OCD - Obession with Crackers and Dips

Life's been rather uneventful lately, which is usually what happens when I start working.

Plus that I'm sick. I think I'm coming down with an ear infection. Been having this earache for a few days and my throat is starting to get a lil sore.

It has nothing, I repeat, nothing to do with me binging on junk food like there's no tomorrow. But regardless of what I said, Bee still banned me from junk food this weekend. *Shrugs*

*Whispers* Well, he's not really here to keep an close eye on me, is he? Haha.

Now, let me present you with my latest addiction - rice crackers and avocado dip!

My new favourite snack is Soho's corn and rice crackers by Fantastic.

It's fabulous and definitely fantastic. And it has less than 10% fat (or so it claims).

All flavours are great, but I like cheese delight and nacho cheese the most.

Try it! You'll love it.

Oh, did I ever mention that I'm a obsessive compulsive eater? Once I like something, I can keep eating it for days till I get sick of it or till I find something new to obsess about.

I had rice crackers with Black Swan avocado dip for both lunch and dinner on Friday. The only reason why I haven't been eating them all weekend is because I ran out of crackers and I'm too lazy to go out and get them.

And I ran out of my favourite Camembert cheese too.

Note to self - need to do food shopping tomorrow.

Bee always teases me that I don't practise what I preach. I give dietary advices and tell my patients to watch what they eat while I have the most unhealthy diet myself.

Well, in my defence, I like to separate work and leisure. Work is just work, yes? :D

But it's bad, I know. I will start eating right, baby. I promise.

Once I'm done with them crackers. Hehe.

Indulgence

I had a junk-food weekend.

For 2 days, I fed myself nothing but Pringles, ice-cream, peri-peri chips from Nandos, and soft drinks.

I was one brave soul to completely ignore the layers of fat I'm piling up around my waistline.

And here are my interesting findings:

• Ice-cream tastes better when eaten right out of the tub.
• Sour Cream & Onion is still the best flavour of Pringles.
• Coke goes well with every kind of junk food.
• You always have to double check your order because Nandos always ended up giving me ordinary chips when I specifically told them that I like my chips 'peri-perified'.
• Sometimes, a girl just needs to worry less and eat more.

So it was a good weekend.

Until I got snapped back into reality and started worrying about cellulite. x_x

Don't Quit, Accessorise!

"I admit it's tempting to wish for the perfect boss, the perfect parent, or the perfect outfit. But maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorise what we've got."
~ Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City)

In the spirit of accessorising (and of course, to see the brighter side of things), I decided it was time to go shopping.

I nearly screamed when I accidentally came across the kind of necklaces I've been looking for for a really long time. Those big round bead necklaces.

Come to think of it, they actually look like those necklaces on the Marge and Lisa Simpson. Ha!

A friend later reminded me that they look like Wilma's necklace as well.

They come in 8 colours. White, black, turquoise, lime green, pink, orange, yellow, and red.

I love all of them. But it would be crazy to buy all of them since accessories in Australia are seriously overpriced. (Can't say I wasn't tempted though.)

After much consideration (actually it was after Bee pointed out that they most probably will be out of fashion in a few months time or I might get bored of them after wearing them for a couple of times, whichever comes sooner), I reluctantly decided to only get 3 colours - white, turquoise and orange.

To compensate myself for not getting the rest, I grabbed a gorgeous long chain pearl necklace. Haha.

I felt bad. I did. For paying that much money for something that probably only cost a few bucks to make them in China. But I figured, at least they will come in handy when I need to dress up for the next Halloween or a costume party.

Wilma sounds like a much hotter idea than Lisa or Marge, doesn't it? :)

The Week After

It's been a tiring week.

Maybe it's because my body has yet to adjust itself back to the working schedule. I found myself dozing off on the couch every night even before the 10.30pm news. :/

Let's sum up the week.

I'm feeling much better already. My PMS is gone and now I can finally see the whole situation clearly without being clouded by those crazy hormones. So no more crying in the middle of the night or throwing tantrums for no reason at all.

Being a girl can be quite a pain sometime. (Yes Bee, being the girl's boyfriend can be an even bigger pain. :P )

I called the Board on Monday and spoke to the registrar. We've established that it's not compulsory for me to do another three months of supervised practice at a different work place before the next Board exam (though they strongly recommend so, for my own good).

The date of the next exam hasn't been decided yet, but it should be somewhere around end of January or early February. So I guess I'm staying back to take another shot.

Six more weeks at my current workplace and I'll be out of the evil claws of my current employer. I'll see where I go from there. I might volunteer to work few days a week at a different place or I might just sit around at home and wait for the next big day.

Do you know what this means?

It means that there wont be Chinese New Year at home for me this year, AGAIN. It means that I won't be celebrating Christmas, New Year, our 2-year anniversary and Valentine's Day with Bee. It means that I won't be home for at least another 3 months. It means that I won't get to see my cute boyfriend for at least another 3 months. It means that I have to put all other plans on hold for at least another 3 months.

The sweet boy offered to fly in to Melbourne to spend Christmas and New Year with me. As tempting as it sounds, it might not be a good idea.

I know I won't be able to concentrate or sit down to study with him around. Then I'll have to go through the emotional roller coaster to get used to not having him around once again when he leaves, and that won't be a nice feeling when I have to study for the Board exam.

Having said that, I also miss him dearly and I want to see him desperately. It sucks to not be able to spend more time with him and celebrate every single special occasions together.

Most friends in Melbourne are going home for Chinese New Year, which means I'll be all alone around my exam period. Another thing that's gonna suck big time.

But like what everyone's been saying to me, "Think of all those years we spent in uni, what's another 3 months huh?"

True. What's another 3 months huh?

When life throws you lemons, make lemonade. They say.

I'll be fine.

22-Month Anniversary

My dearest Bee,

Have I ever told you that you're the best thing that has ever happened to me?

I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend than you are. You're everything that I had hoped for ever since I was a little girl, and now I have you. It's truly a dream came true, and I thank God everyday for you.

You stood by my choices in life no matter what they were. You make me feel like I can be anything and anyone I want to be. You're always there for me when I need you. We always have the best fun even when we're doing absolutely nothing at all. And waking up next to you in the morning just makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the whole world.

I love you more than words can say, baby.

I know that we haven't been spending enough time together this past year, but let's hope that's all gonna change very soon. Being apart from you makes me realise how much I want to share my life with you, how I want to go through everyday holding your hands.

Happy 22-month anniversary, Bee. Let's have many many more.

Rambling

Sometimes I feel like I'm merely living.

I'm not happy with work. I'm not passionate about what I do everyday. I don't get that exciting buzz in my head when I wake up every morning to go to work.

My boss is one of those most immoral hypocrites you can imagine. For the life in me, I can't understand how is she allowed to practise in healthcare. And I can't really say a thing about it. That's how she's been for 60 years of her life, she's not about to change now just because of some idealist fresh out of uni.

At work, I'm not doing the right things like I'm supposed to as an ethical professional. I'm asked to see it as more of a business, because at the end of the day, the business pays my wages. It kills me sometimes when I think about it.

What makes it worse is that I don't have the option of quitting because I'm bound by contract to finish my traineeship and fulfill the requirements needed by the Board. If I intended on obtaining my professional registration, I'm just gonna have to grit my teeth and bear with it.

For most of 2005, I've been so busy juggling between studying and assignments and working and training workshops and seminars that I hardly had time for anything else. The number of times I've been clubbing this year is less than what I used to do in a month. I hardly have time to hang out with friends because I'm normally too tired after work and even on weekends.

I have a wonderful boyfriend, but he's not here with me. We talk on the phone everyday and we love each other very much. But we're not sharing a life together.

He's not here when I come home from work and I'm not there when he goes to bed at night. In total, we've seen each other for less than a month this year.

I'm merely living.

And I thought everything will get better once I'm done with this traineeship and finally get my license to practise.

Then I can go on a long holiday with Bee. Then I can have more time to myself when I don't have to worry about assignment deadlines and exams. Then I can start to enjoy what this city has to offer. Then I can choose a work place where I'll be motivated and excited about going to work everyday. Then I can be more in control of my life instead of blindly fulfilling what the Board expects me to do. Then I can be completely free of all hassles and start living my life.

Now, all the 'then' is not gonna happen.

I'm back to merely living again.

Random Thoughts

I'm still sad. I can't shake the sorrow.

I don't handle failures very well. I failed once 5 years ago, I'm still recovering from that. Just when I'm about to get over it, it struck me again.

That's how they work, isn't it? To get you when you're just about to forget all about it.

I don't feel like seeing or talking to anyone. I just want to hide in a shell and feel sorry for myself.

After the verdict, I started getting emails from coursemates. Some of them passed, some of the failed.

It made me feel slightly better to know that I'm not alone in this, that I'll have someone to go through this whole thing with. Doesn't mean that I'm glad they failed too, but let's be honest, it does suck if you're the only loser who didn't pass.

My confidence is bruised.

Everyone's been telling me that too much was expected of me and even someone who's had 10 years of experience can't answer some of the questions I got. But still, they're practising happily while I have to go through the Board exam again to prove that I'm worthy to be recognised as a competent healthcare professional. But of course, it's only fair that we get picked on because we're young and fresh out of uni. :|

I want to go home. I'm homesick. I want to wear my old pajamas and watch TV for 20 hours a day. I want to not take shower for days and no one can complain that I smell because I'm in a bad mood. I want my brothers to put on silly act to try to make me laugh. I want mum to call home every half an hour to check on me and to see what I feel like eating. I want dad to bring home my favourite supper and leave them on the dining table because he's the typical Chinese man who's never good at expressing his emotions even when he cares so much. I want a maid to clean my bathroom and make my bed because I'm sick of doing them myself.

I'm a spoilt brat. Bite me.

I feel so lonely these days. I'm no good in handling things all by myself. I need someone to be around, but I'm too choosy with who I invite into that special space of mine.

The only other person I want to see now is my Bee. He can bring me out for dinners and movies when I don't feel like going out to see anyone I know. He can buy me things to cheer me up because retail therapy always works. He can take me into his arms and tell me that I'm still his perfect princess. He can pat my back and stroke my hair when I cry.

I miss him.

I still love my life. I have a family that loves me unconditionally and the best boyfriend anyone can hope for. I have all to myself an one bedroom apartment located right in the heart of one of the best cities in the world. I have friends who will be there for me whenever I come out of my shell.

This is just a small bump in the road.

I'll be alright, in time.

But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow.
Even darkness must pass.
A new day will come.
And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer.
~ Samwise Gamgee (The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers)

The Day After

I went back to work today.

These are the typical responses I got when I told people that I failed:

"You're kidding, right?"
"Oh c'mon, that's such an old trick!"
"Stop joking. Tell me the truth."
"You're pulling my legs again."
"Hahahahaha. Seriously now."

When I tried to tell them again that I really failed, these are the responses I got:

"Nah, I still think that you're pulling one on me."
"Stop joking!"
"C'mon, quit it already."
"Stop pretending."
"Hahahahaha. Seriously now."

I wish I was joking too. Seriously.

After the Verdict

I finished a whole tub of cookies and cream ice-cream. Every girl's gotta have a good tub of ice-cream in the fridge for times like this.

I cleaned up the place. My apartment looks like a war zone after every assignment deadline or exam.

I slept. This time, I didn't dream.

I broke the news to mum. She hid her disappointment and told me that she's already proud of me because I went to sit for the exam.

I talked to Bee. He's the best boyfriend in the whole world.

I cried while I was on the phone with Bee. It was the first time I cried after I found out about the result.

I spoke to mum again. She called me for the second time just to tell me that both dad and her won't blame me for failing and they just want me to be happy.

I took a sleeping pill and slept, wishing that it had all been just a bad dream.

But it wasn't.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Willie Nelson

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

One day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly,
Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why, oh why can't I?

Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly,
Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then, oh why can't I?

The Verdict

I failed.

Though it was somewhat expected, I still feel shitty about it.

I woke up around 9am today. The result was going to be released via email at 2pm.

So I ate something, and forced myself to go back to sleep.

I had a dream. In the dream, I found out that I failed.

I woke up, looked at the clock. It was only 12noon. So I went back to sleep again.

Then I had another dream. This time, I passed.

Of course then I woke up and realised that it was just a dream. Bugger!

I turned on my computer, logged onto the internet, and waited.

The email came at 1.50pm.

"Dear candidate, you have been unsuccessful in the Board examination at this attempt."

I was surprisingly calm. I saw it coming.

We were asked to contact the chief examiner to discuss our results. And I did.

Nothing she said was something I didn't know about. My current traineeship is doing me no good, I knew that long time ago. I was hoping that all the cramming would cover up what I didn't get to learn in everyday practice, but it didn't. The examiners felt that I haven't had enough exposure to different areas in my professional practice, which was fair enough.

I don't know what is going to happen next. They might want me to go to a different setting for another 3 months of supervised practice before I can re-sit the exam next year.

The thing is, I don't even know whether I want to do it again.

I'm just lost.

I know that it's none of my fault. I know that no one blames me for not making it. I know that my family and Bee will love no matter what the outcome was. I know that I always have a choice. I know that it doesn't reflect anything of who I am and what I'm capable of. I know that it's no big deal. I know that the world will keep spinning and the sun will continue to shine.

But it still hurts like a bitch.

The Exam

My flight was delayed for 30 minutes.

I sat in the waiting lounge, looking at people passing by.

Airport is a weird place, there're so much mixed emotions around. Tears waving goodbye, laughters welcoming someone home, sadness parting with loved ones, joy going on long-awaited holidays. And for me, nervousness going to a Board exam.

I was so tired from the sleepless night that I fell asleep on the plane even before we took off.

A few turbulences woke me up. My throat was parched and I wanted to order a hot drink, but decided against it since we were about to land. At this stage, I was just feeling numb.

We touched down at 10 o'clock in the morning. My Board exam was at 11am.

I sat in the airport for quite a while again because I didn't want to go to the Board office too early. I felt dizzy and nauseous, my stomach was churning. But emotionally, I was just numb.

I finally got into a cab which took me to the new building the Board had recently moved to. I was so blur that I didn't even remember whether he gave me back my change.

Met a few coursemates in the waiting room. Chit-chatted a bit before we were summoned into different rooms by different examiners. We're assigned two examiners each, one based in community settings and one from clinical background. I got Mr R and Mrs S.

The whole process was rather blurry. I don't remember much about it.

Time went by surprisingly fast. But in my heart, I already knew that I wasn't gonna make it.

At the end of the 2 hours, Mr R said, "Okay, we're done!"

I said, "Yeah, me too."

He laughed and showed me the way out.

A few of us coursemates went to have lunch at Little Italy. They had pasta, I was too sick to eat so I ordered an apple and peach drink to calm my tummy.

It's always fun catching up with old friends. I miss those simple and worry-free days in school. (Though I was never in class.)

We walked around the city for a bit before I had to run off to meet an old old friend of mine.

Yin and I only had 20 minutes to catch up before I had to leave for the airport again. She's moving to New South Wales to do her internship next year. Soon, there won't be many people I know left in this city that I once called home for 5 years.

I went to the airport, took the 5.15pm flight and flew back to Melbourne. Once again, I fell asleep before the plane took off and only woke up shortly before we had to land.

It all felt like a dream, this whole day.

Another cab ride, and I was home.

So I went, and I sat for the exam. Now leave me alone.

Dead Woman Talking

I'm blogging now because my cab is arriving in 15 minutes and I can't sit still.

I didn't wear whatever I said I'll wear. After a totally sleepless night, I felt like I couldn't breath in that little black dress of mine.

Besides, I'm not feeling so hot either. In fact, I feel dead.

Couldn't sleep all night, couldn't study either. And now, my brain is totally dead. I can't remember anything at all, even things I used to know.

My eyes are sore and tired and dry. So I'll have to wear my nerdy glasses.

I tied my hair into a ponytail because letting it down, again, makes me feel like I couldn't breath.

I'm in my skinny jeans, a black top, and a cropped jacket. I look like I'm going grocery shopping instead of sitting for a professional exam. But hell, they didn't exactly mention what we have to wear anyway. (I just checked the letter to make sure.)

Did I mention that I feel like throwing up? No, correction. I have been throwing up and still feel like it.

I feel so sick. I feel like a zombie. I can't feel my head. My eyes are gonna pop out any moment. Every single nerve of my body is hurting.

I'm fucked. (Not the good kind.)

Countdown: 24 Painful Hours Left

Dad thinks nothing of this exam. He said, "You graduated already wat. This exam is no big deal lar. Don't want to sit then come back lor. Even better. Get registered there for what?"

Mum softened after I sobbed on the phone and sounded really distressed. She said, "Okay okay, don't want to sit then no need to sit. Sleep early tonight, go out and eat something nice tomorrow, finish off whatever you have to do in Melbourne, then pack up and come home. I cook your favourite food everyday, okay?"

Brothers (in background) said, "Ask jie jie (translation: sis aka me) to remember to bring Christmas presents back."

Bee, being the sweetest boyfriend that he is, would never want me to do anything that makes me any less than a happy princess.

Now, if only I can convince myself that I won't look back someday and regret not sitting for the exam.

Be Afraid Not

The Board exam has started today.

I haven't been studying. I think I'm overly stressed, it's not something that I deal with very well.

Went to Wen's church today. The pastor read out this passage:

"Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood."
~ Isaiah 54: 4

I was stunned. It was the exact same passage I happened to come across in the bible when I opened it the other day.

I felt as though it was speaking to me. God was speaking to me.

I shouldn't be afraid. (Easier said than done, yes.) If I have to fail, if I have to re-sit the exam in February, so be it.

Or else, there's always Malaysia.

I thought God had forgotten about me just because I had forgotten about him. But it doesn't work that way.

"For a brief moment, I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,
says the Lord your Redeemer."
~ Isaiah 54: 7-8

Do You Believe in Rainbows?

陽光總在風雨後
許美靜

人生路上甜苦和喜憂
願與你分擔所有
難免曾經跌倒和等候
要勇敢的抬頭

誰願常躲在避風的港口
寧有波濤洶湧的自由
願是你心中燈塔的守候
在迷霧中讓你看透

陽光總在風雨後
烏雲上有晴空
珍惜所有的感動
每一份希望在你手中

陽光總在風雨後
請相信有彩虹
風風雨雨都接受
我一直會在你的左右

In high school, Bridget and I hid the lyrics under our books during class as I taught her to sing this song line by line. Back then, I was a very strong and brave girl who believes in rainbows and sunshine.

Somewhere along the road, things changed.

I still believe in rainbows and sunshine. But I'm no longer strong and brave.

I'm just not that girl anymore.

Chicken or Tuna?

I'll stop whining for now and start writing about something with substance.

I'm gonna talk about what I'll wear for my Board exam. Ha!

Well, I figure that if I'm going to be the only loser who fails the exam, then at least I want to be an attractive loser.

I normally look like a druggie in the back alley when I go for exams, wearing my grungy old jeans and jumper with completely no make up on. Not forgetting the eye bags and dark circles and stress-induced breakouts. Nobody goes to exam hall to check out chicks or to be checked out anyway. We all have bigger problems to worry about, don't we?

Well, things are different this time. One is hoping to score a few brownie points by looking sharp. Think they'll look past the fact that I'm a complete airhead who poses great danger to the wellbeing of general public if they happen to like my accessories? Haha.

I think not. But it can't hurt ey? :P

Well, I'm gonna wear my little black dress from Cue with my oh-so-cute grey cropped jacket and my favourite white beads necklace. (Bee is gonna disagree as he thinks all cropped jackets look weird.) Oh, and my gorgeous metallic gold heels.

A girlfriend asked me to wear dangling big earrings because apparently it distracts people's attention and they lose focus. She said it always worked for her presentations and her lecturers just somehow wouldn't threw as many questions at her whenever she did.

Tricks we girls have up our sleeves never cease to amaze me. No other supporting evidence is available for the suggestion mentioned above, so I guess I'll try it out. All in the name of research. Haha.

Oh I'm so dead.

Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish?
I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea'.
~ Jessica Simpson (Newlyweds)

Don't Mind Me

This blog has been all about the exam these days. So has my life.

I'm so sick of it that I've been feeling nauseous for as long as I can remember. It really doesn't help that Melbourne's weather has gone crazily hot lately.

So I'm cranky and stressed and sick and I can't study. Fabulouso!

I have no idea how am I going to sit through the whole TWO freaking hours!

Written exam would be much easier. When you don't know jack shit, you can just sit around and bite your pen, or you can fall asleep and drool all over the exam paper. Better yet, you can walk out right after the reading time. No fuss, no muss.

Oral exam, on the other hand, is completely different. If you don't know the answer, then you're gonna have to tell them examiners, "I have no idea what we're talking about because I'm a stupid and lazy graduate. Feel free to condemn me as I'm truly unworthy of your time."

x_x

Dad and mum and Bee have all been telling me that I don't have to go through with this if I don't want to. They'll be much happier if I go home anyway.

So, it's really my choice.

I chose to do this to myself. I chose to stay back, I chose to get registered in Australia when I might not even stay here to practise next year, I chose to bum around and not study, I chose to pay a bomb for this apartment which is facing west and hence turns into a fucking oven in the afternoon and it doesn't even have air-conditioning, I chose to let the days go by until it's too late to remedy anything. And now I'm sitting here bitching about it.

But hey, that's just the way it is. :/

You Know Things Ain't Good When Kim Beazley Agrees with John Howard

Attack being planned in Australia: PM
Wednesday Nov 2 13:30 AEST

Australian intelligence authorities have received specific information about a terrorist threat in Australia, Prime Minister John Howard says.

Mr Howard refused to give details of the threat, saying the Australian public would never forgive him if he wrecked any police operation to stop it.

Australia's general terrorism threat level will remain unchanged, despite the information.

But Mr Howard will rush an urgent amendment to anti-terrorism laws into parliament which he says will strengthen the capacity of law enforcement agencies to protect Australians.

The government has received specific intelligence and police information this week which gives cause for serious concern about a potential terrorist threat," he told reporters in Canberra.

"We have seen material. It is a cause of concern.

"We have been given advice that if this amendment is enacted as soon as possible the capacity of the authorities to respond will be strengthened.

"And I am satisfied on what I have been told, and the government and the national security ministers in cabinet are satisfied, that that is the case but I do not intend and cannot and will not go into any of the operational details."

All state premiers and the federal opposition have agreed to support the changes, which will be rushed through parliament on Wednesday night and Thursday in a special Senate sitting.

Mr Howard said he understood that people would be frustrated that he could not reveal any details, including which city might be targeted.

But he said he was damned if he did and damned if he didn't.

"If you go into a lot of detail and you wreck the operation, the Australian public will not forgive you," he said.

"In those situations, I have no alternative but to say to my fellow Australians we have received information, we have been told by the authorities that their capacity to deal with it will be strengthened by this change to the law.

"I'm asking the Australian public and the Australian parliament to accept that we are acting in a bona fide way to do the right thing by the country."

Mr Howard said if he went into any more detail, he might weaken the capacity of authorities to respond.

Opposition Leader Kim Beazley, who was extensively briefed on the threat, said Labor was prepared to pass the amendment on Wednesday night if necessary.

Mr Beazley said the information he had been given was highly specific and detailed, but refused to go into details.

"The prime minister describes it as urgent, because of the intelligence that has been presented to him," he told reporters.

The amendment to the Anti-Terrorism Bill will replace the word "the" with "a" in the definition of a terrorism offence, to clarify that it is not necessary to identify a particular terrorist act.

Instead, it will be enough for the prosecution to prove that the particular conduct was related to "a" terrorist act.

Attorney-General Philip Ruddock will introduce the amendment after Question Time on Wednesday afternoon.

Mr Howard said he had not yet received any information that would require a change in the general terror threat level for Australia.

But he said Australians should know all was being done to protect their safety.

"I ask my fellow Australians to understand that we are doing everything we can in a difficult situation to protect the public," he said.

Mr Beazley said his party would support the new laws, which would be urgently introduced into parliament on Wednesday afternoon.

Mr Howard has fully briefed Mr Beazley on the threat but the Labor leader refused to reveal any more detail.

However, he said his party would back the bill.

"The prime minister describes it as urgent because of the circumstances that have been presented to him by the intelligence agencies and the other agencies who are briefing him on these matters," Mr Beazley told reporters.

"They have to make judgments about whether or not they need this bill now.

"All I say is this; if it is particularly urgent then we ought to stand ready to pass it immediately.

"So our Senators are available to make the passage of this legislation immediately."

Courtesy of National Nine News

Few weeks ago, an al Qaeda operative threatened new attacks against cities in the U.S. and Australia.

"Yesterday, London and Madrid. Tomorrow, Los Angeles and Melbourne, Allah willing. And this time, don't count on us demonstrating restraint or compassion," the tape warned.

Today, John Howard revealed that he has just received reliable and specific information about a terrorist threat targeting Australia.

Do ya all think they'll shut down the airport before next Tuesday?

I might not have to sit for the exam after all.

Just a thought. :/

My Life Is So Boring

Angina
Nitrates
Glyceryl Trinitrate
Isosorbide Dinitrate
Isosorbide Mononitrate
Nicorandil
Perhexiline
Loop diuretics
Frusemide
Ethacrynic Acid
Butemetadine
Thiazide diuretics
Indapamide
Chlorthalidone
Hydrochlorothiazide
Potassium-sparing diuretics
Spironolactone
Amiloride
Triamterene with Hydrochlorothiazide

Why can't they be
Manolo Blahnik
Ermenegildo Zegna
Balenciaga
Louis Vuitton
Oscar de la Renta
Hermes
Gucci
Prada
Jimmy Choo
Salvatore Ferragamo
Bottega Veneta
Fendi
Stella Mccartney

I'm going to bed.

I'm not sleepy. I'm just sick of books. So sleep I shall.

Later, alligators.

眼光
天韵

不管天有多黑，
星星还在夜里闪亮。
不管夜有多长，
黎明早已在那头盼望。
不管山有多高，
信心的歌把它踏在脚下。
不管路有多远，
心中有爱仍然可以走到云端。

谁能跨过艰难，
谁能飞跃沮丧，
谁能看见前面有梦可想，
上帝的心看见希望，
你的心里要有眼光。
喔, 你的心里要有眼光。

Countdown: 7 Days to Board Exam

This is an exam that I actually don't have much to lose.

It's a rare occasion, in the context of exams, that I know I'll have something to fall back on no matter I pass or not.

Yet I don't feel any better about it. Why is that?

Maybe I just hate exams. Oh yes I do!

I haven't been able to study at all. I just can't sit still.

On a much lighter note, it was Melbourne cup today. Makybe Diva won for 3 years in a row.

It was history in making. And I didn't go, by choice, because I thought I'd stay home and try to study. Wishful thinking.

I didn't get to wear pretty dresses and fancy hats. I didn't get to cheer my heart out. I didn't get to win money on that now-officially-retired horse. I didn't get to do nothing. Worst of all, I didn't get myself to study.

So, the whole day was completely wasted. It is actually something I'm rather good at, wasting time.

I told Bee and mum that I'm gonna chicken out on the way to the airport. I'm gonna bring my MAS airline ticket with me. It's an open ticket Melbourne to Kuala Lumpur, which comes in handy when I need to flee the country.

So instead of getting grilled and tortured and very possibly humiliated in a board room, I'll be chilling at a mamak store having mee maggie goreng next Tuesday.

Speaking of which, it sucks that I have to board on an airplane to sit for my stupid exam.

Oh, and I think I'll take next Wednesday off as well.

I was told that the Board won't release the results over the phone anymore this year. The only way to find out will be through notification emails they send out after the annual Board meeting. Maybe from past experiences they found it too difficult to handle when the candidates who failed broke down and cried on the phone? Oh well.

I used to think that it would be easier for me if I go to work so I can take my mind off this whole thing and Bee can give me a call when he checks my email for me.

I changed my mind.

I don't think I'll be able to handle disappointment very well at work should I fail. Gotta put up a brave smile and all.

It'll be better for me to just take a sleeping pill to knock myself out and face the dragon in the comfort of my own home whenever I'm ready.

I plan to stay up to TRY to study till 8am tomorrow morning. We'll see how well that turns out.

Wish me luck, fellas.

When You Have Cravings....

Don't fight it.

I started thinking about nachos and corn chips this morning. I was too lazy to get out of my drawstring pants and cotton tee, so I tried everything to shake off the craving.

I slept, I watched my favourite TV series, I slept again, I ate, then I slept again. And I still couldn't stop thinking about it.

I finally had to get changed and run down to the nearest 7-Eleven to get Doritos chips. But they didn't have the dips. :/

There was this Italian restaurant that I used to get the pasta and sauce in separate containers for my spaghetti Bolognese takeaway. The pasta was just a decoy, I wanted to eat my corn chips with their rich meaty sauce. I would love to order just the sauce, but they will think it's plain weird.

I don't do that anymore after I moved to Melbourne. Maybe I should.

Off to take my shower and then catch Australian Idol. Later, folks

P/s: Bee, I love you. Please don't make me to go study. *Puppy eyes*

Not Happy

Because....

1. Bee didn't reply my goodnight SMS last night. Until now!
2. Stupid stupid Board exam is making my life all gloomy.
3. Woke up feeling nauseous.
4. It's Derby day at Flemington racecourse and I'm stuck at home.
5. Can't seem to get anything into my head.
6. Don't feel like studying but I have to.
7. Don't Cry by Guns' N' Roses always comes up when I'm feeling most vulnerable and brings a bee-sting like feeling to my heart. (Not the same Bee.)
8. The person (or people) living upstairs has been making hell lotsa noises since early this morning, like there is a hyperactive obese kid jumping around and just won't stop!
9. Did I mention that Bee didn't reply my messages?
10. Evil Board exam.

I wanna roll on bed and wail until Bee comes to cheer me up with ice-cream and cookies.

Alvin and the Chipmunks

It's my favourite cartoon series, even to this day. I love love LOVE it!

I saw a DVD box set for sale on Ebay and got all excited. Emailed it to Bee immediately since he's much better with this Ebay thingy than I am. But he's not very comfortable with any second hand or used stuff, so that was end of the story.

He promised to look it up on the net for me tonight to see whether we can find brand new ones.

I couldn't wait for him so I did my own research. (Because he likes to take his own sweet time and I was born with no patience. :P Sorry, baby.)

Apparently the only DVD available is a box set of 4 movies and there's another special edition for Christmas.

Oh why don't they sell a compilation of the TV series? Those we used to watch religiously every evening. *Sobs sobs*

But Bee, we can get them on VHS though. *Hopeful eyes*

Not exactly what we wanted, but I weally weally want to watch those cute chipmunks again. Can we please get them, Bee? I promise to be a very very good girl for the rest of the year.

Pretty pretty please, with sugar on it? *Sweet angelic smile*

Alrighty, I'm off to study about respiratory diseases. See, being a good girl already! :D

Can a person get sick from eating too much ice-cream? What about if she is already sick?

You know what, don't answer that. :P

Introducing my favourite ice-cream. Get the cookies and cream flavour!

Bee, I promise to share it with you if you were here. That is how much I love you. Haha.

Happy Thoughts

Bee asked me to think happy thoughts whenever I'm stressed out. So here I am.

My Ten Happy Thoughts for Today (In no particular order)
1. My beautiful boy (But of course Bee is on top of the list.)
2. Shopping
3. Holidays
4. Mum's cooking
5. Long afternoon nap
6. Dessert
7. Pretty flowers
8. Bright sunny day
9. Beach
10. My smelly pillow that is small and brown

Actually, thinking about them just made me feel worse. Reality sucks!

On a lighter note, I invited Bee to be my co-blogger so he can tell the whole world what an incredible girlfriend I am. Lol.

I highly doubt that he's gonna blog though. That lazy bum. (Albeit a cute one.)

Now if you'd excuse me, I need to go drown myself in sorrow.

Questions I Ask Myself Too

Two weeks ago, I went out with Wen to look for a dress for a dinner she was invited to.

Going to Chadstone when you can't shop is like being a diabetic in Krispy Creme. It's all about self discipline, which I happen to have very little of. :|

Dinner was at Lygon Street. Somewhere between entrée and our pasta, we started talking about loneliness living in a big city. Like any girl who's been single for quite a while, she was worried that she will end up growing old all alone because the right guy just never seems to come along.

Then she asked me, across the table in that sweet little Italian restaurant, "Why would you leave a perfect boyfriend back home and choose to be here all by yourself? He could be the one having dinner with you right now, you know?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another weekend, I met up with Dorothy for a drink in China town. I was complaining about the Board exam and how much stress I'm under. And then I mentioned that I've been considering about going back to Malaysia for good next year.

Then she asked, "Why are you putting yourself through all these troubles since you might not even want to practise in Australia?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As you probably have already noticed, once again my plan to study had failed miserably. Oh I'm so hating this!

Why, indeed.

Study Progress

I took two weeks off from work to TRY to study.

So far, all attempts had failed. No progress what-so-ever.

Not working. Good.

Having to study for exam again. BAD!

Topic planned for today: Psychotropics drugs.

All those antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiolytics and what-have-you are driving me nuts. I might need some myself to get me through this ordeal. T_T

I want to be a little girl again. To wear pretty flowers on my head, and dance around in my cute dresses all day long.

Dream

There's nothing cuter than when your boyfriend wakes up next to you looking like a lost child, and tells you that he has just dreamt about you being taken away from him by a scary monster with pointy teeth and sharp claws. Especially when he doesn't even dream much.

Oh how I miss sleeping next to that adorable guy.











P/s: Bee, I think this is how our wedding photo album should look like. None of those tacky costumes and cheesy lines.

Yes, I'm spending way too much time surfing when I really should be studying. x_x

Word of the Day: Inept

My carelessness sometimes pisses myself off. Big time.

One thing you should know about me is, I’m a highly organised person. Well, for most things anyway. And I’m a total control freak.

I like to plan things down to the very minute details, make them work according to exactly how I’ve sketched out, and then tick them off from my to-do list. I like everything to be in order and done properly. I have a very low threshold for mistakes and stupidity.

Which is why sometimes I cannot understand how blur I myself can be sometimes.

Tonight, I finally got around to book the return flight for my Board Exam. I kept putting it off because I hate hate hate exams and booking the tickets will only mean that there’s one less excuse for me to chicken out last minute.

So finally, I reluctantly booked the tickets with two different airlines.

I had to pick the flights so I can fly to Apple Isle on the day itself, sit for the exam, and fly back to Melbourne the same evening.

When I received the itineraries in email, I realised that I've made a completely spastic mistake. I inverted the time of both flights!

I rubbed my eyes to make sure I didn't see it wrongly. How I could have made such a silly-in-a-not-even-funny-way mistake is beyond me.

The worst thing is, it wasn’t the first time of me pulling something like this. Booking the wrong flight for the wrong date and only realised it on the morning of my departure, missing flights because I remembered the time wrongly, turning up at the wrong airline counter, etcetera etcetera. You name it, I’ve done it. The airlines should have blacklisted me or something.

Just when I was about to call the airlines up and admit that I’ve been a totally brainless bimbo AGAIN, my phone rang.

I was confused for a while.

“Did the websites detect my extreme stupidity and are now coming after me?” I thought to myself.

Turned out it was my Bee. He just happened to call to check on me since I didn’t reply his SMS earlier in the afternoon.

The timing couldn’t have been better.

Though I was still in a state of shock for most of our conversation, the phone call put a much needed smile to my face. The sweet guy cheered me up and made everything seemed alright again. What am I gonna do without you huh? Thanks, sweetie! *Hugs*

I rang the airlines later on and paid a hefty sum of penalty charges to change my flights.

Stupidity comes with a price, which often involves my credit card. :/

Everything is okay now.

All I have to do on the actual day is to march into that board room and convince a panel of examiners that I'm a competent healthcare professional and they should trust me with the wellbeing of patients even when I can't book my own air tickets correctly. -_-''

This entry might not make much sense. I have difficulty following my own thoughts at the moment.

I hate exams and stress. I do.

I need to escape to a place far far away, where I can wake up to a field of daisies everyday.

Bling Blings

Bee and I started talking about engagement rings after I went to Tiffany with a colleague to resize hers.

Now my boyfriend is fully aware that it's gonna be extremely difficult to pick a ring for me. Being the frigid bitch that I am, I can be very particular with details of certain things. I often have in mind an image of the exact thing I'm looking for and refuse to budge an inch.

In my defence, allow me to quote what Carrie Bradshaw said in episode 61 of Sex and the City, "But this is my engagement ring!".

It's the ring that every girl has been dreaming about since we were little. It's the ring that promises eternity and undying love. It could very well be the most important ring (along with wedding band) in a person's life. It is understandable that one has expectations, yes?

Our discussion might have put a great deal of pressure on Bee (should he ever choose to propose, of course.). Especially since I told him I once had a bad dream about receiving a bad engagement ring from him. Ha!

So, I've decided to help that clueless guy out a little. (But Bee, I'll literally hunt you down and kill you if you ended up buying my dream ring for another girl. Seriously. :|)

I've always imagined that my engagement ring will be an asscher cut diamond with a length-to-width ratio between 1.00 and 1.05, set on a four-prong solitaire platinum setting. It might seem boring to some, but the simple traditional single stone setting has an elegant and timeless charm which will never go out of style.

Actually, Bee was right on the money when he said that he should probably refer to the ring Aidan gave Carrie in SATC. Oh you sure do know me well, buddy! :P

A picture says a thousand words, they say. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the picture of the exact ring I have in mind.

Imagination can be over-perfected and unrealistic, I know. But baby, you're the dream that came true when I never thought it would, and I don't need a ring to love you more.

(I typed a really long entry and decided to erase the rest. Let this be a totally bimbotic post. We shall leave the emo stuff till another day. Cheerios!)

An asscher cut.

Another asscher cut.

Blings blings.

Oh such beautiful rings.

Disclaimer: This is not a post to pressure Bee to propose nor one to hint that he should. Just so he knows. :D

What Do Monkeys Wear to Sleep?

Bee loves to see me in my Paul Frank pyjamas. It's his next favourite thing after lingerie.

He'd even let me go out with him to buy supper wearing my flannel pyjamas. I doubt the same applies to lingerie though. Ha!

The soft and cuddly monkey sleepwear.

Don't you just love those green and pink flip flops?

The oh-so-cute rain boots.

Barbie in Paul Frank pj's.

Weather Outlook

"What's new?
How's the weather?
Is it stormy where you are?"
~ Billie Myers (Kiss the Rain)

Thu, Oct 20 - Showers. Min: 14°C. Max: 23°C.

Fri, Oct 21 - Possible thunderstorm. Min: 14°C. Max: 22°C.

Sat, Oct 22 - Possible thunderstorm. Min: 13°C. Max: 21°C.

Sun, Oct 23 - Late thunder. Min: 12°C. Max: 20°C.

This can't be good.

Exams and Cocktails

I received the official notification of my Board exam date in mail today.

It’s on a Tuesday, 8 November 2005.

About forty of us will sit for our 2-hour oral exam at different time slots over 3 days, 6-8 November.

The annual Board meeting will then be held on 9 November, which is when all the important people gather round to decide our fate. We will be informed of the results later on the same day.

I requested for my exam to be scheduled on the Tuesday, for the simple reason that I hate the suspense of not knowing and waiting for the outcome.

The plan is to sit for the exam, take a Stilnox, and wake up to face the music the next day.

A cocktail reception will be held on the night of 9 November to celebrate our registration (or not). We’re invited to bring two guests.

I have the cocktail dress and all, I just don’t have a Bee to bring with me. Like what I’ve told him on the phone earlier on, a cute boyfriend is the best accessory a girl can have. Ha!

I don’t think I’ll be attending the cocktail party. I’m thinking of flying to Apple Isle early in the morning, sit the exam, and leave in the evening.

It’s too depressing if I were to stay back after the exam, only to find out the next day that I had failed and had no party to go to.

But then again, the party does sound pretty tempting if we were to all pass the exam and have our heads swelled to twice their original sizes. After years of studying and cramming for exams, we certainly do deserve a soirée thrown in our honour.

And just think of all the free-flowing drinks. *Winks*

“This prestigious event will be attended by representatives from the profession including wholesalers, government, professional organisations, and university who wish to acknowledge and congratulate you on your achievement to date.”

Said the invitation letter.

I need to book my ticket tomorrow.

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

Tequila Sunrise

Sex on the Beach

Midori Lemonade

Gin and Tonic

Frozen Midori Margarita

Cosmopolitan

Caipirinha

Aqua Thunder