Not Another Smile

I had dinner with Wen in Lygon.

I picked the restaurant. Lygon Street is one of my favourite parts of Melbourne, and tonight, I desperately needed to be reminded of why I once loved the city so much.

Dinner was great. I ordered my favourite pasta, she had her usual risotto. We chatted, we laughed, and we filled each other in with things that's been happening in our lives.

As usual, I felt the need to put up a brave face and a smile. I spoke of my time off as if it was a getaway in Bahamas, I told one of the sad stories that broke my heart like I was telling a joke I heard from someone else.

Maybe it's just the Aries in me.

Maybe I just never got over those two powerful lines that I read in a poem as a teen - "Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone.".

I have welcome-back dinners lined up every day this week. Italian with Wen tonight, Greek with Cathy tomorrow, Shanghainese dumplings with Dorothy and her boyfriend the day after.

But all I want to do is to stay in bed and cover my face with a blanket so my tears can flow freely.

I just don't have the energy to fake another smile.