Snappish

I love long weekends.

But I also seriously hate going back to work at my current workplace after a long weekend.

Everything is always in a mess, and nothing ever gets done!

I don't mind the extra workload, I just hate how unorganised and irresponsible people are to assume that it's another person's job to clean up after them.

How hard is it for you to clean up after yourself like an adult and finish what you started so others don't have to do it for you?

Or how hard is it for you to document things properly or leave a note for others to follow up so they don't get constantly get caught up in unexpected situations like an idiot with their mouth wide open? For goodness' sakes!

It really didn't help that we were flat out busy today and people are so grumpy when they are sick.

I mean, we all get impatient and frustrated when we are unwell, but is it so difficult for you to wait for your turn instead of trying to push in front of everyone else and create more problems?

It's not always about you, you know?

Is it so hard to understand the concept that the world will be a much happier and nicer place to live in when everyone follows the rules instead of making everything revolves around you?

And if you think that you have the right to be cranky for waiting 2 seconds, imagine spending the whole day listening to a whole crazy bunch of cranky idiots whining about every single little thing that is wrong in their lives?

Yes, buddy, if you think you are angry, think again! The real people who need anger management are the guys in white coats who have to put up with your shit and are required to pretend that we actually care!

Anyway.

So after a long busy day of trying to juggle between annoying patients and even more annoying colleagues, I guess it's fair to say that I have a pretty bad day at work.

(Then again, a bad day is, like, a normal day at my current workplace.)

The worst part is, tomorrow is going to be worse!

It's our busiest time of the year, and it would really help if people are a bit more helpful and understanding.

Or for that matter, if your colleagues are more efficient, actually do their jobs and do not make your job more difficult than it already is.

My only consolation is that tomorrow is my last day at work for the year before yet another long weekend, so I guess I'll suck it up and cope with it.

Here's hoping that I won't lose it and snap at someone tomorrow.

'Cause I sure feel like it!

Dolce Far Niente

The sweetness of doing nothing.

When I first heard of the phrase in Eat Pray Love, I felt like it spoke right to my heart.

And I started secretly wishing that all my friends and coworkers are true blue Italians.

Then maybe I wouldn't be made to feel bad for the disappointing looks on their faces whenever I answer the following questions:

"What did you do over the weekend?"

"What are your plans for *insert occasions*?"

"What did you do on your holidays?"

"What do you do when you are not working?"

"What are you guys doing for *inserts occasions*?"

Because my answer is always, "Nothing at all!"

I feel like I constantly have to explain myself for not having a busier social calender.

Instead of nothing, I'm supposed to be doing something. But, why?

I'm not really in the mood of partying, lunching, throwing dinner parties, or attending cocktail functions just to mingle with a bunch of acquaintances and strangers. Been there, done that, and now I'm just really over it. So should I do it just for the sake of doing it?

Doesn't anyone else appreciate the joy of doing nothing at all?

Really, no one?

As some of you might know, I've been contemplating on quitting my job for quite a while now.

Not really to switch to another job, but just to stop working for a while.

A year, maybe. A little longer, perhaps.

(Well, it's not like I haven't taken such long breaks from work before.)

And whenever I mention this, I face the inevitable question, "So what do you plan on doing?"

Um, nothing?

And would that really be so wrong?

Anyway. Moving on.

It's Boxing Day replacement holiday today.

Until I gather enough courage to face up to people's disapproval and disappointment, or move to Italy altogether, I guess it's back to work for me tomorrow.

But for now, I'm gonna go take a siesta with my husband in the family room with a lush garden and warm afternoon sunlight right outside the windows.

Dolce far niente!

Unwind

It's Christmas Day replacement holiday today.

As per my request, Bee and I stayed in for the whole day to unwind.

And did my favourite thing to do - absolutely nothing!

Though instead of couping up in the bedroom, I stayed in the lounge with him all day.

Overfed ourselves with leftover Christmas ham and turkey as lunch. The nutty stuffing of the turkey is so yummy that it almost inspired me to cook my own next year!

Almost, I said.

If we were to entertain and have people over for Christmas lunch next year, I'll most likely require catering service. Haha.

Watched a few movies in the afternoon.

We finally watched The American. It's not at all what we had expected, but it's beautifully shot. The storyline is quite a cliché, but I appreciate George Clooney's unusually subdued and restrained performance. It's, all in all, very European and so very non-Hollywood.

On a different note, I think I'm slowly beginning to appreciate Bee's Klipsch speakers. I used to complain about how much they cost when we could have easily gotten a complete set of Japanese home theater system for half the price, but now I'm starting to see his point of view.

His request to upgrade them was knocked back immediately though. Tsk tsk tsk. Greed is such a dangerous thing, isn't it? He just got those speakers less than 6 months ago.

Contemplated on whether or not to do a little gardening in the evening, but eventually decided against it. Maybe tomorrow.

*Yawns*

I think I might go lie down and enjoy the afternoon sun in the backyard.

Oh don't you love holidays.

Boxing Day

I didn't plan on going shopping today.

Boxing Day sales is so overrated these days since the stores are constantly having sales all year round and more often than not, with even greater discount.

It was also partly due to the fact that I've been feeling defeated and disgusted with myself ever since I couldn't pull up the Guess skinny jeans in size 24 past my thighs.

Mainly, I was just lazy and couldn't be bothered.

But Bee dragged me out of bed at 10am because he thinks we seriously need a new set of sofa. I refused at first, but relented later because of his enthusiasm.

We wanted to steer clear of the CBD and shopping centers to avoid the massive crowd, so we headed to an interior shop in Richmond that stocks the range of sofa we are after. Unfortunately we did not see anything we like in the shop and they can't check the stock status till their factory re-opens in January.

I'm still not sure how to justify spending nearly $10k on a 2.5 seater plus a chaise, but I guess we'll see.

We did, however, come across the most expensive sofa bed in Australia, or so the sales assistant claimed, and it was on sale! Too bad it wasn't in a material that I would fancy. I was tempted for a few minutes whether or not to get it just for the massive discount though.

Went to look at a few cheaper alternatives, but nothing really caught our eyes and I was beginning to feel cranky again, so I demanded to go home when it started to rain.

I've seriously gotta find a way to fix my constant lethargy soon. There has to be an explanation for this! I'm starting to believe that I might have chronic fatigue syndrome. :|

Truthfully, I'm more inclined to believe that these symptoms are due to a relapse of my depression, though I refuse to accept the fact that I have the capability to be depressed even when I have nothing to be depressed about! I simply will NOT! *Sighs*

Maybe it's easier to believe that I'm just a grumpy slacker and procrastinator in nature. *Shrugs*

I took a nap when we got home, had something to eat, and felt slightly better after.

In the evening, Bee's uncle sent over a large portion of leftover ham and turkey, which left us feeling a tremendous amount of guilt for lying to get out of Christmas lunch. Good thing it only lasted long enough till we tasted how delicious the food was. :p

I hope you scored a good bargain today. I've enjoyed (and envious) reading about everyone else's haul.

If not, it's never too late to start. Saks Fifth Avenue and Net-A-Porter are both having their online end-of-season sales. If you do not feel the need to refrain to save up for overpriced furnitures, that is.

Happy shopping, girls!

Christmas

Bee and I had a quiet Christmas this year.

It was our first Christmas in our new house, but we decided to keep it really simple and low-key.

No celebration what-so-ever.

We still don't have most of our new furnitures yet, so we didn't really bother putting up any Christmas decorations as well.

No turkey or ham, no pudding or eggnog, no Christmas lights or candles, no mistletoe or ornaments, just us.

And we wouldn't want to have it any other way. For this year

We got up really late on Christmas morning and had a quick simple breakfast. Him with his cold milk and cereals, me with my hot tea and fruit cake slices.

In the afternoon, my husband fell asleep in the lounge while watching anime on his 58-inch 3D full HD TV while I took a beauty nap in the room on my lavender scented bed sheets.

At night, I used our kitchen for the first time since we moved in nearly 5 months ago to cook my secret recipe congee for dinner. It made my husband a very happy camper, we have been living on takeouts and eating out all these while.

Santa didn't bring us any gifts this year because we didn't bother putting up a Christmas tree or even Christmas stockings, but that's okay, we haven't exactly been on our best behaviours this year either. :p

Here's hoping that, next time this year, our home will be more festive with Christmas spirits once the house is properly done up and fully furnished.

And I'll be sure to leave out a treat for the red suited man himself. Milk and cookies are his favourite, I heard? What about some macarons? You think? :)

Well, till then, here's wishing you and your loved ones a very happy holiday season.

Merry Christmas, darlings.

Christmas Eve

I overslept last night and missed out on the 24-hour trading at Chaddy.

Actually, I woke up at 2am, contemplated for half an hour on whether or not to get changed and head out, but decided to go back to bed in the end.

There wasn't really anything in particular that we needed to buy, we just wanted to join the Christmas shopping crowd and soak up the lively atmosphere.

There is something exciting that Bee and I love about late night shopping. Maybe it's just cool to have so many people out and about at wee hours in the night, kinda reminds us of when we were kids and the only time we were allowed to stay up late was on the eve of a holiday. It's so, festive!

But it was too cold for a summer night and I was tired from a long day of work, so I opted to stay in my warm bed instead.

12 hours later, we went to Chaddy at 2pm.

We headed to Lindt first to pick up the macarons (or "Delices", as Lindt call them) we were getting Bee's aunty for Christmas, but there were only caramel ones left and their afternoon delivery was running late.

While waiting for the nice assistant from Lindt to call me to notify me about their new batch of macarons, Bee and I went to have lunch at Laurent and I made the mistake of ordering their macarons for dessert.

I've always loved Laurent, but their macarons is a disgrace! The shells are flat and chewy, and the ganache is too "buttery". Hmm, any chance of us ever getting Ladurée macarons here in Melbourne?

After lunch, we swung by David Jones to pick up the Royal Doulton wine glasses for Bee's uncle, and on the way, a set of Laura Ashley bedsheets for our future king size bed.

Bee was in a jolly good mood to shop, but I was getting cranky after a mere hour. I was pulling a long sour face as Bee made a quick trip to the supermarket for groceries. It's becoming a serious problem that I get tired and agitated so easily these days!

Anyway, we should have a full day to rest at home tomorrow since we told a white lie about us going away for a road trip in order to get out of Christmas lunch with Bee's uncle's family. It would be nice to catch up with everyone for the holiday, but I'm just not in the mood to socialise.

(Bad, I know.)

It's so hard to lie though! Bee delivered the presents to his uncle's house in the evening and we had to rehearse the details so many times beforehand. It takes so many other little lies to cover up an original lie, it's exhausting! How do some people do it on a daily basis?

(Again, bad, I know.)

So tonight, as everyone else is out partying, I'll probably be in bed by 9pm. Is it weird that I couldn't be happier?

I really am officially old now, ain't I? :|

Well, to the rest of you youngsters out there, party hard and party safe, have fun but do it responsibly.

For those of you who are like me, sleep tight.

It is, indeed, a silent night.

Holidays

My 5-days Christmas long weekend starts tonight!

I'm so excited that it made work almost bearable today.

Speaking of work, a few of us received Myer gift cards from the boss today, which we were shocked to the core! Mind you, this is the man who has been (and still is) trying to get away with not paying our superannuation at all.

(Yes, health professionals are essentially just dodgy businessmen packaged slightly differently in white coats. :|)

Oh well, whatever. I'm just glad that I don't have to go back to work for the next 5 days. Woot!

I haven't exactly been feeling very Christmassy this year because of work and all, but I'm hoping to change that in the next few days.

After all, tis' the season to be jolly, no? :)

Planning on going to Chaddy's 24-hour Christmas trading with Bee tonight if I can be bothered. Bee could get his fix of beef rendang from the Malaysian food stall near Hoyts and I can stock up some bath products from Lush. Also, Guess has started their 50% discount sale today, on all transactions!

But for now, I have a date to keep with my bed and pillows. Gonna take a nap after dinner to rejuvenate my poor tired soul before I'm able to make room for fun.

Later, peeps.

Twist

This whole drama with the dodgy tradie took an unexpected twist today.

While I was at work this morning, Bee called me to tell me that he decided to confront the tradie.

I tried talking him out of it, but he was adamant.

I think my usually laid-back husband was really ticked off this time since the tradie took it one step too far. Not only did he inflate the price ridiculously, he also did a shitty job which we now possibly have to get J* to re-do it again if we want to restore the ceiling to its original state.

I understand that Bee has every reason to be angry. I mean, no one likes to be ripped off and treated like a fool, I get that.

I, myself, am not pleased with the whole situation too, but I also just really want to be done with it, put the whole thing behind us, and move on.

Just like what Carrie said to Miranda in Season 5 Episode 3 - Luck Be An Old Lady - "I'm begging you, throw some money at the problem, and let's hit the road!"

But for my husband, it was a matter of principles.

On that note, and knowing how stubborn he can get sometimes, I decided to step down, let him take charge and do whatever he had to do.

He called me back in the afternoon, and said "It's done. I took care of it."

"You took care of it, how?" I asked.

"I made him refund us $1000." He said.

"HUH? HOW?" I seriously thought I heard it wrongly.

Like, how do you take back a piece of meat that has already been thrown to the hyenas?

Long story cut short, the usually mild-mannered Bee went ballistic in an enraged state and had a very heated argument with the tradie. There was a shouting match, exchange of words, and the tradie finally caved when the lawyer got involved.

I still have difficulty believing that Bee went through with it and it actually happened, even after he came to pick me up with a smirk on his face and a thousand dollars in his wallet.

For now, I can only keep my fingers crossed and hope that this is the end of this whole saga and no more drama follows.

To be honest, I actually feel really bad for the tradie. I know I shouldn't, since he's obviously the one in the wrong, but I couldn't help but feel that tinge of guilt in my heart.

And as his adrenaline wears off, Bee is also starting to doubt if he's gone too far. But he tries to shake it off by saying, "Why should we have empathy towards someone who clearly doesn't have it for us? Why should we feel bad when he certainly didn't when he blatantly ripped us off?"

Well, sweetie, it's because we have conscience.

It doesn't matter if others do not have it. Problem is, we do.

Which I guess will always makes us the weak links in this dog-eat-dog world. Call me stupid if you must, but I'd rather play for this team than the other. Any day.

Alrighty, enough about that. Let's move on to something less depressing and more festive.

It's only three more sleeps till Christmas! I hope you have put up the Christmas stocking and taken out your party shoes.

Get ready to kick up your heels this holiday season, girls! :)

Tuesday

The French tradesman, J*, dropped by to look at the leaks today.

He was supposed to come in the afternoon but ended up coming really late in the evening because he was stuck in another job, so Bee and I had to postpone dinner while I was starving!

Tradesmen are almost never on time, are they?

In fact, no one is ever on time anymore. It is kinda annoying, don't you think?

Anyway, he checked out the roof and reassured us that it's nothing to worry about. There are only minor cracks on a few of the roof tiles, but no major leaks and no damage to the structure.

According to J*, it's a common problem most Australian houses (and their roof tiles) are getting lately due to the heavy rain and strong wind, it could be easily fixed and we have nothing to worry about. In fact, most people won't even realise it with their houses.

In other words, chill out, dudes! I hope Bee and I didn't come across as an over-dramatic and over-paranoid couple. Haha.

He quoted us a very reasonable price for the job, but he is fully booked for the month, and won't be able to do it till after the holidays. We are not really fussed about it, as long as there's no serious problem and the job gets done.

Well, here's hoping. *Fingers crossed*

Bee also showed him what the other tradie had done with the ceiling and all. He shook his head and commented that it was a very poorly done job, even if it's for half of the price we paid. Which pretty much confirmed our suspicion that the other tradie is an untrustworthy greedy little person.

I mean, we already knew that he was over-charging us, but what made us (read: Bee) furious is that not only we were ripped off, we received a half-ass job too! How shitty is that?!

You really can't trust anyone these days, can you? Are there no decent honest people out there anymore? Geez!

Or are we just too gullible? *Sighs*

But for now, I've decided to shut that out so it doesn't bother me too much. Especially after a long day of dealing with annoying human beings at work.

Guess I'll go lie down and probably doze off while my husband is fetching me dinner.

Over and out.

Rainy

Over the weekend, we received some heavy rain here in Melbourne.

Especially the storm last night.

And my slightly-paranoid husband seemed to have found more leaks on our roof. Last night, as he was prancing in the family room, he noticed a wet patch in a corner, about the size of a 50cent coin on the carpet.

But of course, he withheld this information from his slightly-neurotic wife so she wouldn't obsess and lose sleep over it.

Today, he called the tradesman and asked him to come over while I was at work.

The tradie had another look on the roof. Apparently, there are a few cracks on some of the roof tiles, probably results of the heavy rain and strong wind.

He can't be sure whether the cracks are new or old or how long they've been there, but he quoted us another ridiculous amount to fix the problem, which Bee rejected. We have a feeling that this guy is just getting too comfortable of taking us for a ride in his price hiking trip, and we're done being suckers!

So Bee called a French tradesman who his uncle often uses, and made an appointment for him to come over tomorrow. Here is hoping that this guy has more reasonable pricing and doesn't just see us as a target to rip off because we looked young and inexperienced.

I know it's good for the drought and all, but the amount of rain we have been getting this summer has really been quite troublesome. A few other friends are having similar problems with their properties, and tradesmen are more fully booked than Michelin Star restaurants these days!

I love rain, but not when it's causing my roof to leak and draining money out from my (read: Bee's) bank account.

It really gives a whole new meaning to the saying "saving for rainy days" huh?

Memory

Over the past few weeks, I've been trying really hard and making a point to blog on a daily basis.

But of course, failed miserably.

(As if it isn't obvious.)

Why the sudden motivation, you asked?

Well, I was browsing through my blog archives the other day, and all of a sudden, I realised that I don't even remember some of the things that I blogged about.

Granted, they are not always interesting. As you know, I mostly blog about mundane things that happen in my small little life.

Bee once asked me, "Why do you always blog about us not doing anything?"

I rolled my eyes and said, "Because, sweetie, when we are actually doing something, I wouldn't have the time and energy to blog, would I?"

So yes, they are all just simple ordinary things that happen in your everyday life. Mostly, my random ramblings and rants.

But, correct me if I'm wrong, these little things are essentially, the essence of one's life.

And there is much to be said about documenting these little things. If not for anything, then at least, to bring a knowing smile to your face when you read about it later on in your life. I guess that explains why people have been keeping diaries since ancient times.

I'm never good at keeping a diary. Or a blog, for that matter.

Because I always thought I will remember.

I've always believed that I will remember.

I mean, how could I not? This is my life we are talking about.

But I don't.

I couldn't even recall some of the points I jotted down as drafts with the intention to write a complete entry later on.

It is as if someone has hacked into my brain, deleted some of the files and emptied the recycle bin.

If I had not written about it, it would have been as if they never happened at all.

It shocked me stone cold.

Maybe it's a sign of aging. I'm starting to realise how unreliable our memory is.

And it scares me.

Friday

My rostered day off.

Bee and I had planned to sleep in today, but the tradie called at 9.30am to say that he's coming over to get some work done, so Bee had to get up early to let him in.

I didn't want to be seen in my pyjamas and was too lazy to change out of it, so I stayed in the room and eventually decided to go back to sleep.

Only woke up around 3.30pm when the tradie had left for the day and remembered that I needed to go to the bank to deposit the cheque from my tax return.

Rushed out with Bee to go to the bank before it closed and ran a few quick errands at the local mall. Grabbed lunch on the way back, and I even managed to do some quick shopping in under 5 minutes! Talk about efficiency. Haha.

Was contemplating on doing some gardening in the evening, but Bee dozed off while waiting for me to make up my mind. Oh well, self-resolved dilemma! :p

I guess that means we're gonna have a really late dinner and disrupted sleep pattern again.

On a different note, is anyone else (other than me) glad about the cold change here in Melbourne? It looks like we are having a few cooler days ahead, and boy am I psyched about it!

My tropical-weather-loving husband isn't too thrilled about the drop in temperature though. He's already talking about breaking out the new heater we bought but haven't had a chance to use.

Anyhoo, the weekend is here and I hope everyone is as excited as me.

TGIF!

Patience

My second day back to work.

And a flat out busy one too.

I was on my feet for 10 hours straight, and literally, did not have a free moment for a break.

Weird thing is, despite how busy I was, time still went by really really slowly! Maybe my body is still adjusting to having to work, instead of just lying around being a lazy bum all day.

The weather today didn't really help as well. It was so hot and humid that for a moment, I thought I was back in Malaysia again. :|

By the time I finished for the day, I was absolutely exhausted, but in great spirit nonetheless, because my weekend starts on Thursday night!

I guess that's the only good thing about my current job - I'm usually only rostered to work 4 days a week and alternate Sundays, so I have a long weekend every other week. And I can choose to give away my Sunday shifts anytime I want. For a full time position, it really doesn't get any better than that.

I'm getting increasingly lazy these days that I seriously don't think I can ever go back to working 7 days a week like how I used to. Then again, never say never huh?

On a different note, the tradie has patched up both the leaks in our roof today. Well, so he claimed.

Now, we have to wait a couple of days for the moisture absorbed by the plasterboards to dry up more before he can assess the level of damage caused to the ceiling and determine how many of the plasterboard needs to be replaced.

For the time being, he's cleaning up our gutters. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he would do a proper job, and hopefully, clean the downspouts too.

Knowing how he likes to cut corners, we are not getting our hopes up about him being bothered to cut back any overhanging tree branches to reduce the need of future gutter cleaning or cleaning the debris from the roof. According to him, our roof looks like it was thoroughly cleaned just a few months ago, most probably by the previous owner prior to selling, so I guess it's not crucial at the moment. *Touches wood*

He's charging us an extra $300 for cleaning the gutters and another $350 for installing the gutter guard, which is ridiculous because we know of companies that would charge much less than that for a far more extensive job, but we really can't be fussed with sourcing another person to do the job.

Owning your own house is undeniably a great joy, but at the same time, there is also so much to do and so much to learn. Then again, I guess that's all part and parcel of adulthood huh?

Planned on going out for dinner with Bee to "celebrate" my first week (the whole 2 days of it) back to work, but decided to get takeaways instead because I couldn't be bothered to dress up. And my feet are hurting from a long day of work, I don't think they will be happy to be stuffed into a pair of stilettos anytime soon.

Though physically I don't feel the slightest bit more rested or more energetic after 5 weeks of bumming around and not lifting a finger, but today I did notice the difference the much-needed holiday made to my emotional resilience.

I'm so much less cranky, and more patient towards the patients. (Yes, pun intended.)

It would be interesting to see how long the effect would last huh? In my experience, not for long. Afterall, patience is not a virtue I have been blessed with.

Anyway, time to pour myself a glass of wine, change into my pjs, and enjoy the beginning of my long weekend.

Toodles.

Work

My first day back to work.

And I'm already hating it. *Sighs*

Thanks to the heavy rain and gloomy weather, we weren't that busy today, which helped a little in easing me back to the routine.

Then again, I had so much mess to clean up that I didn't even have a free moment to stop and talk or catch up with the staff. Yeap that is how busy I was!

My very unorganised boss (who's been doing most of my shifts himself) and the occasional locums left behind such a mess that I feel like I'm being punished for taking time off. Seriously, what's the point of having a holiday when all your workload is just going to accumulate till you're back?!

For the 5 weeks I was gone, work has been piling up, nothing has been documented properly, no paperwork has been filed accordingly, there is shit lying everywhere so I have to play guessing game while trying to sort them out, some patients got really upset with the staff and now I have to put up with their complaints.

Why can't people just do their job properly and orderly to make other people's lives easier? Why can't people be efficient and effective so others don't have to constantly clean up after you? We all get paid to do our jobs, no?! Ugh!

Anyhoo. *Takes deep breaths*

The tradesman started the job on our roof today as well. And apparently, he found TWO small leaks, instead of just the one that we already knew of.

(The good news just keep on coming huh?)

So he did some work to patch up the original leak we found yesterday, and put a temporarily fix on the newfound leak point for now, till he can go buy more materials to patch it up properly.

According to him, he suspects it's an existing problem even before we took over the house, which the building surveyor/consultant should have spotted during the pre-purchase building inspection and warned us about it.

Well, he didn't.

And just our luck, I guess. *Shrugs*

(The real reason why Bee and I always have such bad luck when it comes to things like these is honestly beyond me.)

To think on the brighter side, maybe we should be glad that at least we caught on the problems before it's too late and repair work can still be done to restore both the roof and ceiling back to their original condition.

Well, here is hoping. :|

For now, I'm absolutely exhausted from my first day back to work and I think I should call it a night.

So goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite! :)

Hole

Yesterday afternoon, a huge stack of mail was delivered to our mailbox, forwarded by the mail holding service of Australia Post.

All our mail from the past 5 weeks - bills, letters, magazine subscriptions, notice for uncollected parcels, and more bills. :|

The silver lining was a letter from my accountant, containing a cheque of 4 figures from my most recent tax return.

*Does a little victory dance*

You gotta understand. This is the first time in YEARS that I actually received a refund from my tax return (and it was only because I didn't work full 12 months for the last financial year), usually the bloodsucking ATO makes me fork out more money from my very own pocket. Damn you, ATO! You make me wanna quit my job and be an unemployed bum at home just so you will stop taking my hard earned money away from me!

Now I know you finance-savvy people will start telling me it all works out to be the same, the tax brackets blah blah blah, and how paying less tax only means you are earning less too.

BUT. I. DON'T. CARE.

I like getting a cheque in the mail, instead of notice of payment. Bite me. :D

I was already working out in my head what to get myself with this extra sum of money, and I had my heart set on something glossy with interlocking CC. *Winks*

I even went to bed last night and had a little nice dream about patent leather and gold hardware. Ahh the black shiny box with white ribbons!

Until I woke up this morning.

Today, we found out that there might be a small leak in the roof, which is causing some water damage to part of the ceiling in the en-suite bathroom attached to our master bedroom. We suspect that it's been there for quite a while without us realising it, and the problem might have just aggravated with all the rain Melbourne's been getting while we were away on holiday.

In sheer panic, we called a tradesman recommended by our real estate agent. He came over to have a quick look, confirmed the leak and quoted us close to a whooping $2k to patch it up!

We have a feeling that we are being ripped off, though we are not really in the position to bargain or shop around for a cheaper quote as we need the problem to be taken care of ASAP. The weather forecast predicts more wet rainy days ahead and possibly thunderstorms on Wednesday, we wouldn't want the ceiling to give way and collapse upon taking on more moisture!

So we gritted our teeth and told the tradie to start the job tomorrow. That's $2k down the drain. The hole in the roof is burning a hole in our pockets! *Sighs*

Bee is paying for all the repair work, but now I feel bad for blowing my cheque on another bag I'll hardly use. Hmm, maybe I'll just deposit it into my bank account and keep it there for a while?

You know, for rainy days? Literally. :|

It sucks being a grown up sometimes huh?

Blah

I spent most of yesterday and today rotting in bed.

I'm not sleepy (if anything, I have trouble sleeping!), and I definitely have no reason to be tired because, well, I haven't been doing anything for the past 5 weeks.

So why do I constantly feel lethargic, and not wanting to do anything at all?

There are so many things waiting to be done. Luggages to be unpacked, garden to be tended, phone calls to be made, bills to pay, social obligations to be fulfilled, etc etc.

But I really, really, couldn't be bothered.

Maybe I'm secretly stressing over returning to work. If that's the case, then I'm seriously glad that I decided to ask for extra few days of leave instead of heading straight back to work the day after I land in Melbourne like how I used to.

Maybe I'm homesick.

Maybe I'm overwhelmed. Afterall, it isn't easy coming back to the real world and being an adult after being spoilt like a child who has no real responsibilities for over a month.

Maybe I'm a bit run down.

Whatever the reason is, I'm really unmotivated and don't know what to do with myself.

I just feel, blah.

Home

Bee and I arrived in Melbourne just after midnight.

Much to my (pleasant) surprise, everything went really smoothly and we managed to clear the airport in record time!

First of all, we didn't have to wait for long at the immigration counters, which is the part I hate most about Melbourne airport - that small stuffy room that everyone gets packed into long and winding queues.

Seriously, someone should do something about the ventilation system for that room. Whenever I'm stuck in the line, I always feel like I'm gonna faint or collapse anytime due to lack of oxygen. I swear!

So yes, imagine my excitement when I realised that there was practically no queue and we could pretty much walk straight up to the immigration officers to have our passports stamped!

Secondly, the baggage service was fast and efficient too. We got our luggages very quickly, but even quicker with the oversized baggages, which were already waiting for collection at the oversized baggage counter even before the ordinary baggage carousel started moving.

A very smug Bee jokingly said that maybe he should travel with more oversized baggages from now on to save on time waiting by the carousel.

Smart thinking, Mister! Smart, but wishful. *Rolls eyes*

I expected some hiccups from the customs, especially with the two huge cartons we've got, one of which couldn't even fit into the machine to scan its contents! But I guess luck was on our side. We got a very friendly and understanding officer, who didn't give us a hard time at all. We were in and out of there in no time!

Then we managed to get hold of a maxi taxi to fit all our luggages and oversized cartons in, and it came with a really nice Turkish driver too. He told us that we made his day by being his first "normal" customers because he's been ferrying all sorts of crazy people all night long. I felt so bad about it (plus he was so nice and all) that I repeatedly nudged Bee's elbow to remind him to leave a hefty tip.

A $200 cab ride later, we are home.

Like we had never left.

Leaving

Hola! Greetings from 10,000 feet above! :)

I'm typing this entry from the plane, Bee and I are on our way back to Melbourne.

It's been a crazy morning. Frantic last minute packing, a mad rush to the airport, lengthy check-in process especially with our (read: Bee's) oversized and overweight baggages, and long queues at every single check point!

We were in such a rush that by the time we finished checking in, I heard final boarding calls for our flight being announced. We didn't even have time to sit down for a cuppa with Bee's parents before having to make another mad dash for the boarding gate. :(

The plane took a long time to take off though due to the weather condition, and once it was in the air, experienced a few minor turbulences. Bee and I were getting a bit cranky because lunch was delayed and we were starving! Haha. We can be very grumpy people when we are hungry.

But lunch has just been served and we are happy passengers now. :)

I think I might take half a tablet of Stilnox to try to relax and maybe get some sleep out of it.

I don't have fear for flying, but I really do hate flying during the day, especially any flights longer than 2 hours.

Personally, flying during the day feels so, um, chaotic.

It's bright in the cabin, so you become more aware that you're stuck in a confined space with a few hundred other strangers. It's kinda stressful when people are constantly talking and moving around you, no?

I find night flights so much more tolerable and, well, peaceful? The cabin lights are dimmed, most passengers go to sleep quietly, and it feels like you have so much more privacy to yourself. Besides, there's much to be said about the serenity to look out the window and feel so close to the stars.

Okay, enough rambling. My laptop's battery is running low, so I'm off to try to get some sleep.

Keeping my fingers crossed that we won't be given a hard time at the custom. Wouldn't want to end up as one of those dodgy Asians on Border Security. Haha.

Have a good weekend.

Sunday

After holing up at home for the past 2 days, I finally decided to drag my sorry insomniac self out of bed to have brunch with Bee's parents today.

Our yumcha session at one of my favourite Chinese restaurants in KL, Li Yen at The Ritz-Carlton, was pleasant. Although, I must say, the dim sum wasn't as good as I remembered it to be.

Has there been a drop in standards, or was it just due to my lack of sleep and aching body? *Shrugs*

On the way home, Bee and I detoured for a little impromptu shopping trip.

Impromptu, but fruitful.

In less than an hour, I managed to snap up not one, but two gorgeous jade bangles!

One of a lustrous dark green and the size is a perfect fit for my wrist, and the other one of a much lighter translucent green which is slightly loose on me.

I couldn't choose between the two, so I decided to get both of them after I was offered a hefty discount.

Bee called them my "cheap thrills" when he saw me playing with them in the car like a kid with her lollies.

Well, but of course.

His mum was just telling us earlier on today that she might need an extra safety deposit box at the bank for her jewellery collection. A third one, that is.

I'm sure these bangles are cheap as chips compared to the content of those safety deposit boxes, but hey, at least I don't have to live in the constant fear of breaking or cracking something while wearing a small car on my wrist.

I'm sure Mr. Big-Shot won't find it as amusing when he has to start funding my very own safety deposit box.

But for now, I'm having two giant fat-laden pork dumplings for dinner, so I'm happy with my "cheap thrills".

For now.

*Smiles*

Groggy

After yet another rough night of sleep (or the lack of it), I woke up today feeling and looking worse for wear.

With aching muscle, a groggy head and photo-sensitivity, I feel like a walking zombie.

The worst thing is, I have a long list of errands to run before Bee and I leave for Melbourne next Saturday.

But as soon as I look at myself in the mirror, I just couldn't bothered getting changed to go out. I looked like a sorry train wreck. And feel like one too!

So I guess I'm just gonna stay in for another day and take it easy.

Bee's been a rock in trying to take care of me and make me as comfortable as possible.

I haven't had much of an appetite due to lack of sleep, so Bee's been buying all sort of different takeaways to try to spark my interest in eating. As we speak, I have a mini buffet in my fridge, consisting of almost every type of food I might like.

And when I can't sleep at night, he's been trying to make me feel better by taking me out for drives or getting me my favourite supper, maggie mee goreng and teh tarik ais.

I feel bad that we are spending the last days of our holidays rotting at home because of me, but I'm really grateful of how understanding and attentive he's been. I couldn't have asked for a better husband!

Thank you, baby, I really do appreciate it. Muacks!

Off to watch another episode of Brothers & Sisters. Nothing soothes a spinning heart like warm heartfelt family dramas.

Ta!

Insomnia

I woke up this morning with a stiff shoulder and severe muscle pain.

Every single strand of muscle on my body was aching, it hurts to even lift my arms. All I wanted to do is to curl up in bed and stay here.

I'm not sure if these debilitating symptoms were due to the body massage I got yesterday, or the rough night of sleep I had.

Or the stupid "banana boat" exercise Bee forced me to do last night, supposedly to help me to sleep better.

You see, I didn't bring enough Stilnox tablets with me on this trip, so I'm trying to go without whenever possible to conserve the limited stock.

So far, it's not working out so well. To say the least.

I spent the entire night tossing and turning in bed, but still unable to get a wink of sleep! My body (and mind) simply lacks the ability to relax and fall asleep on its own.

That's the thing with insomnia, the harder you try to sleep, the more awake you become. It's really one of the worst feelings in the world.

Here's hoping that it gets better with practice.

For now, I think I'm gonna go make myself a cup of hot tea and lay low for the rest of the day to nurse my sore muscles and groggy head.

Later.

Thanksgiving

I left Swan City at the break of dawn on a rainy morning, and arrived in KL on a bright sunny day.

Bee picked me up from the airport, and we were supposed to quickly drop the luggages at home before going out for breakfast.

But as usual, we got lazy as soon as we laid ourselves down on the bed and decided to take a nap instead.

And an usual, we slept past the alarm clock and I nearly missed my facial appointment with Leonard Drake!

Nearly, I said. My skin was in desperate need of some TLC, and I was determined to get to that appointment even if it means skipping lunch.

The facial was alright, though nothing to shout about. :|

To be honest, I'm getting rather bored with Leonard Drake and Aster Spring. Their service hasn't been consistent, or in my opinion, it's even been going downhill a little in the past few years. So if anyone has recommendations of a good skin care center in Klang Valley, please leave a comment or email me privately. :)

Watched Unstoppable with Bee after my facial because it was the only decent movie that was showing besides Harry Potter.

By the time we were seated, I was so hungry that I practically spent the first 30 minutes of the movie stuffing my face silly with chicken nuggets and washing them down with Coke. I was never a fan of chicken nuggets but surprisingly, these were actually quite tasty. Or perhaps I was just starving after not eating for the whole day. :p

The movie turned out to be rather enjoyable, despite being a little slow at the start. Well, at least my husband didn't fall asleep halfway through, as he does with most movies, so I guess that's a good sign.

We concluded the night with a Taiwanese fusion dinner and a very sweet pep talk from Bee about thanksgiving.

He's right. Humans often take things for granted and forgot to count our blessings in life. Instead of appreciating things that we have, we so easily stop being grateful and focus on things we don't have.

"So often we dwell on the things that seem impossible rather than on the things that are possible. So often we are depressed by what remains to be done and forget to be thankful for all that has been done." ~ Marian Wright Edelman

God knows it's a form of art I have mastered!

But hopefully, I can start to change that.

Hopefully, I can learn that I (or things) don't always have be perfect and I can stop being so harsh on myself. Or everyone else, for that matter.

Hopefully, I can start to learn to let go.

One step at a time.

And I'm thankful I have someone who is willing to walk this path hand in hand with me, and ready to catch me if I fall.

I'm thankful that I have you, baby.

Homesick

I'm leaving Swan City tomorrow morning to KL, then back to Melbourne next weekend.

And I'm already starting to feel homesick.

It just doesn't get any easier, no matter how many times you've had to do it.

Leaving your family.

Regardless how much practice I've had over the years, it still tugs tightly at my heart strings each and every time.

As the matter of fact, I'm starting to believe that the older you are, the harder it becomes.

Because we know better now.

Because we've noticed that our parents are getting older too.

And we are drifting further and further away from our childhood.

From being a child.

From being carefree.

Because we realise that time doesn't wait for anybody.

And nothing is forever.

Congested

I was supposed to catch up with Sam over afternoon tea today, but I bailed on her last minute 'cause I'm not feeling all that great.

I'm feeling slightly under the weather, extremely lethargic and very phlegmy in the chest.

But the thing that is bugging me the most is my horrible skin condition at the moment.

My skin has been very congested since I got back to Malaysia, but I haven't had time to go get myself a facial while in KL. And over the past few days, it started breaking out like nobody's business!

With a face full of zits and bumps, I'm currently looking like a teenager going through puberty!

And as we all know, we feel what we look like.

(Okay, and the other way round too.)

So yes, I'm feeling rather crappy and, um, yuck.

I feel grossed out just by thinking about all the gunk that's clogging up my pores and building up on my skin, but I probably won't be getting that much-needed facial till I'm back in KL next week.

So I guess I'll be laying low this weekend and try to get some rest. Hopefully both my flu and skin settle down soon. :(

Off I go to take an afternoon nap and start dreaming about having a deep pore cleansing facial. *Sighs*

Melancholy

Allan, the older of my 2 younger brothers, took my parents and I out for dinner last night.

It was my official welcome-home dinner.

Food at the much-overrated seafood restaurant, overpriced.

Love and company of family, priceless.

Being out on town, the little town that I grew up in, made me feel a little melancholy towards the old days.

Of how far and how long I've been away, and how little time I spend with my family.

Of how fast we are all growing up, and how much our parents have aged each time we see them.

Of how time flies.

And it makes me a little sad.

More than a little.

Little

At the age of 30, where else would you be spoiled like a little princess who doesn't have to lift a finger?

At home.

At your parents' home.

Where there is a jar of double-boiled soup waiting for you on the table every morning before you even wake up.

Where your personal chef, aka your mum, would prepare your favourite food everyday, though she's never much of a cook. Haha.

Where your dad takes the time to make you a glass of freshly squeezed fruit juice every day, no matter how busy he is.

Where your brother volunteers as your private chauffeur to drive you wherever you want to go, and brings home all kinds of snacks to cheer you up.

Where you feel completely entitled and worthy of all the love and pampering you are showered with.

No strings attached. No hidden agendas. Just family.

Where I will always be taken care of like a little girl.

Where I can be a 5-year old all over again.

At home.

Missing

I woke up this morning feeling slightly lost.

A little weird, and a little unsure.

Then I realised that it was the first morning in a long time that I did not wake up next to my Bee.

So even as I'm surrounded by the love and attention of my family, I'm missing the missing piece of the puzzle.

The piece that has, undeniably, become my other half.

Home

MAS personnel: Madam, would you like a window or aisle seat?

Passenger: Window, please.

MAS personnel: Alright, here is your boarding pass.

Passenger later arrived on the plane, only to realise that an aisle seat has been allocated.

Is that the kind of customer service efficiency we would like to represent us Malaysians?

*Shrugs*

Just my two cents worth.

A bumpy plane ride and an over-salted serve of nasi lemak later, I was home.

Home in Swan City.

And I was glad.

Serenity

Serenity Prayers

God, grant us the...
Serenity to accept things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference
Patience for the things that take time
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the
Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other, and the
Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

In Jesus' name we pray
Amen.

Heater

I bailed on shopping and lunch with girlies today because it was too cold out and it started raining a little when I woke up.

So I decided to stay in and have a quiet Sunday to unwind before yet another dreadful week at work.

I basically stayed in bed most of the day, all wrapped up in my Garfield blanket and attached to my laptop because it was such a COLD day!

Which was kinda weird because my room always manages to stay warm even on the coldest days of winter.

I thought I was coming down with a flu again, especially given how stressed out I have been lately.

In the evening, when I finally couldn't stand it anymore and decided to check n the heater, I discovered the culprit that had caused the coldness all day.

My heater hasn't been working!

I don't know when, and I don't know how, but it just stopped working!

To say the least, I panicked!

To have your heater giving up on you in the middle of winter?! It's almost like a practical joke that is so NOT funny!

Good thing I have a really sweet girlfriend who came to my rescue immediately after I sent her a SOS message.

Wen came to pick me up and we rushed out to the nearest K-mart (because it was the only shop that was still open at that hour!) to buy a replacement heater out of the very limited selection of heater the store has.

We then came back to my apartment to plug in the heater first before going out to dinner so the room would be at least warm(er) by the time I need to sleep.

Guess what? It wasn't!

After our dinner at yet another Asian restaurant that we have to yell just to talk (you know how it is), I came back to a room that was still cold!

The new heater is nothing like the old one that I had. *Inserts sad face*

And this is precisely why I need to buy everything in 2's! (I hope my husband is reading this.)

If something works/fits, you buy a backup! Isn't that like the cardinal rule of shopping?!

Hmm, maybe this is a sign that I should go back and buy the Arthur Galan coat in blue. Ha!

Alright, people, I shall go sit on my new heater for now before the cold weather freezes my ass off. :|

Stay warm!

Coat

I went coat shopping today.

But not without stopping at Laurent first for my fix of beef burgundy pie and mocha with extra chocolate.

My head was all groggy from the pain killer + muscle relaxant I took earlier on in the morning for my headache, so I was in desperate need for some caffeine to wake my brain up.

For someone who doesn't even drink coffee, I sure have been drinking a lot of mocha lately.

I blame it on stress from work. Can you blame me? :|

The coat shopping process was quick and painless, for once.

I waltzed into Arthur Galan, put on the first coat the friendly shop assistant handed to me, and that was it!

To be honest, I wasn't really that fond of the strong shoulder pads, which in my opinion, looked a little too overwhelming on my petite frame.

But as all the shop assistants (including the store manager) stopped and went oohing and awing over how gorgeous the coat looked on me, so being the sucker for good customer service (and compliments, genuine or not) that I am, I felt compelled to whip out my credit card and bought the coat.

I even considered buying the same coat in 2 different colours!

Considered, I said.

As we speak, my black AG column coat in size 6 is being flown in from Sydney, and I'm contemplating on buying the same coat in the beautifully striking blue as well when I go back to pick it up next weekend.

Everyone knows I have a soft spot for blue, and this is a gorgeous shade of cobalt blue!

Oh well, I guess I'll sleep on it till next weekend. :p

Wen and I met up with a couple of friends for dinner in Box Hill and caught up over the usual sinful greasy Chinese food.

The place was jam packed tonight, and I hate it when we have to yell at the top of our lungs in a restaurant just to have a conversation. It's so tiring and, well, unnecessary!

I guess I'm gonna hit the sack and call it a day.

More shopping tomorrow!

I need a white/beige trench coat. *Grins*

Helpers

The annoying people in my life are pushing me into becoming an addict.

My very annoying colleagues on weekdays, then my very annoying housemate plus her even more annoying boyfriend on weekends.

To make the matter worse, the timeline often overlaps too.

It's my fault, I know. I let things and people get to me too much.

Or rather, get me down too much.

And the truth is, I'm still sick.

But I have to pretend not to be so I can do my job that requires me to look after other sick people.

Or I have to pretend to be strong so people who love me wouldn't worry.

Or I have to pretend to be okay so people do not see it as a sign of weakness.

So for as long as I still have to pretend, I need help to stay calm.

I need help to distract myself from anger and annoyance.

I need help to escape.

And my helpers come in the form of little tablets with various shapes and colours.

Weekend

Wen and I went shoe shopping today.

I spent the whole day convincing her into buying a pair of black peep-toe leather heels.

And even though I'm still on a self-imposed spending ban from buying more shoes, I couldn't help but cheated with a pair of black satin peep-toe pumps.

Just the one pair, and it was on sale, so technically, it didn't count. :p

I actually really liked the same style in white satin, but they are sold out in my size across Melbourne, so I bought the black instead.

The fruitful shoe shopping trip was followed by dinner with 10 other friends at Nobu, in hope to get a glimpse of Robert de Niro.

Bobby was a no show tonight, but Wen and I both got to wear our new dresses (my new Country Road silk dress has been sitting in the closet for months and I think it was starting to feel neglected) and our brand new heels fresh out of the box, so we are happy.

Dinner was great. The food and service was good as usual, but the company was even better.

I haven't seen some of the friends for ages, and it was so good to finally catch up again. Everyone had too much to eat and drink, and laughed way too much and too loud.

All in all, it was a fun day + night out, not forgetting the 2-hour long girls talk Wen and I had after the dinner to, well, debrief.

I came home with a massive headache, thanks to the champagne mojito, but I can't wait till we do it again!

Edit:Turned out, we missed Robert de Niro by half a day because he showed up the next day!

Valentino

I have been re-watching Gossip Girl season 1.

This dress caught my eye, and air gets caught in my chest.

The black chiffon dress Blair wore at her 17th birthday party.

I remember loving it the first time I saw it, and now I'm falling in love all over again.

Icing on the cake is, it's a Valentino!

From their Fall 2006 collection.

Kate Winslet wore the same dress too.

But I like it better on Blair Waldorf.

I don't mean to offend anyone out there, but I really think her petite frame and tiny waist complimented the dress to the best of its potential.

And black is just the perfect colour for it, don't you think?

It's very rare that I like a designer dress better on an actress than a model on the runway (Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw is a completely different story though), but in this case, I prefer the dress on Blair Waldorf much more than the model.

The dress is the perfect example of being so "hard" yet so soft at the same time.

So delicate, yet so strong.

Much like Blair Waldorf herself.

The dress is simply a stunning piece of art. It's so beautiful that it deserves its own frame!

Let's all look at it again, tilt our heads to the right, and say, "awwww!".

Sickie

I called in sick today.

My earache has become worse, and I was afraid my ears are going to start bleeding from listening to another day of TM's nagging and whinging in that whiny voice of hers.

I google'd "whiny voice" and came across definition of Megan's voice on urban dictionary.

Spot on! Especially the part about how it sounds like "a dog whistle for humans".

It's bad enough that my job requires me to listen to sick people whinging about being sick, now I have to endure this uneducated ignorant moron's nagging all day long?!

If she could actually understand English, maybe there is still a very slim chance for her to grasp the concept that an assistant's job is to ASSIST, to make things easier, not to annoy everyone around her with excessive non-relevant talking.

But unfortunately for all of us, she's one of those stubborn bitch who will never realise there's anything wrong with her.

And with the earache and congestion I'm experiencing at the moment, I simply do not have the capacity to deal with her.

So I called in sick.

Going to make myself a cup of hot honey lemon and enjoy a quiet peaceful Monday.

Till later.

Lonely

Bee left for Malaysia this morning.

In fact, he just left the apartment not to long ago, and I'm already missing him.

He is gonna be away in KL for the next 4-5 weeks for a few important appointments plus some other business to attend to, so I'm left here all by my lonesome self.

I sent him off in a cab downstairs because I couldn't bear the thought of or watching him walking away into the departure gate and then having to come back from airport alone.

The last time I did that, I cried like a baby on the way back and had strangers staring at me.

Wen offered to take me out shoe shopping to cheer me up, but I turned it down because I'm just not in the mood to do anything at all.

Not today, at least.

I'd like to think that I'm not the type of girl who needs to be with her boyfriend/husband 24/7, but it's really hard not having him around now.

You know, with the shitty conditions (note: plural) at work, my super annoying housemate and her even more annoying boyfriend, TM (who totally deserves a league of her own when it comes to being a pain in the ass), the 10 thousand other things which are going on in my life and not to mention, my current fragile state.

I feel lonelier than I have been in a very long time.

Meltdown

I had a mini meltdown at dinner tonight.

It's been such a bad week at work that each day feels worse than the day before, if that's even possible.

So much dramas, so much unresolved issues, so much unexpected crisis, and so little efficiency or help from the staff.

To top it all, TM , my most annoying staff, is back!

All week long, she's been driving me NUTS with her constant whinging and non-stop nagging. Seriously, that bitch doesn't give it a rest and she's irritating the crap outta me!

I have this extreme urge of slapping her and yelling, "For goodness' sake, woman, shut the fuck up and learn to do something useful around here for a change!"

But of course, being the politically-correct, prim and proper "professional" that I am, I can't.

So all the stress and anger has just been bottling up inside of me till I could no longer keep it in.

Tonight, as I held Bee's hand to say grace before our dinner, all of a sudden, I started sobbing uncontrollably.

(And no, it's NOT that time of the month.)

Out of anger, out of injustice, out of hurt, out of annoyance, out of frustration, and most of all, out of helplessness.

All the pent up emotions without an outlet, all the things I wanted to say but couldn't, I just broke down and cried.

That was when I realised that I cannot keep doing this anymore.

I know everyone probably hates their jobs anyway, but your job shouldn't make you constantly want to smack your own head open or scratch someone's face off, no?

It shouldn't have to be this hard.

It shouldn't.

Overnight

Rudd proud of his achievements
12:35 AEST Thu Jun 24 2010

An emotional Kevin Rudd says he's proud of his achievements as prime minister, including getting rid of Work Choices and weathering the global economic crisis.

Mr Rudd, clearly struggling for words during a press conference at Parliament House, said he had given the job his "absolute best."

"I have given my absolute all," Mr Rudd said, speaking about two hours after he stood down as Labor leader to make way for deputy Julia Gillard.

"I was elected by the Australian people as the prime minister ... to bring back a fair go for all Australians," he said.

"I have given my absolute best to do that.

Mr Rudd struggled to speak as he talked about his government's efforts on cancer.

"I'm proud of the fact that we are building 20 regional cancer centres right across our country," he said.

"You know, if you go out there and people are suffering from cancer it does alter your priorities."

Mr Rudd then paused as he tried to regain his composure.

Mr Rudd was flanked by his wife Therese and his three children, Marcus, Jessica and Nicholas.

He said he was proud of having kept Australia out of recession, an effort which had saved half a million Australians from losing their jobs.

Mr Rudd was emotional as he spoke of his government's work in lifting organ donation rates.

He was forced to stop speaking a number of times as he struggled to get words out, his voice wavering.

"As somebody who borrowed someone else's aortic valve, I feel a particular responsibility for that," he said.

"There's nothing like having a bit of somebody else in you.

"It focuses the mind, and in my case also focuses the heart."

Mr Rudd let out a deep sigh as he reflected on the importance of health.

Mr Rudd said he remained proud of the government's three unsuccessful efforts to get the emissions trading scheme through parliament.

"If I had one point of future policy it must be our ambition to pass a carbon pollution reduction scheme within this parliament, the one that follows I mean," he said.

"So that we can make a difference, a real difference to climate change."

Mr Rudd ran through a list of other issues he was proud to have taken part in, including increasing the aged single pension, apologising to the stolen generations, and efforts on climate change.

"What I'm less proud of is the fact that I have now blubbered," he said with a chuckle, prompting Therese to put a comforting arm around his shoulder.

After listing a raft of things of which he was proud, Mr Rudd said it had been a very busy two-and-half years.

"We have thrown our absolute all at this," he said.

"I believe that when we look back at this, these reforms will endure into the future and make Australia I believe a fairer and better place than it would otherwise have been."

Mr Rudd thanked the Australian people for giving him their trust.

"It is a high honour to be elected prime minister of Australia."

He also thanked Labor party members, saying he had been a member for the past 25 years, and would likely be one for the next 25 years.

He had kind words for Labor's federal parliamentary team.

"Good women and men each one of them, each one of them," he said, adding they were committed to bringing about a fairer and better Australia.

Mr Rudd thanked his staff, most notably his chief of staff Alister Jordan who he described as "an extraordinary young man".

There was also a word of thanks for God.

"This is probably not the occasion for high statements of theology," he said.

"But to the great God and creator of us all, I thank him, or her, as well."

Mr Rudd said he would recontest the next election in his Brisbane seat of Griffith.

He also left open the prospect of taking a frontbench position in the new Gillard government.

"As for serving this government in the future, I will of course serve it in any manner in which I can be of assistance," he said.

Mr Rudd thanked his family, who stood by his side in the prime minister's courtyard.

"They are wonderful human beings," he said.

Mr Rudd said he would continue fighting to defeat the opposition at the election, likely later this year.

"I will be dedicating my every effort to ensure the re-election of this Australian Labor government," he said.

"It is a good government with a good program and it deserves re-election."

Mr Rudd then praised the new leader, Julia Gillard.

"They are a good team lead by a good prime minister," he said.

Mr Rudd thanked his ministry and his cabinet.

"I could not have had a better team," he said.

"These are head and shoulders above those who oppose them in parliament.

"I've been blessed and aided by the fact that they given every ounce of their intelligence, every ounce of their energy, every ounce of their ability to delivering the reforms and many others beside."

He also thanked the constituents of Griffith, who he has represented as MP since 1998.

"I thank the good people of Griffith, my electorate, for putting up with me as their local member - recently somewhat missing in action," he said.

"They are good people. It is a great community. I love it and I love them dearly."

Courtesy of National Nine News

It's amazing (and scary) how things can change overnight in politics.

I'm completely, and utterly, shocked.

Mr Rudd was right. He was elected by the Australian people to be the prime minister, and I personally believe that no one other than the people has the right to take away his rights to run the full term.

Even though he only had kind words for the Labor party, I don't.

Shame on you, Labor, shame on you!

The Australian people did not elect Julia Gillard, and I doubt they will in the looming election.

The only person who left the stage gracefully in this whole event is Kevin Rudd, regardless of what he's done or failed to do in the past 2-and-a-half year.

Not Julia Gillard.

And definitely not Labor.