Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Silent Stress

I've been having a very bad case of indigestion and heartburn for a few days now.

It feels like there is constantly something stuck at the back of my throat, and it's extremely uncomfortable.

I haven't changed my eating habits lately, nor have I eaten anything out of ordinary.

It's most likely stress related.

Whenever I tell people that, the reaction I get is always, "Stress? But you're not even working!"

Well, maybe that stresses me out?

I guess I'm not adjusting so well, switching from one extreme to another. A few months ago, I was working 7 days a week; and now, I'm sitting at home doing nothing everyday.

Maybe it's the workaholic in me. Not doing anything stresses me out, and makes me feel like I'm not in control of my life.

Deep down inside, some burning questions have been quietly brewing all these while. So quiet that nobody noticed, including myself, until they started causing a heartburn.

When am I going back to Melbourne? How long am I going back for? What are my plans for my career? Do I just keep switching between working in Melbourne and being with Bee in KL? Am I ever gonna come back to Malaysia and work for government hospitals?

When do we plan to have the actual wedding ceremony? Have we scheduled the pre-wedding photo shoots/banquets/honeymoon? When are we gonna start renovating the house? What are our plans for the future? Do we plan to settle down in Australia or Malaysia?

I don't have the answers.

And that's my I'm resorting to medications for my heartburn, instead of solving the cause.

For now, anyway.