Sunday, May 03, 2009


It's been exactly 4 weeks since I got back to Melbourne, and things have been.....well, stagnant.

Everything seems to be on a standstill. Everyday is the same as the day before.

Nothing gets better, nothing moves forward. On some days, I actually think I should just be glad if things don't go backwards or become worse.

On that note, I'd like to mention that I still don't have my own internet connection yet, no thanks to my stupid ISP and the so called "technical difficulties". They sure didn't have any difficulties in charging my credit card for a service that I have yet to receive though. The payment has gone through for more than 2 weeks now but nope, still no signal on my modem. :|

And I'm still terribly homesick. It seems to be almost impossible to shake it off this time.

You know the feeling you get when you wake up on a particularly gloomy day to realise that everyone else is moving on with their lives but yours is still the same as the day before?

Well, let me tell you, it sucks! Big time.

The truth is, I think I'm actually afraid of moving forward. I am.

Over the past year or so, I've allowed myself to retreat into a shell, and I've allowed others to convince me that I have no rights to pursue my own happiness or to live my life the way I truly want to.

And now I'm back at the crossroad, not sure what I want or which way I want to go.

I'm just lost.

How did I end up here?