Monday, October 26, 2009


Today I had my first episode of mondayitis in a long time.

It's no wonder that they say the better the weekend, the tougher the Monday.

Or maybe it was because I had a particular meeting scheduled in the afternoon, and I wasn't exactly looking forward to it.

Though the meeting turned out to be much better and easier than I had expected, I have my reservation.

I can't quite put a finger to how I feel about it yet, I just hate having to make decisions again.

I'm very much a creature of habits, I guess. I don't like changes.

But yet, changes managed to track me down each and every time.

Despite my initial resistance, the truth is, I've gotten rather comfortable with certain lifestyle choices I've made.

It wasn't without struggle though. God knows how many sleepless nights I spent lying in bed awake, contemplating about the choices we make in life and the consequences.

And just when I've slowly figured out how to deal with things and learned to be happy again, I was made an offer that seemed silly for me to reject.

My first instinct was to say no, but I started second guessing myself.

Do I really not want to? Or am I only hesitating because of my build-in reluctance for changes?

After all, it might seem really ungrateful and unappreciative for me to simply turn it down without even considering since most people would probably snap up the offer in a heart beat.

Whilst there are some who are struggling and could only dream of such offer, do I really want to be the spoilt bitch who throw out an opportunity that came knocking on the door by itself without me even asking for it?

I don't know. I hate having to choose.

Then again, maybe we should be grateful that we have choices.

But do I really have to?

I don't know. I'm lost.

"One of my biggest fears in life is uncertainty. Yet I constantly pluck myself outta my comfort zones and into the unknowns."

I remember writing those sentences in one of my posts about comfort zone.

Nearly a year later, I still don't know why do I always do this to myself.

But I just keep on doing it, don't I?