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Lost Again
"Have you ever felt like there is no solace in anything, like, wherever you turn, you're just lost?"
~ Felicity Porter (Felicity)
That's exactly how I felt when I was back in Melbourne the previous time.
Every. Single. Day.
Then I decided to hop on a plane back to Malaysia for a break.
To breath, and reboot. As I called it.
It was an incredible 5 weeks. I stopped crying, and learned to laugh again.
Being with him made me feel safe.
In the bigger picture of life, I was still lost. I still didn't know what my next step is, I still couldn't figure out a clear direction that I should be heading towards, I still didn't know what the heck I'm going to do with myself.
But even so, I felt safe. In his arms.
I came back to Melbourne 5 weeks later with a much lighter luggage, but a little more courage and optimism.
I knew that I still didn't have things all figured out, but I felt a little braver this time round.
I was prepared to give it another go, believing that even if that doesn't go well, I was prepared to be more forgiving on myself.
Until I woke up this morning, good feelings are gone.
And the same feeling is back.
I am lost.
Once again.
~ Felicity Porter (Felicity)
That's exactly how I felt when I was back in Melbourne the previous time.
Every. Single. Day.
Then I decided to hop on a plane back to Malaysia for a break.
To breath, and reboot. As I called it.
It was an incredible 5 weeks. I stopped crying, and learned to laugh again.
Being with him made me feel safe.
In the bigger picture of life, I was still lost. I still didn't know what my next step is, I still couldn't figure out a clear direction that I should be heading towards, I still didn't know what the heck I'm going to do with myself.
But even so, I felt safe. In his arms.
I came back to Melbourne 5 weeks later with a much lighter luggage, but a little more courage and optimism.
I knew that I still didn't have things all figured out, but I felt a little braver this time round.
I was prepared to give it another go, believing that even if that doesn't go well, I was prepared to be more forgiving on myself.
Until I woke up this morning, good feelings are gone.
And the same feeling is back.
I am lost.
Once again.
7 left a petal:
I guess you must find your passion, a goal or more goals. Or maybe start making babies. :) Hehe
is it possible to move back to msia for good? :) if yes, i think u should, without any hesitation
Pick it up and be strong sweetie. I know it is easier said than done, but the worst enemy is always our own self.
Dont push yourself too hard, gal. It's only the matter of time. Take a small step at a time.
Be encouraged, taking the first step is always the hardest. But once you have decided what to do, there will be no turning back...
Che-Cheh: I honestly think it's not only selfish but also irresponsible to bring a new life into a world when I myself am so unsure of my own direction in life. I don't even know what to do with myself, let alone look after another person.
Prettybeautiful: It's possible, but it's also an option that I would prefer to avoid if I could help it. There are just too many things that I hate about the country that the thought of settling there for long term makes me cringe.
Doreen: Then I seem to be too strong an enemy for myself that victory simply feels like something impossible.
Emotionalistic: I don't know where my next step should be, however small it is.
Sdovelly: That sounds scary.
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