Mondayitis

It's the first Monday since I got back to Melbourne, and I'm already having a bad start to the week.

It all started with a lousy dinner on Sunday night.

Now we all know how crucial a good Sunday night dinner is to help to reduce those Monday blues, don't we?

Or is it just me? *Shrugs*

Last night, against all my better judgements, I allowed myself to walk into Pacific BBQ Cafe on Lonsdale Street (sister of the famous Pacific Seafood BBQ House in Richmond) because I was lured by the crispy skin roast pork displayed in the window and Wen had craving for roast duck.

Maybe I've just been away for too long that I had forgotten all about the kind of crappy service we get in HongKie restaurants around here, but seriously, the customer service was shocking!

First we were asked to share a table, which I hate, even when there were plenty of empty seats around and the place wasn't even full.

While we're on that note, I'd like to mention that Wen and I had concluded that 3 is the best number to dine out in Chinese restaurants (those without a white table cloth and wine glasses) in Melbourne. You will most likely get a table with 4 seats so you will have some personal space without feeling so crammed up like you're gonna knock something or someone over all the time, and you will have some distance from the other tables so you don't have strangers sitting next to you listening in on your entire conversation.

(Oh my God, did that just sound as sad as I think it sounded?)

Anyway, back to my story about my bad Sunday night dinner.

With a little luck, Wen and I actually got a tiny table to ourselves. Before we could sit down and take our coats off, the waitress was ready to take our orders. Not to mention that she insisted on speaking to us in Mandarin without asking if we understood the language even when we placed our order in English.

Okay, fine, I admit I'm being a tad bitchy about this, though I didn't show my displease at the time, because I had a horrible weekend with some really annoying guests in my apartment.

Our food came, my barbecued pork (char siew) and crispy skin roast pork were juicy and succulent, no complaints there. But the moment Wen put down her chopsticks, when she's barely half way through her roast duck noodles, a waiter popped up from nowhere, extended his arm, and wanted to collect her plate! Wtf?!

Every 5 minutes, I swear, the same waiter would appear and ask if we were done with our food. Now this all happened when the restaurant was not full and there were plenty of empty tables around. How rude is that?!

Oh, and we are not slow eaters, in case you're wondering.

Wen and I got so annoyed with him asking every 5 minutes that we simply let the waiter collected our plates when we were not even finished. I figured maybe he was just really eager to do his very important job of sending as many plates back to the kitchen as possible. *Rolls eyes*

After our plates were gone, I took a sip of my Coke with lemon, and the bill came without us asking for it. In under a minute! That's gotta be a world's record or something.

It was just slammed onto our table, without any explanation. And the same waiter started harassing the customers in the next table for their plates.

I understand your need of super fast turnover of tables in order to make as much moolah as possible in one night, but did you really have to be so blunt and abrupt while you're doing it? Would phrases like "please" and "thank you" kill you, really?

And maybe, just maybe, you can relax a little and give your customers a break when the place wasn't even full and there was clearly no line at the door?

Funny thing is, I don't see anyone rushing this Caucasian couple who's been there long before us and were slowly enjoying their meal with a bottle of BYO red wine.

It disgusts me sometimes how us Asians treat our own kind but would go out of our ways to lick the bottom of shoes of someone with a different skin colour.

And then there was this creepy man who kept staring at our table. He wasn't in his uniform, so initially I thought he's a customer waiting for our table, but turned out, he does work there. So maybe he's like the second phase "attack" after the waiter?

He was staring so rudely that I actually stared back at one point because I was that upset! He looked away for a bit, but started staring again soon after, inching closer to our table like an irritating fly.

The horror dining experience ended when Wen and I got bored with this seemingly impossible battle defending a customer's right to their table so they could at least finish their food and drinks that we decided to just leave.

And you'll be proud to know that we didn't tip that night. :|

With a bad weekend and a bad Sunday dinner in my pocket, I woke up this morning only to find that one of the annoying guests whom I've been trying to avoid like the plague is still in my apartment, and shows no intention of leaving anytime soon.

So no, I guess I'm not having that great a Monday.

I certainly hope yours is a better one.

Dancing

"Dancing is...is..is...losing yourself to the music.
It's as if you're not conscious of anything else.
It's as if you become the only one in the room."
~ Ally McBeal (Ally McBeal)

I want to go dancing.

I miss dancing.

I miss loud music and skimpy outfits. I miss doing shots with funky names until I'm completely wasted. I miss standing next to the woofers blasting out bass strong enough to shake the grounds and feeling like each beat is hitting so hard on my heart that my heart is going to stop.

Did I ever tell you that I love trance and techno?

(And yes, the infamous Melbourne Shuffle. Naturally.)

It's the loneliest music in the world.

It makes you feel completely isolated even when you're surrounded by a crazy crowd, as if you are the only person on the dance floor.

Or the whole world.

Even when you're rubbing shoulders with a dozen of sweaty strangers next to you, even when the laser light show is blinding your eyes, even when the club reeks of alcohol and cigarettes, all you have to do is to close your eye, and the room is completely empty.

All the noises are blocked out, including those of your own.

Like the little voice in your head that is always telling you to do the right things or act the right way, like the voices of people and yourself asking you what are you planning to do with your life, like the questions you have been asking yourself ten thousand times a day and still don't have an answer for.

All of a sudden, the world is on a standstill, and there is nothing else left besides the music.

Only you, the loud bass, and your heartbeats.

It's defeating silence. It's complete solitary. It's absolute freedom.

It's liberating.

So yes, I miss dancing.

And I miss being young.

Bleeding

There are several wounds on my body that are healing.

One in my heart that is never going to.

And last night, you just added another one.

Right where it hurts the most.

Lost Again

"Have you ever felt like there is no solace in anything, like, wherever you turn, you're just lost?"
~ Felicity Porter (Felicity)

That's exactly how I felt when I was back in Melbourne the previous time.

Every. Single. Day.

Then I decided to hop on a plane back to Malaysia for a break.

To breath, and reboot. As I called it.

It was an incredible 5 weeks. I stopped crying, and learned to laugh again.

Being with him made me feel safe.

In the bigger picture of life, I was still lost. I still didn't know what my next step is, I still couldn't figure out a clear direction that I should be heading towards, I still didn't know what the heck I'm going to do with myself.

But even so, I felt safe. In his arms.

I came back to Melbourne 5 weeks later with a much lighter luggage, but a little more courage and optimism.

I knew that I still didn't have things all figured out, but I felt a little braver this time round.

I was prepared to give it another go, believing that even if that doesn't go well, I was prepared to be more forgiving on myself.

Until I woke up this morning, good feelings are gone.

And the same feeling is back.

I am lost.

Once again.

Not Another Smile

I had dinner with Wen in Lygon.

I picked the restaurant. Lygon Street is one of my favourite parts of Melbourne, and tonight, I desperately needed to be reminded of why I once loved the city so much.

Dinner was great. I ordered my favourite pasta, she had her usual risotto. We chatted, we laughed, and we filled each other in with things that's been happening in our lives.

As usual, I felt the need to put up a brave face and a smile. I spoke of my time off as if it was a getaway in Bahamas, I told one of the sad stories that broke my heart like I was telling a joke I heard from someone else.

Maybe it's just the Aries in me.

Maybe I just never got over those two powerful lines that I read in a poem as a teen - "Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone.".

I have welcome-back dinners lined up every day this week. Italian with Wen tonight, Greek with Cathy tomorrow, Shanghainese dumplings with Dorothy and her boyfriend the day after.

But all I want to do is to stay in bed and cover my face with a blanket so my tears can flow freely.

I just don't have the energy to fake another smile.

Sleep

I spent my first day back in Melbourne drifting in and out of sleep.

I'm not tired or jet-lagged. Sleeping is just one of my ways trying to escape from reality.

I know I've done this a thousand times before and I should be used to it by now, but I am not.

I know how people are going to tell me that it's gonna get better with time so just try to be strong for now, but at the moment, I really can't see how this is gonna get any easier.

Can someone actually die from loneliness?

You know what? Don't answer that.

I'm going back to sleep.

Decision

I made a decision yesterday.

I don't know whether it was the right thing to do.

The fact is, I might never know.

Having to make that decision broke my heart. A small part of me died with it.

My heart aches so badly that it might never be able to heal completely.

I guess my only consolation comes from knowing that we are going through this together.

That I have you by my side, and I am not alone.

Did you realise that it was the first major decision we've had to make as a couple?

It's just sad that it had to be under such difficult and unfortunate circumstances.

A line from an old TV series brought me a little comfort during a particularly sad moment the other day:

"Sometimes in a relationship, going through hell isn't so bad if you come out of it a little stronger."
~ Sally (Felicity)

You know, for the longest time, it feels like our lives have been clouded over by a gloomy haze that is almost impossible to to see through.

It's daunting, depressing, and discouraging.

I don't know how or when this phase of our lives is going to clear up and we will be on the way up again.

I can only hope that when we do, we will come out of it stronger, and closer than ever.

And this would have been worth it.

Goodnight, My Someone

Goodnight, My Someone
Kristin Chenoweth
(The Music Man)

Goodnight, my someone
Goodnight, my love
Sleep tight, my someone
Sleep tight, my love
Our star is shining it's brightest light
For goodnight, my love, for goodnight

Sweet dreams be yours, dear
If dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight

True love can be whispered from heart to heart
When lovers are parted they say
But I must depend on a wish and a star
As long as my heart doesn't know who you are

Sweet dreams be yours, dear
If dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me
I wish they may and I wish they might
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight
Goodnight
Goodnight

Such Is Life

Just when I thought my biggest worry now is about returning to Melbourne next Tuesday or the healing of my dental wounds, I'm faced with a decision that is almost impossible for me to make.

One that is made even harder by knowing that no matter which way I go, life will never be the same again.

I don't know how to. I can't. I don't want to.

But I have to.

C'est la vie!

It Never Gets Easier

As I turn on my laptop and pull up a new blank post on blogger, it suddenly dawns on me that I'm actually leaving next Tuesday.

Which is exactly a week from today.

I thought it would be easier to leave this time. I really did.

After all, this was only meant to be a short trip from the very first beginning.

It was never meant to be anything else but a quick break for me to clear my head and gather my thoughts.

Or maybe I should say, to breathe, and reboot.

But why is it that I think of leaving and the air caught in my chest? Why is it that I'm not the least bit excited about escaping this scorching weather?

Maybe, it doesn't matter what you tell yourself, it doesn't matter how well you've prepared your heart, it just never gets easier to leave.

Never.

Be Careful What Your Heart Wishes For

'Cause they might just come true.

You know how every girl secretly wishes that we could do nothing but just stay in bed and binge on ice-cream and cakes all day, guilt-free?

Well, guess what? All you have to do is to have your wisdom teeth removed and, voila!

All of a sudden, you no longer have to feel bad about eating too much ice-cream because it's rightfully prescribed by the doctor.

Even the person who normally nags you endlessly about eating a healthy diet *hints hints* will now have to zip da lips because you're simply following doctor's orders. How cool is that? Haha.

And because your face literally look like one, you have every right to just laze around and be a couch potato. *Points at self - Miss Potatohead*

Tempted yet?

Just give your dentist a call and book in that appointment, darlings.

*Evil laughs*

Anyhoo, since I was bored out of my mind, I decided to show you what's on the menu for me today.

I had fat-free yoghurt and a huge cup of fresh fruit juice this morning. It's prolly the healthiest breakfast I've had in a long long time.

This butter cake is so fine and smooth that it literally melts in your mouth, which is perfect for me since it requires minimal chewing. Haha.

Bee got me this frozen mille crêpe thingy to cheer me up on Saturday, after he commented that my face looked like a papaya. :|

They don't look too impressive in pictures, kinda like mouldy cakes? (I know, eww!)

But it actually tastes pretty decent, much like frozen ice-cream cakes.

Speaking of which, time for ice cream!

I never knew that Bud's Ice Cream of San Francisco is manufactured in Thailand, did you?

Their Cookies and Cream failed to impress though, nothing to shout about.

Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup, on the other hand, is in a totally different league.

This picture doesn't do it justice at all, there are huge chunks of chocolate and nuts hidden underneath. Yum!

(Once again, it'd probably help if I could actually chew? *Rolls eyes*)

Friends' been telling me that most of them lost weight while recovering from their wisdom teeth extraction. With a diet like this, I really don't see how that's going to happen to me.

In fact, I see a higher chance of me packing on some extra pounds at the end of this ordeal. @_@

And now, I really really want a big plate of hot-off-the-wok char kuey teow!

Have I Told You Lately

Have I Told You Lately
Rod Stewart

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles that's what you do

For the morning sun in all its glory
Greets the day with hope and comfort too
You fill my life with laughter
And somehow you make it better
Ease my troubles that's what you do

There's a love that's divine
And its yours and its mine like the sun
And at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray
To the one, to the one

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles that's what you do

Some 65 months ago, all my childhood dreams came true when you told me that you love me.

Those dreams about meeting the perfect guy and he loves you too, those dreams that we were told to tuck away because they only happen in fairytales.

I smiled, and pretended that I wasn't the least bit surprised, but I was sure the sparkles in my eyes gave me away. All the sound faded away, for in that moment, my heart sang a song that was never heard before.

65 months later, I still can't believe that I've found my Prince Charming and he loves me back.

Sometimes I look at you from across the room, and I couldn't help but feel thankful for how lucky I am. My heart flutters a little, like a teenager newly in love; I sighed with much contentment and disbelief, like what I did after our first date.

And that's how I still love you, like the day we met.

Happy 65-month anniversary.

Miss Pumpkinface

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is your captain, Miss Pumpkinface speaking.

Yeap yeap, that's me, Miss My-Face-Looks-Like-A-Butternut-Pumpkin!

As you can see, it's only the 3rd day into my so called recuperation from my wisdom teeth extraction, and I'm already losing my marbles. :|

I woke up this morning and, literally, couldn't remember what day it is. I think I've been couped up at home for too long that I'm losing touch with the outside world. :(

I got real bored later on that I decided to tag along when Bee went for one of his many ice-cream runs for me at Village Grocer. I hid in the car (in the underground car park) the entire time though, very Phantom-like behaviour. Haha.

I guess the only thing worse than not being able to go anywhere because I'm Miss Potatohead *rolls eyes*, is not being able to eat normal food.

I'm currently on a soft diet. Even though the right side of my mouth seems to be doing better than the left, I still can't chew on solid food because the area around the wounds still feel pretty tender and I'm terrified of doing anything that might aggravate it.

For the past 2 days, I've been feeding on really watery porridge, ice-cream, fruit puree and soft cakes, which doesn't sound too bad. But this is day three of the same food, and I'm starting to go out of my mind.

Somebody gets me a big fat juicy burger! NOW!!

Don't Call Me Pumpkin

The good news is, I no longer look like a chipmunk storing nuts in my cheeks.

The bad news is, I woke up today with my face looking like a butternut pumpkin!! *Cries*

Worse yet, a loop-sided butternut pumpkin!! *Wails*

One side of my cheeks is much swollen than the other. The ironic thing is, it's the left side, which had a fairly straightforward extraction, that is doing worse than the right side, of which the wisdom tooth had a crooked root and required a much more extensive surgery to remove it.

Bee called the clinic to check if it's normal and the nurse assured him that there is nothing to be worried about.

Since then, he's been constantly mocking me, either by imitating my puffy cheeks or asking me, "Are you sure you're not chewing on something now?"

So much for showering his vulnerable wife with lots of TLC huh? *Rolls eyes*

I've tried my best to avoid looking at my reflection in the mirror. It kinda looks like I've gained 10 pounds on my left cheek alone, or I stuffed a golf ball in my mouth. Or rather, a tennis ball.

If it's Halloween season, I can probably go out in the public and scare small children. :|

From now on, let's just say that I'll never feel the same anymore when someone calls me pumpkin.

A Little Less Wisdom

I had both of my lower wisdom teeth extracted today.

It's such a traumatising and tormenting experience that I'd never wanna go through again!

Thank God for the two tablets of midazolam I was given before the procedure and my very cute dentist, a gentle old man who looks like Geppetto sans the white moustage. Without either of them, I seriously doubt I'll be able to pull through the whole hour of agony in that horrifying dental chair.

But of course, Bee, as usual, has been my strongest fortress through this ordeal. It made a whole world of difference knowing that he was sitting in the reception area, waiting to take me home and pamper me like a spoiled child.

Pain during the actual extraction was minimal. My very sweet dentist did a really good job to make sure that I was as comfortable as possible, and to my surprise, I really was.

Apart from feeling a little disturbed by the amount of force that had to be applied to remove the teeth and the terrifying sound of the driller cutting my teeth, I experienced minimal pain and discomfort. The worst pain probably came from the multiple jabs of local anaesthetic into my gum in preparation for the extraction.

Other than that, I guess the whole process was more emotionally straining rather than physically due to the unexplainable fear for dentists and their sharp tools that seems to be embedded in all of us by default.

Towards the end of the procedure, I started dozing off and talking gibberish because the two tablets of sedative had kicked in with full force. I have no recollection what-so-ever of how I left the clinic and got home.

Bee said I actually accused him of kidnapping me in the elevator. Haha. Imagine what other crazy things I might have said to my dentist prior to that! @_@

I woke up 3-4 hours later, in the comfort of our bed, with swollen cheeks and a nagging pain. It's actually not so much of a pain rather than this annoying discomfort of constant pressure against my gums and jaw, which is suffice to prohibit me from opening my mouth fully or eating/speaking normally.

Both of my cheeks are so puffy now that Bee said I look like a chipmunk hiding a hazelnut in both sides of my mouth. *Wails*

At this stage, I guess it's safe to assume that you will be seeing a lot of me for the next few days since I ain't leaving the house looking like Theodore from Alvin and the Chipmunks!

So this is me signing out, yours chubby-cheeks truly minus a little wisdom that she could seriously do without.

Goodnight, peeps!

Love At First Whiff - Chloé EDP

I wasn't sure if it was love, but it was definitely lust at first whiff.

A strong and passionate lust that is so intense that you've just got to have it.

Yes, people, I'm talking about my new found scent - Chloé EDP.

I was walking through the mall as usual when a promoter handed me a testing strip.

One whiff, and my heart instantly knew.

First introduced by Chloé in 2008, this eponymous perfume has been described as a scent to capture the creative, confident individuality of a free spirited woman with an utterly innate sense of chic and natural sexiness.

The noses behind this fragrance are Amandine Marie and Michel Almairac, who are responsible in creating a genius combination of floral powdery notes of roses, vibrant hints of peony and lychee, a subtle blend of warm amber and elegant cedarwood, delicate magnolia and lily of the valley, and the embellishment of fresh green freesia.

This eau de parfum manages to pull off the perfect balance between elegantly girly and playful edginess without being overly feminine or powdery.

It's the perfect perfume for those of us who are "not a girl, not yet a woman". *Winks*

I absolutely love the translucent and fresh, maybe even slightly flirtatious, airy head notes, which drift away becoming richer and more sensual, much like the velvety interior of roses, slowly unveiling the base notes of warm amber, honey, and elegant cedarwood to create a smooth and comforting finish.

If I needed to sum the fragrance up in one sentence, it's like smelling fresh roses and wet grass on a cold and crisp spring morning.

Another thing to love about this perfume is the super pretty bottle, a girly design which is sure to melt hearts.

The ornamental square glass bottle was inspired by the pleated sleeves on a Chloé blouse. The fluted glass and silver plated collar give just the right amount of romantic and vintage frills perfected by the finishing touch of a hand-tied ribbon.

The classic bottle carries a quiet charm, or even, a nostalgic and poetic atmosphere. It very much reminded us of the type of bottles that we used to see on mum's vanity table, only with a modern twist.

Very pearl necklace, twinsets, and ballet shoes.

I know winter has barely begun in Melbourne, but I think I'm ready for spring.

I'm in love.

Melting Point

It's been so hot in KL that I think I've reached my melting point.

I'm constantly sweating like an ice cube next to a blowtorch, even when I tried to keep my movements to minimal.

It's just so FREAKING hot!!

I jokingly told Bee that if he wakes up one day and find that only my pajamas is left on the spot I usually sleep on, it could only mean that I've completely melted into the mattress.

And I provided him with full instructions how to revive me should that happen. If he so desires, of course. Haha.

Now I'm gonna share this information with you guys in hope that should this ever happen to someone you know, you would already know exactly what to do. Because in this ridiculous weather, you just never know. *Shrugs*

The procedure to resuscitate is fairly straightforward - simply squeeze out as much as you could from the mattress into a bucket, and stick the bucket into the fridge for an hour or so to cool the person down. Full recovery is highly possible, with the likely bonus of losing a few pounds in the process. *Winks*

Yes, I'm talking gibberish here. This crazy heat has really done my head in!

Now if you'd excuse me, I need to go stick my head into the fridge for a while.

Toddles!

The End, The Beginning

A week after the final test for my secret project, I still find it difficult to believe that I actually passed.

So did the people around me.

I broke the exciting news to mum when she got back from her shopping trip in Singapore with dad, and she couldn't believe it!

For someone who has always believed that I could do anything I put my mind to, even at times when I didn't believe in myself, to be surprised that I passed the test on first attempt, that says something about how bad my body coordination is huh? Haha.

Some of you have been really curious about what this project is all about, believe me when I say that I had no intentions to be so secretive about it. It's just that I hate to not deliver what I said I would when I set out to do something, so I'd rather not say anything until I've actually done it.

I'm gonna reveal what it is in due time, I promise, but not now. For the simple reason that the project is, as a matter of fact, not completed just yet.

Passing the test marks the end of the course I signed up for in Malaysia, but it is also the starting line for the next phase of this project that is to be carried out when I'm back in Melbourne.

Like everything else in life, the end of a phase, simply marks the beginning of another.

So do bear with me for now, and wish me luck as I muddle my way into the second part of my secret project, I'll sure be needing lots of it.

Till then.

Midpoint Updates

It's been 2.5 weeks since I flew (or rather, fled) back to KL.

Which also means that I'm half way through my little escape from reality. *Inserts sad face*

Things have been great so far.

More than great, actually.

I'm taking things slow, not doing much except attending classes for my secret project twice weekly and occasionally trying to cook up an edible meal for Bee without causing too much chaos in the kitchen.

Yeap, you heard it right, yours truly has actually been trying to cook. Trying being the keyword. Hehe.

On most days, shopping is still the most important agenda on my daily to-do list, but I've learned to keep it under control. Eeeee....xcept the few times that I went a little out of control, hmmmm... *Scratches chin*

Other than that, Bee and I have been spending lots of quality time together. Like I've said when replying one of the comments, I guess the few weeks being apart has taught us to treasure our time together even more.

So yes, for those of you who asked, I am happy.

And I'm glad that I hit "enter".

Nescafe Moments

It was a lazy rainy afternoon.

A pot of beef soup was sitting on the stove and quietly simmering away, filling the house with a rush of fragrant vapour.

Nothing comforts the soul more on a rainy day than a big bowl of old fashioned homey stew or soup.

My half drank cup of tea was left on the table, slowly growing cold to the soft humming sound of air-conditioner in the background.

I stood in front of the windows of our kitchen, listening to the pelting rain and faint claps of thunder while greedily sniffing the air for the wonderful aromas of hearty homemade soup.

Then my husband sneaked behind me and put his arms around me, rubbing his unshaved stubble against my face.

"Missed me?" He whispered.

I smiled at him, and he smiled back.

With the little sparkles in our eyes that we once promised to never forget.

And that's our very own "Nescafe moment".

I Did It!!!

I did it I did it I DID IT!!

I don't know how, but I did it!

I sat for the final test for my secret project today, and I passed!!

*Throws fist in air excitedly*

In more ways than one, I don't feel deserving of passing, but I sure am glad that it's over.

Oh my God, I still can't believe that I passed!

Quick, someone slap me now!!