Tuesday, February 08, 2011


I had so much fun playing tai-tai yesterday that I decided to have a sequel today.

No, not really.

I simply had an appointment today and I thought I might as well dress up for it.

I mean, I have all these new dresses and shoes that haven't even been taken out of shopping bags yet and truly, they deserve better. To be seen, at least.

I have a weird habit of buying things and just putting them aside once I get home, sometimes never ever seeing or using them again.

I think I only enjoy the process of buying and the satisfaction of owning them?

Yes, I have issues, I know.

Moving on.

After a night of obsessing and mentally scrutinising (plus repeating) in my head every single little stupid thing that I may or may not have said during my less than perfect performance yesterday, I woke up early this morning and made an appointment with a consulting agency.

So, a new pair of peep-toe heels, new pantyhose, and a new simple black dress. There is much to be said about taking a dress, still wrapped in monogram paper, out of the shopping bag and cutting off its price tag.

The appointment was quick and brief, not much of concrete help, but I walked out feeling slightly better knowing that at least I have been proactive.

I might never be as eloquent, persuasive or assertive as I'd like myself to be in stressful situations, but it's comforting to know that it's something I could work on to become better by being well prepared beforehand.

Bee took me out to another scrumptious lunch after my appointment, and we had the pleasant surprise of discovering the best beer battered fish and chips at a local cafe.

A friend was supposed to join us for coffee, but he canceled last minute because he lost both the original and spare keys for his car so he was stuck at the dealership to get new ones made. He has a successful career which is making him big bucks, but he was recently dumped by his long term girlfriend and then his new house was flash flooded on the first day he moved in. We were hoping to catch up with him to check on how he's coping and if he needed help or just company, but I guess we'll have to reschedule for another day.

While I was sipping on my orange and mango sparkling water, Bee said to me, "See, sweetie, everyone has it hard sometimes and their own set of problems, no matter how perfect their lives might seem to be on the outside. So maybe you should toughen up a little, and not let every single silly trivial thing get to you so easily."

He has a point.

For as long as I can remember, I have been so vulnerable and feel defeated way too easily.

These days, I'd stay in bed, sulk and mop over the smallest things, such as the slightest imperfection of a few tears on fabric underneath my new leather sofa, a minor hiccup at an interview, a bad work day, interrupted internet connection, an unfinished task, a speeding ticket, small leaks in the roof, etc. etc.

I'm aware that this behaviour and attitude of mine is highly unappreciative and ungrateful given the many privileges I've been blessed with in my life, but I just couldn't help it.

This not the real me, it's just my depression. I know that.

But I do not know how long I will be feeling this way, or if I will ever go back to my old self again.

Oh well, let's not dwell on the sadness and our shortcomings on a beautiful day like this huh?

For now, there is glorious weather, pretty dresses, and absolutely delicious beer battered fish fillets.