Of course, being the girl's boyfriend sux a little too.)

Mango Pudding

I made mango pudding today.

Yeap, the same mango pudding that I made for Bee when I was in KL. Told ya it's one of the very few recipes that I can manage. Haha.

It's also my favourite dessert to order at yum cha. Now that I can make lots of it myself and store them in the fridge, I guess I won't be ordering this as often from now on.

Of course mine looked nothing like the picture above, which is the typical presentation in most Hongkie restaurants. I didn't use a mould for fancy shapes, I serve them individually in small plastic containers with lids. I figured it's more hygienic this way and easier to store them too.

This looks more like my mango pudding. Haha!

Everyone at home was surprised with my new found talent. That pretty much tells you how often I step into the kitchen huh?

My mum jokingly said that I finally made her something edible after 20 over years. Though she was only kidding and didn't mean anything, but I felt really guilty.

I feel like a lousy daughter. Nearly all my life, I've been the little princess who doesn't lift a finger at home. Never actually cooked a meal at home, let alone helping out with house chores.

In fact, I don't even know how to use a lot of the stuff at home, or where most things are kept. That's how lazy I am, at the expense of my very obliging parents and brothers. Of course we have a maid and all, but there are still things that my parents would rather do themselves. But the lousy daughter doesn't even make her own bed or clean up her room.

Yes I am a spoilt brat and I'm feeling really bad about it. The fact that I am gonna leave my family again isn't really helping.

Alrighty, I am gonna spare you guys my emo'ness.

I'm sorry, mum and dad, for not being half the daughter you deserve to have. I love you.