Friday, October 02, 2009


I had a rather unsettling day yesterday.

Which, of course, started with a bad night's sleep the night before.

My insomnia is slowly draining away the last bit of sanity left in me, I'm telling ya.

And it's really NOT a good feeling to wake up, after a fitful night of unrest, to seeing some people you would rather not have anything to do with in your apartment.

Yes, the super irritating couple has returned, and they're already getting on my nerves with their sheer presence. :|

I was, this close, to pulling my hair out upon hearing the sound of them walking through the door.


Then I had a less-than-satisfying 26th lesson for my Secret Project Australia.

My instructor is weaning me off following instructions from him, which I'm having problems adjusting myself to.

As much as I hated his constant nagging in that very insulting and demeaning tone of his, it actually made me felt safe knowing that he was always going to point out my mistakes and correct what I wasn't doing right.

But he is claiming that I'm becoming too reliant on only doing what he tells me to and it isn't healthy for my learning process.

Therefore, he has decided to continue with his sarcastic and insulting remarks *rolls eyes*, but discontinue giving me specific instructions as of what to do, how to do it, and when to do it.

So I'm now expected to be completely independent in making decisions and executing my own judgement, which has left me feeling confused and terrified most of the time.

As a result, I'm making more mistakes while panicking over having to solely rely on my judgement, which I have none, and hence giving him more opportunities to pick on me with his snarky comments.

Very effective for my learning, I'm sure. :/

Once again, I feel lost.

Once again, I'm starting to believe that this might just be the one thing, among many other things, that I might never be able to do no matter how hard I try.

*Deep sighs*

I went to see my new accountant in the afternoon, despite having a sty in my eye, and had more bad news thrown my way.

Can you believe that even though I didn't work for a single day, and hence have had no income what-so-ever, in the last financial year, I still have to pay tax?

Just because I have savings that is earning me a healthy sum of bank interest?!

This is crazy! And absolutely ridiculous!

I'm being punished because I decided to put some money in the bank instead of spending it all, which I might as well have.

It's daylight robbery!!

You hear me, ATO?! It's DAYLIGHT ROBBERY!!!

I'm not even gonna share the other bad news with y'all because it's too depressing just thinking about it.

*Deep deep sighs*

I was starving by the time I got home.

The only things I had eaten all day were a bowl of cereal, a hot chocolate, and a brownie.

A friend took me out to dinner at a quaint little cafe restaurant in North Melbourne, and while I was happily sipping on my pre-dinner drinks, he casually announced that he and his wife are separating.


They've been together forever but were only married 2 years ago, and their little baby boy has just turned one last month.

I knew that they've been having problems for a while now, differences in priorities and all that, but I just never thought it would come to this.

The thing is, he was so calm and unaffected, as if he was telling someone else's story. As if, he didn't even care.

It was just so disturbing and saddening to hear that love actually ends. So easily.

Luckily the food was good. I think I enjoyed my lightly seasoned crispy skin hapuka so much that I actually got distracted from analysing it further more. Oh gluttony is my middle name! :p

I was trying my best to not judge another person's decisions or relationships with my standards and values, but halfway through dessert, I heard myself asking him, "Are you, honestly, telling me that you're not sad about it at all?"

He shook his head.

He wasn't. Not the least bit.

Instead of his guilt or effort to try to make the marriage work, she is gonna get a place of her choice in Singapore, a maid, a generous allowance every month, and never having to work a single day for the rest of her life.

So he thinks he's done all he could to make her happy.

"What about love?" I asked.

"What about love? What is love?" He asked me back.

I sat there, with my pot of white peony tea and a half-eaten chocolate brownie, struggling to make sense of it all.

Did he love her? If he didn't, why did he even marry her? If he did, how can love just stop?

But of course, I didn't ask any of those questions.

I couldn't wait for the day to end as I crawled into bed last night. I didn't want to think about any of the things that has happened and I just wanted to go to sleep.

As usual, Bee was there to save the day.

I felt a little better after 2 hours of his patient coaxing and gentle encouragement. Thanks, hunni, you're my rock!

I slept a little better last night too.

Not without the help of Stilnox and a muscle relaxant though.

It's yet another dreary and overcast day in Melbourne today.

I'm trying my best to stay positive and hopeful.

But I'm just a little, unsettled.